Hi Isabelle,

Maybe I will say something that you already know and some others in the past may have already told you about “your relationship with yourself”. That sounds common but there is a meaning to it.

Just for a moment think of yourself without this person (P). How does that make you feel? Based on what you have mentioned in the post it doesn’t look like you feel complete without him. Truly speaking there is nothing like the ‘others complete us’. We have to complete ourselves.

Is there a written guarantee that when both you and P are together that you will again have that “Reassuring. Warm. A feeling of the chest warming up in his presence.” May be it will be there initially but later on?

“I feel like a drowning person who has finally found a buoy to hold on to.”

Will this mean that if this person is not with you then you will drown? Then as I said above there is no guarantee and this can happen again. Then you are back to square one. The same feelings, the same frustration, then the need to have someone else in our life and the cycle continues. I can understand that its a human feeling but if someone else is causing us to drown then we are not on the right track with ourselves.

“I guess that I should give myself time.”

Yes I believe this is exactly what you should do but without having the need to make or break the relation with P. Maybe when he writes and email you can respond too and when you decide to meet you can meet too. But this time there will be a “detached expectation”. Meaning – even if he writes an email or calls me to meet or NOT, I am still fine with it, with myself, because now I love myself, now I am going to be happy with myself and nobody else will complete me. Being with him is beautiful but even without him I’m good. In that way nobody else can make or break you.

“Any advice on how to find the courage to end this relationship with my friends-with-benefits would be most welcome.”

So if you do as stated above, then you do not need to do anything. Because if you have “detached expectation” and if you guys interact again, interaction with him will be effortless. And if he does not contact you again, you are still effortless in love with yourself. And you won’t need any strong emotions like “courage” to break things.

“I am afraid that I will not find someone else”

I wish I could sugar coat things and tell you that “No no this is not true you will definitely find someone again”. Instead I will tell you the realities of life. There are so many people out there (including famous celebrities) who are good looking, have money, a good career, but are yet single even at a later stage of life. Nowhere I am saying that you won’t find anyone. But there is no guarantee. And even if we find, life will again throw its own challenges. It is not necessary we will have a nice, blissful, peaceful, loving relationship. But the only thing that would matter is a nice, blissful, peaceful, loving relationship with ourself….and then another person in our already existing beautiful life may come or go.