Need help please…..this page called out to me most. You all seem to be very helpful to each other.

I was in a long term relationship and 3 days before lockdown he ended it making it clear it was final.

In all the years he had failed to communicate properly but somehow found the words for this. We were different people and he had just recognised it. Duh! Of course we are different no two humans are the same.

He said the fact we had split up so many times over the course of 4 years he knew something was not right and the world situation had made him wake up and smell the coffee. Our relationship was not healthy and he was doing this for both our happiness in the long run. How could he believe leaving me would make me happy knowing I poured my soul into keeping him happy. Was my everything not enough to make him happy. How?

All our break ups were usually always his choice, I always lived with the thought that he would break up again but we always managed to patch things up and the the time together without discussing the issues was great. My life has revolved around him for 4 years..how can he walk away so easily?

I had lately been less anxious and enjoying our relationship without that thought. I actually thought when he made dinner and sat me down he was going to propose or make a grand gesture. We were going to move to the next step and get engaged, look for a house together it seemed right after such a long time. I thought we’d agreed after getting back together the last time but then he has gone and blind sided me.

Left me alone in my flat, took all his stuff and now is unreachable.

I immediately called my friend for support, she has always been there, perhaps I’m just very sensitive but she was abrupt.

She said look at you Sammy girl..I had developed a co-dependency and had an unhealthy attachment which I thought was love. Really it was fear of moving on after all the energy invested into him.

He doesnt want you where is your love for yourself? Don’t you know you deserve more? She rattled on that relationships were hard they require work communication but we had broke up 4 times in 4 years always the same reason issue behind it. She even went as far as saying he was right even though a prick for stringing me along for 4 years knowing us twos love language, desires needs, style of communication were completely different. It was time to move on. Stop holding on because I was scared of not finding love elsewhere.

I was so devastated wanted comfort but her words stung and I just cut the phone and hit the bottle.

I had been drinking non stop for 2 days to numb me but was violently sick earlier and knew I needed to stop.

Now the anxiety of the whole situation is suffocating me.

How can the people we love do this to us? I gave us 6 months apart before he came back the last time we agreed things would change. Will he change his mind again maybe he is just worried by the situation of the world? Why can’t he see how much I love him?

Now I’m just crying and sobbing and losing the will to live. This pain I don’t want I  just want this all to go away. I wouldn’t mind the world ending right now.

Everything hurts