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Let her go?

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This topic contains 846 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by  anita 1 week ago.

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  • #336404

    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    I think that you and I are on the same time zone (you living in BC), so you talked to her on the phone to confirm at about midnight???

    anita

    #336492

    pete
    Participant

    Naw it was 10PM  when we did. Anyway we hung out for a few hours talking at the coffee shop about her, the trip, how her and her man are doing. Asked how her life was growing up, she asked the same after.

     

    We talked about energy, how she wants to learn more about crystals and the tension in her body is getting better and better now after YEARS maybe decades? of  lots of tension in her. Talked about her trip how it went, she enjoyed herself, what she did. I asked how her and her man are doing? she said they are doing much better now, he came off the honeymoon phase and felt not as close to her but she stayed on it and was sad thinking things were coming to an end, but they worked through it. Showed me several pics of them together and showed me a pic she felt the most happy ever about being loved, being with her man, all of her friends…asked how they met again what happened and when she left the first time felt like she would never see him again, felt a big loss and many months later they talked on facebook, had a coffee and been together since.

    Apparently he felt a MUCH greater loss thinking he wont see her ever again. She likes his kind energy, says it’s exactly like my kind energy and a genuine energy. Also a bunch of other stuff, I told her I wish them both happiness together. Also that maybe that first day we went hiking when she told me about the phychic that told her the reading how perhaps the reading was about this guy? she thinks it was now that I mentioned it.

     

    We head back and I asked how her life was growing up, she asked me the same thing and I walked home and she went to her car and that’s it. Oh I asked if we can do that long hike in the summer and she said yes, I said maybe you could bring your boyfriend? she said sure. Also when I asked about if she could read my energy I said I feel more nervous energy unless I am at work where I am not nervous. Also that her guy is happy to not be in a relationship where it’s based off sex and it can go just by feelings.  Told her I think about sex often, she said “yeah that’s normal for guys”, which is true.

    #336494

    pete
    Participant

    Oh right and she said “I am better at reading people and knowing if they want to talk or not interested in talking to me”. She was on her phone a lot too messaging clients. I guess I now know when she takes a day or a day and a half to respond to me she just doesn’t want to.

    #336506

    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwdwn1:

    I read your report of the meeting with her with much interest. I will re-read it tomorrow morning and post to you then, in about 12-13 hours from now.

    anita

    #336508

    pete
    Participant

    Well I am gonna try moving on. She’s off my phone now, if something ever happens I’ll let you know. If not thanks for listening all these years. 🙂 But I planned this being the last time we hung out, called, text. I am really tired of doing all the work and I just wanna move on, it was great seeing her today but I don’t wanna continue things, it’s just gonna be a repeat of things everytime and I will just keep wishing things were different.

    #336592

    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    So you and her were on the phone at 10PM Sunday night and met Monday for a few hours at a coffee shop. She talked about energy and crystals helping her body tension of decades, you mentioned a psychic reading she had before. She told you that her boyfriend “came off the honeymoon phase and felt not as close to her” but he feels close to her again, that their relationship is not based on sex, and that she “likes his energy, says it’s exactly like my kind energy and a genuine energy”. And she told you that she is “better at reading people and knowing if they want to talk” to her. She was on the phone a lot messaging clients during the coffee meeting.

    You told her: “I feel more nervous energy unless I am at work where I am not nervous”, You asked her about going for a long hike in the summer and she said yes. You asked her regarding bringing her boyfriend to the hike, and she said sure. After the coffee shop you walked home and she went to her car.

    In your most recent post you wrote that you took her off your phone, and you “planned this being the last time we hung out, called, text. I am really tired of doing all the work and I  just wanna move on… I don’t wanna continue things.. a repeat of things every time and I will just keep wishing things were different”, and you wrote to me: “if something ever happens I’ll let you know. If not thanks for listening all these years”.

    My thoughts and feelings today: I grew attached to your story over the months and years, it is a loss for me to let it go, how interesting, the title of your thread is “Let her go?”, and now I have trouble letting her go!

