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Let her go?

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Viewing 15 posts - 871 through 885 (of 957 total)
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  • #349536
    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    I think that I understand better. When you saw her last in the store, she immediately had  a big smile when she saw you, that was genuine, she genuinely likes you. It’s not that she doesn’t initiate contact with you because she doesn’t like you, or because you are not meaningful to her. What it is, I think, is that she gets busy with whatever she’s doing and if she expects a task to be difficult in any way, she avoids it or postpones it.

    Maybe she thinks that if she calls you, you will in some way complain that she didn’t call earlier, or something like that, and she figures: I’ll call later, later.

    anita

     

    #349540
    pete
    Participant

    Yeah she was saying something similar (the busy part). Maybe next time i’ll do another phone call from my work while I am on break and after try for our first facetime?

     

    Naw I wont be angry she did not call earlier because I will feel happy she just called me. She did a few times in the past in 2017 but that was it unless it was accidental but she doesn’t hang up because she says everything happens for a reason. But when she called I sometimes would just look at the phone not wanting to answer it, I felt weird.

    #349546
    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    If I was you, I would just call her once a week or so, or text her suggesting a call or facetime. Some people are less inclined to text or call, or even email, for one reason or another, it’s difficult for them. I don’t think she  doesn’t call you on purpose, that she is playing games. So call her, do Facetime, good idea to do that during this pandemic vs meeting in person!

    “I felt weird”- you felt all possible emotions with her, or in regard to her: love, indifference, anger, hurt, infatuation, weird.. everything. It’s because you are a whole human, feeling all emotions, at different times.

    anita

    #349550
    pete
    Participant

    I think once a week is too much for us lol, I think every 3-4 weeks is fine. I dunno what we would talk about every week, unless I did what we talked about with the breathing and cold showers, she’s really into that stuff (I liked it before she started doing it and liking it even if I didn’t do it often), anyway I need a nap. Also I am pretty sure I am her only friend that calls her after her guy, mother, daughters. Been 3+ years we have been talking for, since page 21.

    #349552
    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    A nap sounds good. “breathing and cold showers- did you try dry brushing? I wonder if you/ she know about it.

    anita

    #349570
    pete
    Participant

    Btw she’s living a minimilist life, tiny yard with a 1 room house (half the size of a tiny house or smaller depending on the size), the yurt beside it, garden and that’s her yard, so she’s living her dream of a garden and living a minimilist life like she said over a year ago on the phone when I told you she was in a bath talking to me and I asked her a series of questions for the first time to understand her better, which didn’t go very far afterwards. She’s in the garden all day making it plus working on that yurt and spending quality time with her daughter. No idea what dry brushing is, i’ll post again sometime. I should probably really work on myself…breathing,  meditation for my thoughts, cold showers etc.

     

    Be well Anita.

    #349626
    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    Thank you for wishing me well. I wish you (and her) the same.

    living a minimalist life tells me it’s a way for her to minimize her stress level. She is motivated to keep her stress level as low as possible. I remember that you talked to her once when she was in a bath… Never mind the dry brushing- it was in 1990 or so, the health craze of cleansing: fiber+ liquid only for 10 days or so+ dry brushing (using a brush to .. brush your skin without water or soap)+ cold and hot showers, plus whatever else was the hype of the day. Much of it was based on pseudo science and some of it harmed people.

    Good to read from you anytime you post, whenever you feel like it.

    anita

     

     

    #351010
    pete
    Participant

    BTW when I told her that I really like talking to her she had a pause like she was soaking it in and  going “awwww” and said she really likes talking to me as well, felt that vibe from her pause and how she sounded after which you can’t get from a text. I messaged her if we could facetime due to not being able to hangout and she said sure but maybe in a few weeks, but it wont be for atleast a month, after our next phonecall in a few weeks. Took her nearly 2 days to respond back lol. :/

     

    I am bumping this because I wanna hear your opinion on this…I really wanna have longer phone calls with her like we used to, we talked for like 45 minutes to an hour and I really want longer then 14 minute calls all the time. Should I ask her if we can talk longer? that I miss our longer calls and they feel so little now. If you say yes should I ask her other things instead of the same old same old? I really need to start asserting myself more or I  will keep getting the same old same old that I don’t want. Not every talk should be long if she’s busy obviously, maybe night calls would be better suited for longer calls.

     

    I’ll call her when her guy goes back to work so she can see him without me phoning and bugging her, after i’ll say “Can I call you tomorrow? I wanna ask you something” that way it gives me another day to talk to her, then I will ask if we can have longer phone calls that I miss those days. I dunno what I am gonna talk about, maybe about her life? you got any ideas?

     

    I was looking at our old convos and they really were longish, some over an hour long…forget what we talked about and I am definatly more talkative now, I am always talking back keeping things from going awkward like before and it flows effortlessly now a days.

    #351066
    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    “awwww.. felt that vibe from her pause and how she sounded after”- you are very good at perceiving vibes from people.

