Dear Greed4UrLove:

This is what you wrote that she told you: “she feels she isn’t happy with herself and that is preventing her from loving me the way that I love her”, and that “she doesn’t feel she has the ability to match my feelings”- she clearly told you that she doesn’t love you as much as she believes that you love her, and that she is not able to love you as much as she believes that you love her.

When she broke up with you, she told you that “she isn’t happy with herself… she needs the time alone to clear her head and figure herself out… She maintains the issue isn’t me because I am ‘perfect’ and the problem lies within herself”-

– I’ve been communicating with hundreds of people over the last five years on these forums, and what she told you is often said by people breaking up with their partners. The aim is to soften the blow of the breakup, to minimize conflict and anger:

it’s not you- it’s me; it’s not that I am not happy with you, I am not happy with myself; it’s not that I don’t want you in my life, I don’t want anyone in my life, etc

You wrote: “if our relationship is good and she thinks I’m amazing, why push me away?”- reads to me that she likes you and enjoyed your company, but I don’t think she feels that you are amazing, because if she did, she would want to have more and more of Amazing aka you, in her life.

I am quite confident about what I wrote above. As to what follows, I am guessing: I am guessing that she separated from her husband and came out, expecting her life to be Amazing, maybe to make up for same-old-same-old boring life as a wife and a mother. I am guessing that she has unrealistic expectations as to how Amazing life can be simply because she made her official entry into gay living.

“my main concern around staying in her life is that she will move on and I will be stuck pining for a reunion of our romantic relationship”- I think that your concern is valid. I think that she is likely to experiment next, looking for Amazing experiences, while you will be pining for a reunion with her. I don’t think that you want to be her friend and hear about her new adventures, nor do I think you want to be her friend with benefits, like she suggested.

I figure you better mourn this relationship and say your goodbye to her, maybe get your things sooner than later and move on and away from her.

What do you think/ feel ???

anita