Dear loveandkisseszaphod:

Regarding “asking for advice to everyone I can speak with”- it is unwise to ask for advice from anyone and everyone, and even more unwise- to accept advice without knowing anything about the person giving the advice.

In the context of your thread here, if you want to learn who is the person giving you advice, click on the person’s screen name. If you click on mine you will get many thousands of relies to many hundreds of members over the course of five years. If you read some threads on issues that you are not struggling with, issues that are clear to you, and then read my replies, you can determine if you agree with my replies. If you do, you can give more weight to my replies to you on issues you are struggling with. On the other hand, if you click a member’s screen name and read his or her replies to other members (if such exist) and you notice that his replies indicate not paying attention to the member’s story, and otherwise you disagree with his replies on issues that are clear to you, then give that person’s replies to you less weight.

“he (your psychologist) advises against consulting everyone providing all the details”- I agree. Be selective as to whom you are asking advice from and provide the details only to people who you learned may give you attentive and valuable advice.

“.. then always encourages me to be honest with what I feel to the guy and to express my feelings openly”- be honest and express your feelings openly with guys you didn’t yet have sex with, before sex, before you are hooked on them, or obsessed with them. Any one guy or a number of guys may not care about your honestly or feelings, once you notice that, do not pursue a relationship with them. There is no benefit to being honest, expressing your feelings openly with a guy who doesn’t care for these things, a guy who wants to use your body and has no interest in your mind and heart. And worse, being honest and honest with a guy who will use your honesty against you.

“In this case when I took his advice, I think it failed and pushed the guy away from me”- the guy you shared about, I don’t think he cared about your mind and heart. He told you right from the start that a relationship with you will be impossible for him and right from the start he pursued you sexually. I don’t think you pushed him away- he had no intents to be close with you, other than sexually at that time when your paths crossed.

“with this guy, whenever I wrote him that I missed him.. that I needed a little attention from him that day, I felt I was being needy and weak.. asking for some attention made me feel funny”- you shared your tender feelings and need with the wrong guy. He wasn’t interested. Key is to share your tender feelings and vulnerability with a decent guy who is interested in your mind and heart. You will still feel needy and weak and funny, but at least you will have a good chance of the guy comforting and helping you.

“I thought he was rolling his eyes. Is this because of his approach and who he is? Or is this because people sense a desperation or obsession about me.. what’s your take?”- in the case of this guy, he wasn’t interested in your mind and heart, his interest was sexual and limited to that time and place when you met, and a bit after. He told you himself, first time you met, that he wasn’t interested in a relationship.

You being desperate and obsessed, that blinds you, or deafens you to parts of reality (for example, it is as if you didn’t hear him say that a relationship with you is impossible), and it causes you to not be selective as to men you are involved with or people you ask advice from.

anita