    Of course, I can’t argue with your reasoning, that you don’t want to continue the Repeat of hoping and wishing things were different and it not happening. So I support you whole heartedly in aiming at not suffering, or suffering less.

    What an interesting woman she is though, unusual, but then, you are interesting too and unusual too, in an interesting, fascinating way. And this thought right here (the one I just typed) brings me to the suggestion or invitation that you continue to post here (or start a new thread) and keep telling your story. I want to read more and more about your story.

    But what I want matters way, way less in the context of your thread/s than what you want. So do what is right for you to do. It is hard for me to let go of your thread, really, don’t want to stop typing in here. But I support whatever choice you make, blakhwkdwn1. Wishing you well!!!

    anita

    #343054

    pete
    Participant

    First off I hope you and your family is safe and alright from that virus sweeping across the globe.

     

    I just wanted to say it’s over now FINALLY!!! I messaged her I hope her and her family is safe from the virus and she said me as well. Hours later I decided to respond and say “Thanks. This will be the last time you hear from me,  good luck over there. Later!”. Feel good about it, I am tired of putting in 100% of the effort and getting nothing in return. I don’t expect a reply back tbh, she’s probably happy since she’s been distancing everything since they met.

     

    I really hate that guy, I am sure he told her to end things and she said yes because she loves him. Whatever!

    #343128

    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    It is fear that is “sweeping across the globe” more than any virus, a fear that is responsible for economic disaster so far.

    So you messaged her what you messaged her. I do hope you feel a relief as a result. But I wonder about the word “Later” at the end of the message you sent her- doesn’t it mean that there will  be a future contact?

    anita

    #343326

    pete
    Participant

    Yeah I messaged her again telling her this

     

    “Ok maybe I was a little rash…truth is since you got the guy I have noticed a drop off between us, i’m a dude and maybe he doesn’t like other dudes being friends with his girl, and the less important I felt which is why I been questioning things and the whole summer “I need a break” thing, friends are important to me. I did mean everything I told you before your trip. Maybe in the coming years i’ll reach out and restart things, or  just block my ass. I do hope you’re happy though, that’s all that matters.”

     

    But not heard from her since I said “this will be the last time you hear from me”, which is fine because I don’t expect her to give a shit, she has a guy now and I was more around because she was single and bored I guess and when friends dump me in a text I never reply, just laugh at the text and don’t care, I am sure it’s the same with her. No I wont reach out in the future, I feel better without her in my life because I dunno who the fuck she is anymore. I miss the old her and she’s gone so I atleast have the memories while I go find other people.

    #343344

    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    “I was more around because she was single and bored”- no, she liked you, she wanted to help you, she genuinely liked you. You felt it from her, you knew she was genuine with you, this is why you’ve been so attached to her. If she was with you because she was single and bored, no way you would need her so much; all this time you wanted more of that genuine special thing you had with her long ago, and you didn’t get it.

    She is now with another guy, so I guess it is “the old her” that you miss.  But there is another woman out there who will be like the old her: a woman who will genuinely like you and want to help you, and the two of you will both help each other.

    anita

    #343360

    pete
    Participant

    She genuinely liked me as a friend maybe, but that’s probably it. I still wonder about our first hike when she started putting her makeup on when I messaged her I was near and her saying “you’re probably just nervous you’re seeing me” when I told her of my stomach ache…yes, she used to make me nervous but that’s long gone now. She’s not made me feel nervous since that picnic we had…well sorta a picnic, we bought food at a buffet and sat outside near the water and talked. Also the first hike when we talked about the psychic reading she had…for those several months we were SO CLOSE!!! like I’ve never experienced that since elementary school. We also used to have moments on the phone and kept delaying hanging up (now we hang up asap), her texts I could FEEL her genuinely wants to talk to me on the phone and be sad when we don’t, hell she even put a frowney face when I said I was going to bed we can talk the next night. I wish she would have called me on her own, but she only calls her mom or daughters (now her boyfriend), also that best summer of my life in 2017 when she had and those phone calls felt amazing just soaking in the moments.

