Dear CB:

The reason I ask you questions is that when I understand my situation better, it makes me feel better, so I figure that if you understand your situation better, what led to it, you will feel better, and with better understanding, you will be better able to respond to your new situation.

So far, you have shared that your 27 year relationship started when he was 15 and you were 22; you were his first relationship, while you had prior relationships. The two of you didn’t care for getting married, so you didn’t. Seven years into the relationship, you brought a boy into the relationship, now 20.  The relationship ended ten weeks ago. He is now about 42 and you are about 49.

He ended the relationship abruptly, telling you that “he was done he loved me but wanted something different”, and the very next day he moved out to his sister’s home.  You now live with your son in what you call “the family home”. He told you that he “wants to sell family home as he needs the equity to move on”. Since he left  “he claims he wants to remain friend”, but “he’s withdrawn contact unless about practical matters our son who’s 20”, refused going to counseling and he keeps you “at arms length”.

At some point he complained to you that you and him became “more friends than partners”, even though the two of you continued to have a physical relationship. When he left you and you reacted emotionally in an intense way,  he told  you that he was surprised by your reaction, that he thought that you too felt he was a friend, not a partner.

Events before he left: in the last 4-5 years the two  of you experienced “lots of pressure due to parents needing care and help.. caring for all 4 parents” but the two of you talked about “making more time for just two of us.. doing things on our own”, you have been going through menopause and dealing with a back injury. Last year, four of his friends got divorced “and moved on with new people”. He started a new job and went back to University.

If you want to answer the following, please do:

1. Is everything I wrote above accurate?

2. He told you that he wants to sell the home where you are currently living. Where does he expect you (and your son) to live after he sells the home?

3. In the U.S. and other countries, a woman who has been living with a man for a long time has the same legal rights as a married woman, which would mean that you legally own about half of the home where you live, or that you are entitled to about half of the money following the sale of the home. Is this the case where you live?

anita