September 26, 2016 at 3:54 pm #116363
I dunno what's happening now…last week she came in twice and today she messages me 4 times on my phone. So I decided to visit her at her work for 2 hours and we talked when she was in my area…she's a waitress now. Booked an appointment for Friday at the docs and will tell him the truth, she wants to meet up for a coffee a week or 2 after and chat. So much for the long break I was wanting lol. Also told me to please keep her posted.September 26, 2016 at 5:59 pm #116375
Take advantage of her friendship, why not? Reads to me like she is a decent woman who likes you and wants to help you. She is interested in you keeping her posted, sharing with her, chatting- and you do like her and enjoy her company, so… it is a Win-Win so far.
anitaSeptember 26, 2016 at 7:55 pm #116386
Part of the reason why I wanted to take a break was my feelings I felt was becoming obsessive and that's pretty unhealthy. I'll just roll with wherever this goes, but mostly worry about fixing myself.September 26, 2016 at 8:06 pm #116387
I hope you can manage to be friends with her. I wonder if it will help for you to share with her about your obsessing about her. I think she will react well to almost anything you share with her as long as you do it honestly, simply… she is likely to feel empathy for you and even help you with the obsessing. Open up to her and see what happens…?
anitaSeptember 27, 2016 at 8:40 pm #116509
Well, here is our latest text convo from yesterday…
Her: Hi Pat 🙂
Her: Just checking in, how are you today? Have you made that Drs appointment today? ((Hug))
Her: Ask for a referral to a “psysiatrist” and he also mentioned “CBT” (cognitive behavioural therapy) which is in a group session usually. Please keep me posted ..
Her: You need treatment to start NOW. Xo
Me: Oh snap just saw your text just now. Truck was 3 hrs late, had to bust my balls.
Me: I'm alright today, still taking 1 pill and no bad thoughts so far. Was thinking of making doc appointment for Friday when I get home.
Me: I'm guessing you're at work? Muahahaha, sucker!
Her: Just starting at 12 :((
Her: Ok good to hear Pat!! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!
Me: I will. Noon? I'm gonna drop by your work today to say hello.
Me: Was good seeing you at your hustle and bustle job 🙂 Hope your day/night was quick and fast at work. Lmao was feeling it after that 2nd beer…i'm not very Irish when it comes to alcohol!
Me: You're Scottish? we enemies now >:D just kidding. But don't tell my Irish bretheren…..
She wants me to come by her work again and eat there so I will in a few weeks with a few guys from work she's not seen in ages. Then i'll meet up for a coffee the following week perhaps?September 30, 2016 at 8:11 pm #116835
Where are the feelings I felt for her go? I just…don't really feel them anymore since that day I messaged her that I lied to her and was taking off for a while. I definatly don't feel close to her at all anymore, and she only gives me short 1 liners now in texts. My feelings have been really slowing down day by day for some reason and I really don't feel any type of friendship anymore.September 30, 2016 at 8:24 pm #116841
I somehow missed your post of three days ago. I was glad to read the fun, light hearted correspondence with her and then I was surprised to read your last post. Such a difference: in the post before last she sounds caring and affectionate and you were full of humor and good cheer with her. The last post- what happened?
Maybe your feelings change a lot from day to day. Don't expect to feel the same closeness every day. Allow for change. Feelings don't stay the same (like the weather, they change) and two people don't stay as close all the time, sometimes closer, sometimes farther. So allow these changes.
It is not All- or- Nothing. At least I hope it is not. Try to be flexible. She reads like a caring individual, caring for you!
anitaSeptember 30, 2016 at 8:53 pm #116848
Well I was feeling less and less for her since the day I posted I lied to her and needed to go away for a while. Then she messaged me the convo I posted and felt like she's not respected my wishes, today I woke up depressed because I realized that our communication is pretty much dieing…it went from texting me 2 times a day about my problem and her wanting to meet me for a coffee, then it was once a day, then it went once every few days, now it's once a week. I might have also drank too much coffee? and now my sister keeps wanting me to pay for her phone bill so she can keep texting me when I already paid for it last month and for her internet bill once. Also my idea of a friend is someone who keeps in touch with you a lot and hangs out with you on a regular basis, does not look mutual to me.
October 1, 2016 at 8:40 am #116867
- This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by pete.
You wanted to have no contact with her for a while, she didn't respect your wish and contacted you anyway. Then she contacted you less and less often. Is it that you want her to not contact you at all OR contact you often, one way or another, but be persistent, reliable, predictable?