     

    You think she will reply saying goodbye or anything? would feel better knowing she said something. Pretty sure she’s out of town right now though since she wont be starting work for a week, but a goodbye would be better then nothing, I dunno how to take that silence, like what is the meaning of the silence? is she mad because what I said and just wants to ignore me? or happy it’s over? or other things. I don’t regret what I said, I just could not take it anymore! Could not sleep well because I was so angry every night thinking I was a failure, I was not good enough, why did  things change because of that new guy? also was becoming late for work often, work was about to write me up and I could not think of anything else but being angry.

     

    I just do my normal thing, go around cracking jokes, talking to customers and fellow employees, flirting and hugging the girls (girl customers too), making the girls all laugh, pretending I am happy, people will think I am happy hell even the thread this girl is about thinks I am happy…I am not but who wants to hang around a miserable person?

    #343388

    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    “for those several months we were SO CLOSE!!!.. kept delaying hanging up.. her genuinely wants to talk to me on the phone and be sad when we don’t.. put a frowny face when I said I was going to bed… that best summer of my life in 2017”- all this was real and genuine, it was the real thing. I  know it because I’ve been communicating with you for so long and I know that you wouldn’t feel about her the way you felt if she was not genuine. You felt “SO CLOSE!!!” because she was SO GENUINE!!!

    Your situation is not rare, unfortunately- two people being so close and then.. distant. It is more often the case, as two people in a romantic or friends relationship being so close for a lifetime is rare.

    “You think she will reply saying goodbye or anything?”- looking at history, I am guessing she will reply because she did before, following your goodbye messages of the past. If she is out of town, it is more likely that she will not return your messages because that’s what happened in the past. But there is a possibility that she is tired of the same-old-same-old goodbye/ I-am-back pattern on your part and will not message you whether she is in town or not.

    “is she mad because what I said and just wants to ignore me?”- I got the impression that she is not easy to anger and that she is not passive aggressive, so I tend to think that she will not ignore you for the purpose of punishing you, because she is angry at you.

    “Could not sleep well.. was becoming late for work often, work was about to write me up and I could not think of anything else but being angry”- I understand then why you sent her that goodbye message: it was your only way to get a relief from the ongoing anger and obsession about her, and why the two of you are no longer close.

    It is better that you save your job and “Let her go”, after all, because the closeness is in the past, most of it anyway. It is sad that it is. I am sad for you. But like I mentioned, closeness is possible for you with someone else, just as it has been possible for her, with someone else.

    About you pretending to be happy at work, for as long as it works for you, keep it going. But in a personal setting, such as in a personal friendship/ relationship, be genuine, in moderation (ex. express being sad and even cry, but not on and on for hours).

    I’d say, if you do message her again, if you talk to her again, make it genuine, 100%. Be YOU.

    anita

     

    #343422

    pete
    Participant

    Thanks, if anything happens I will bump this post again. Going to try enjoying my time with no friends again now that I don’t have to keep 1 around I gotta do all the work with to keep around. I still hate that guy of hers, but how can I complain if he makes her happy? I hope he treats her good, but I just don’t wanna meet him or I will get filled with anger. Perhaps now would be a good time to take up meditation? learn to forgive and move on.

    #343426

    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    You are welcome. As far as meditation, when I was in therapy,  my very good therapist at the time had me listen to the whole Mindfulness series of Mark Williams who developed the series. You may like it too, if you try it.  am looking forward to you posting again for any reason.

    anita

    #343650

    pete
    Participant

    I am going to try apologizing, I don’t want us going out that way. I’ve known her way too long and been through way too much to end this in such a way. I’ll go take a break but I don’t wanna end things in such bad blood, nor do I wanna let her know I think she’s been distancing herself because her guy told her to, that’s a character issue with me not him I got no proof. I can’t accuse him of trust issues, I clearly have them while I accuse someone else of them.

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