Dear Yours:

I went over your previous thread looking to see if we discussed the origin of your anxiety and found out that we have not. We focused on your then relationship of four years with a man who selfishly refused to sit with you at the kitchen table for dinner (instead of having his dinner on the sofa in front of the TV) because .. he didn’t feel like it. The thread was about breaking up with him and you accomplished it successfully.

I did spot a pattern in your dating experience: “I .. have been in 3 consecutive relationships since I am 18. It have been nice relationships but I always end up breaking up after some years because I feel I need time to be with myself- consequently immediately falling head over heels for a new guy”.

The pattern within your previous relationship: “We are fine, stable.. then I start feeling restless, I want to do more of the things together that I enjoy like take walks, eat together… I explain, try to apply changes.. we fight, makeup and forget about it- I start focusing on myself and we are again stable for a couple of months until I again start feeling like something is missing for me in the relationship”.

We did not discuss anything about your childhood experience. Based on the above patterns, seems to me that when you were a child, living in your childhood home, you had times of comfort, feeling safe and loved, but there were other times, too frequent or too long, when you felt unsafe and emotionally distressed. This led to a conflicted state of mind: wanting to be at home, enjoying the safety and comfort at home when it was there, feeling distress about it not lasting, sometimes wanting to run away from home and be elsewhere, where it is always safe and comforting and good.

Does any of it ring true to you?

anita

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