Hello,

This is something I’m experiencing and I can’t seem to figure out a way to fix or be ok with it.

I have been friends with a girl (let’s call her A) for several years. Although we live in different cities but have tried to see each other once a year and keep in touch with messages and infrequent calls from time to time. Last year I was having some personal issues, depression hits hard for me and she had tried to be there for me.

She has been struggling with a lot of health issues and require a lot of medical attention. I recently got a new job that I thought I was ready for but it turns out I wasn’t. I had a lot of anxiety with the job and I found it difficult to follow along in the beginning. I have been trying my best to learn and perform well at the job training (because I’m on a contract so I’m not permanent), which takes all of my energy and effort so I don’t have a lot of time for anything else. I can’t use my phone during training and I have to pay attention to learn because I was having a hard time. Normally I’m just exhausted mentally by the end of the day because I’ve used up all of my energy to be present and shows my best at work. I didn’t message or check in with her for about 3 weeks, then I called her and everything seems ok then. Another 3 weeks go by, I asked her if it was ok for me to call and chat, she declined and her reason being she does not want to talk on the phone. I have asked her then if she was upset with me but she said no. The following weeks up until now I have been trying to message her once a week just to check in and let her know I’m thinking of her. I also am busy with my own issues and trying to cope with work as well as not trying to overwhelmed her with all the messages so once a week seems appropriate for me.

Recently, I have asked how she’s doing instead of just sending a message saying I’m thinking of her and hoping she has a good day etc. She never replied to my message, or even acknowledged any of my previous messages. I then send another message saying that my training is over, that I’m not restricted to phone usage anymore and I would like to reconnect more. I also express my apology saying that I should’ve been there for her more but I was dealing with my own personal issues plus work, I couldn’t cope. Again, no response…

I understand that people can choose who they talk to and who they cut out of their life. It does feels like that’s the case her because she’s still talking to others and still active on social media so it is absolutely a choice that she choose not to talk to me anymore. This makes me feel extremely sad but also makes me feel bad as I let anxiety got the best of me, instead of keeping it together and deal with it, maybe then I could have more time to care for others but I didn’t. The sad part is that I tried making plans to go see her but I haven’t told her about them because they didn’t work out. I can’t drive so it does make it a bit more challenging to go visit anyone but I still make plans. First time didn’t happen because I got called into work. I then make another plan to go see her but we can’t really travel due to Covid-19 social distancing… it feels like the universe is against me.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this or have experienced similar situations? How do I go about dealing with this to ease my mind?

Thanks for your time…