Dear Matthew:

“I totally agree with your opinion, that I am afraid of separating from my childhood and entering adulthood.. I don’t feel I can compensate for the emptiness that will be left inside me. I feel like I lost faith in the world, in the way it works and in what it offers. I think that if I knew that I was able to find genuine people and if I knew I objectively represented value to the world, things would  be much easier because I could see that I am leaving a ‘good place’ (my home, my family), but I am going to another ‘good place’.”

You defined a “good place” as the experience of being objectively valued for who you are, for the way you think, behave and act, or for what you are good at (A bad place being the life experience where “I am not valued for who I am, for the way I think, behave and act, or for what I am good at”).

My input today:

You are living with your parents, and maybe with your grandmother as well (or close to). This home is your “good place”, in quotation marks because you are and have been dissatisfied there.  So actually, it is a bad place for you and has been a bad place for many years.

If living with your parents was indeed your good place, you wouldn’t consider leaving it.

At this point, and for years, the fact that your parents value you doesn’t satisfy you: it is not enough for you. You want the world to value you, but you are disappointed with the world.

You will need to make a choice: either accept and relax into living at home, with your parents or move out and into the world. If you choose the world, change your attitude regarding the world: the world is not about you, it’s not there to take you into loving arms. The world is not a good world. Many millions of people are struggling and suffering and dying in the world every single day. The world is  not likely to make an exception for you.

anita