    I imagine, her living in a tiny yurt, when she is not alone there, and she is on the phone, the person there can hear not only what she says on the phone, but what the other person says. So a phone call cannot be private when she is  not alone in the yurt.

    To have phone calls with her, and longer phone calls, taking into consideration that she is not a schedule person (not wanting to commit to a schedule of day and time), and that she may not be alone in the yurt, seems to me that it is necessary to text her first, before calling, asking if it’s a good time to talk, and if not, when.

    Personally, I used to like talking on the phone and was in the habit of it. But for the longest time, I no longer like talking on the phone. I postpone phone calls because I dislike talking on the phone. When I avoid talking on the phone with a particular person, it is not because I don’t like or value the person, but because I dislike talking on the phone. On the other hand, I like communicating the way I am right now, as I am typing to you. So remember individual preferences, likes and dislikes.

    Talk about anything and everything with her, including about talking for a longer time. If you feel nervous and not thinking clearly, tell her that, and that you do have things to tell her, you just forgot what they were. Quiet moments are not a bad thing, let them be and enjoy the fact that she is there, on the other side of the phone, taking in the vibe.

    “I really need to start asserting myself more, or I will keep getting the same old same old that I don’t want”- reads good to me!

    anita

    #351076
    pete
    Participant

    Alright I will do it. We will talk when her guy leaves at my work so she can say hey to people like last summer, after when we hang up I will ask if I can call her tomorrow that I got something I wanna ask her more privately. I know how she  sounds when she takes things in and is about to say “awww”, so I can tell the vibe of her pretty easily, also I have seen her soak things in when I have told her stuff in person.

    #351084
    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    It makes sense that you talk when she is alone, and it is nice to be familiar with another person, like you are familiar with her, knowing the nuances in how she sounds, what she says, how her face brightened up when she saw you in the store last, and so forth. Like I wrote to you for months: you perceive her correctly, this is why you got attached  to her to begin with, because what you perceived about her from has been correct: she is a good, sincere, kind person who genuinely likes you.

    anita

    #352744
    pete
    Participant

    I really just wish I had backbone and ended things in August when I requested a break, I really don’t even know who she is anymore. I REALLY miss the old her, I look back on my old phone to our old text conversations over the months in that amazing summer when we bonded and when we got close again. I felt like I had an amazing friend and I was SO lucky to have her in my life. We would text back and fourth quite often (despite what she told me on the phone LOL), always felt pumped from the calls, always felt amazing after the hangouts especially the coffee and the walk to the bench opening up one I talked about, it had such a POWERFUL effect on me.

     

    Now?

     

    Anytime I text her half the time she ignores my text (including today), or drops me a line and that’s it…calls are SO short and it seems pointless, never wants to hang out and now we can’t for a few years but she still hangs around her other friends and already told me last year she’s too busy to hang around me for the rest of the year but a week later hangs around other friends yet still fills my head with “I still wanna keep in touch” but you gotta do all the work and chase this friendship is basically what she told me. I  just WANT things to be as they used to but they most likely wont ever be like that ever again, she got a guy and put me on the back burner. I am no longer someone important to her like I used to be and it fucking sucks!

     

    I will forever remember that powerful day we had (coffee and walk to the bench where we opened up about stuff) and that crazy good summer (also my hockey team just won back to back stanley cups…2016 and 2017) and those months leading up to her getting a boyfriend that changed things between us.  It leaves me depressed and angry at the same time.

    #352798
    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    I know that you really miss the old her, that your time with her back then had such a powerful effect on you. I know that you feel depressed and angry whenever she doesn’t answer your texts and all through the times she doesn’t initiate contacting you, feeling you are doing all the work and getting nothing in return.

    I wonder how she is doing at this time, what’s happening in her life, with her daughters, one of which lives near you. And I wonder how you are feeling this Sunday?

    anita

     

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 1 week ago by anita.
    #353370
    pete
    Participant

    Beats me, I don’t know anything anymore.

     

    So was gonna message her Thursday early morning to call her on my break and say hey and stuff. As I let her go ask if we can talk the next day, wanna ask her something more private. The next day call her for 5 minutes and say that I have learned a lot from her over the years, like how to open up and be a more kind loving person and I am way more talkative on the phone now compared to before. That my question was if we can have those long phone conversations like we used to (45-60 mins) or if that is a thing of the past? not all the time as she’s busy with other things that are more important (which is pretty much everything these days).

    #353376
    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    Last Thursday, five days ago you talked with her on the phone, the Friday you called again and talked for five minutes, and you told her “I have learned a lot from her over the years, like how to open up and be a more kind loving person and I am way more talkative on the phone..”, and then you asked her if you can have the longer (45-60 minutes) phone calls again, or you are asking me if you should ask her that on a future call?

    anita

Viewing 15 posts - 871 through 885 (of 957 total)

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