Dear blkhwkdwn1:

“well we talked for 19 minutes”- your talks with her are so important to you that you know exactly how long they lasted.  You told her that you will not try to “take a break or ending things and especially over text”.

She told you “thanks I don’t blame you”- this is why I like her, she’s always been kind, not accusing you of anything, not blaming you for anything, but instead letting you know that she is not angry with you, that she understands you, that it’s not your fault. She wants you to feel good.

You know that there are a lot of people that don’t care about how another person feels, let alone wanting another person to feel good!

You asked her how she is dealing with the virus, and she told you something like “not dealing with it well.. having problems with everything now and also this virus.. stressed about lots of things”- this is why I like her, she is honest about how she feels, she doesn’t put on a happy face when she is sad (or a sad face so to manipulate another person). She is not doing well and she tells you just that.

You told her “thanks for being the best thing to happen to me in my life”- you were honest with her about that, excellent!

You told her how much you appreciate her, she said “awe” and “you have such good words”, you made her feel better.

Then she told you that she won’t be seeing her boyfriend for 26 days or so, and that “they don’t talk much since he’s always at work”, etc. and that made you feel good, I bet.

You then offered to have your father drive her t her daughter’s at the end of the month, and “if she needs anything at all t give me a shout and I can get her groceries.. since you’re off work for a while call me if you really need to talk about anything”.

You wrote in a separate post regarding the pandemic (did I understand correctly- you are working in a hospital, helping with patients???) : “it IS mostly fear though but I just stay calm and smile at everyone. Fear is causing people to panic but stupidity is causing people to not respect the real dangers we face”- well said.

But notice that it is fear that is causing you to hide some of your feeling from her, this precious woman that this thread is about. You don’t have to pretend to be okay with her having a boyfriend, for example. I don’t mean that you should give her a hard time for having a boyfriend, but no need to tell her that you wish them both well, and that he makes her happy (things you said to her in the past), because this is not true to  how you feel! Be more like her and tell her the truth, or at least, don’t tell her what is clearly not the truth.

Let’s say in the future you tell her something like: I wish you and I were a couple, that’s okay to say because it will not be a deal breaker, it is not that because you say that, she will break up with her boyfriend and you will need to proceed immediately with a marriage to her. Your words don’t have that much power. I am suggesting that you tell her the truth about how you feel simply because it’s how you feel. Better than hiding the truth and then building resentment and then exploding with another let’s-take-a-break declaration!

anita