Dear Peeeeet:

You are welcome. If living separately is not an option, then postpone the breakup until living separately is an option. For now, sit with him and set one goal for the two of you. This one goal is not to work on the relationship, to heal the relationship, to love each other, none of that. Your goal is just this one: to survive the lockdown together.

Then come up with Rules for  Surviving a Lockdown Together (RSLT, I just came up with it..).

First rule: Respect Always, which means no arguments, no fights, no raising voices, no calling names, no aggression of any kind; respectful talk and behavior at all times (no matter how any one of you feels, no matter how angry, no matter how distressed, no matter what!)

Second rule: Quiet assertion, which means no aggression, no passive-aggression, no walking on egg shells; instead, each states what he/ she needs in a quiet voice; if there is a conflict, the exchange is done in quiet voices  (no passive aggressive tone or comments!) ,so to come to a reasonable resolution quickly.

These are two rules, but you and him better come up with the wording that suits you. You will need more than two rules, so to cover all circumstances of your living together, such as the use of the kitchen.. and one about sex, so that everything is clear between the two of  you, and you are prepared for all possibilities, nothing left to winging it on a moment notice.

When the two of you set a rule, practice the rule, and find out that it doesn’t work well for you, then adjust the rule, change  it or cancel it. And come up with a new rule if needed.

If you want my input on your RSLT, or on any other topic, let me know. Post whenever you want, and I’ll be glad to reply to you throughout this lockdown.

anita