I really just wish I had backbone and ended things in August when I requested a break, I really don’t even know who she is anymore. I REALLY miss the old her, I look back on my old phone to our old text conversations over the months in that amazing summer when we bonded and when we got close again. I felt like I had an amazing friend and I was SO lucky to have her in my life. We would text back and fourth quite often (despite what she told me on the phone LOL), always felt pumped from the calls, always felt amazing after the hangouts especially the coffee and the walk to the bench opening up one I talked about, it had such a POWERFUL effect on me.

Now?

Anytime I text her half the time she ignores my text (including today), or drops me a line and that’s it…calls are SO short and it seems pointless, never wants to hang out and now we can’t for a few years but she still hangs around her other friends and already told me last year she’s too busy to hang around me for the rest of the year but a week later hangs around other friends yet still fills my head with “I still wanna keep in touch” but you gotta do all the work and chase this friendship is basically what she told me. I  just WANT things to be as they used to but they most likely wont ever be like that ever again, she got a guy and put me on the back burner. I am no longer someone important to her like I used to be and it fucking sucks!

I will forever remember that powerful day we had (coffee and walk to the bench where we opened up about stuff) and that crazy good summer (also my hockey team just won back to back stanley cups…2016 and 2017) and those months leading up to her getting a boyfriend that changed things between us.  It leaves me depressed and angry at the same time.