Your sister wants you to pay her phone bill so she can keep texting you? Isn't it her choice to text-or-not-to-text, and pay for it if she chooses to text? I wonder why paying her phone bill was assumed to be your responsibility.
anitaOctober 1, 2016 at 12:21 pm #116888
I wanted to be friends, text often seeing how we are doing and knowing what's happening in her life and be there for her, aswell as talk on the phone and hang out but it seems like she was only here to help me go to the doctors and that's all. Not just disappear, like I feel as if now that I got my anti depressants she's done her job and will be gone now, just something to make her feel good about herself and move onto something else. About my sister? she gave me a BS story and has been lieing to me about being unable to pay for her bills so I helped her out a little and now that her payment is due for her phone and she has no “money” she texts me she misses not texting me and wants to keep doing it, then all of a sudden says she needs more money to pay for her phone so she can text me. Da fuck? and I can't take living with my dad anymore…he drains me, makes me feel like I can't do anything, constantly yells at me, if I wanna move out lets me know i'm going to fail and come right back, etc etc etc. Grandpa commited suicide, Grandma died before I was born, mother was a junkie and dropped me down the stairs as a baby and decided that I was not worth having in her life so she split until I became much older. I probably deserved it though…
I had time to reflect and what I've come to understand is friendships don't exist, neither does family. It's just you…and you are thrown into a world that wants you to feel like you're a worthless piece of shit and you either sink or swim depending on how strong or weak you are mentally and I am pretty damn weak. All I want is for people to be happy and help them out, is that too much to ask for? I might not feel anything when I try and make people happy but I feel as if it's something i'm supposed to do in this life and I've always done it because of that, but I can't take the being used part anymore. The longer I go on the more I feel as if there is no good in the world, only people with their own agenda not giving a crap about anything else.
Anyway this will be my last post, i'm just going to disappear…maybe now you understand why I said I feel like I deserve to suffer like I posted back on page 1 and why I feel so toxic in my head and I can't escape it…it's a part of me and I must accept it and live it until my dieing breath, which is hopefully soon. I'm not going back to the doctors or taking the anti depressants anymore, whatever happens from here on out happens.October 1, 2016 at 2:03 pm #116890
I just read your post above. Wish I read it sooner; still hoping you are reading this.
No wonder you are depressed: you are living with a father who yells at you. One yelling is one to many, and yet he “constantly yells at” you? While you are already depressed? Unconscionable!
And your sister pretends to care about you but does not; her motivation is that you pay her bills.
And your mother was a jukie when she was in your life.
And then, you were hoping for a friend but instead, you were her good-deed of the time and nothing else.
You wrote that you are weak- how are you supposed to be strong? How can a person be strong in these circumstances?
Ah, but exit these circumstances, you must. As long as you live with anyone at all who yells at you and verbally assaults you, you are still in a war zone.
Exit these living circumstances- THESE circumstances, away from that sorry-excuse of a father and away from all those who put you down and kept you down. If you are desperate enough to want to disappear- then pack up your things and move out ASAP.
Their behavior is not an indication of you being worthless. I know this because I was put down and kept down, and I believed I deserved it- to my surprise, I now know, really know, that I was a good girl, a good person right from the beginning and throughout.
I didn't deserve it and neither do you.
anitaOctober 6, 2016 at 10:22 pm #117401
Alright looks like I decided to come back…a lot has happened in those short few days I left. Mom died on the operating table yesterday morning although I only found out today, took out $5000 to save someones life on Monday (that woman I mentioned actually text me for 35 minutes because of this, made her cry what I did and told her I would do it for her if she was ever in trouble and I meant it, always…and meeting up for another coffee), the health place phoned me yesterday and booked a phone appointment/interview about my depression, donated $100 yesterday to a guy I don't know from a forum I posted at because his wife died and he's now alone with his kid, although he's raised 6K so far. One of my work buddies is also suffering big depression so I been talking to him, he's going places with his music…http://cr0atia.com/ if you wanna hear them.
October 7, 2016 at 10:43 am #117432
- This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by pete.
How do you feel about your mother's death?
Your money- don't give too much of it away- there is you to take care of first, your first responsibility, you!
Booking an appointment about your depression is such taking-care of yourself. Hoping to read another post by you soon enough.
anitaOctober 7, 2016 at 4:15 pm #117453
My mom? As selfish as this may sound i'm kinda relieved I don't got to worry about her anymore.
My money? if I could give it all away I would. I feel like i'm supposed to live my life depressed but as long as I am alive I need to help people. I dunno how to describe it, but I can feel it…I just want to help people. I feel like I want to get into a trade and make as much money as I can and use enough money to just get by and the rest on helping people or animals…world would be a better place if people gave a shit about one another! I used to be this way then I seemed to have changed with this job I am at around these people, started thinking of myself only! How can I make MY life better? more money means more things to buy, oh boy i'll surely be happy then! WRONG! then once the woman quit the job i'm at I started changing back to my old self again slowly…and I want to stay this way because I realize life is better this way.October 7, 2016 at 5:16 pm #117457
Doesn't reads to me that you are selfish for being relieved your mother is dead. This is why I didn't start my previous post to you with the customary: I am sorry for-your-loss and instead asked you how you feel about her death.
Regarding your money, there will be plenty of people willing to take it off your hands. Be selective about the beneficiaries of your generosity.
Hope soon enough, you will not be depressed anymore. It is not a life sentence- I was very depressed and I am no longer depressed. Not ecstatic and twitchy-thrilled at every moment, but definitely not depressed. So I figure, it is possible for you too. Maybe not right now, or tomorrow, but sometime in the future.