Dear Ravi,

1. Your fear of rejection, your insecurities about being short and doubts about your family – This girl is not going to fix you (or for you)

2. Even if she goes ahead and marries you there is no guarantee that you will be peaceful and in acceptance with yourself. And only if YOU are happy and joyful you will be able to extend that happiness towards her and towards your married life and then in the outside world.

= Both of these words from you have swift a bit of my mindset, right now i’m trying to accept it… it’s really hard. When i find someone grow taller than me (kids so much younger than me) i still feel pain but i guess now i can accept that pain by trying to think something else. But if someone describe myself as “short” i still can’t accept it, i’ll end up feeling anxiety even though what they say that i’m short is true.

As for the girl, i still haven’t texted/replied her insta stories, when i can start to text her i’ll always end up delaying in by saying “maybe another day”… like i’m feeling lazy to text her as it’ll used up my mind thinking her… but i also feel that i might regret it.

And also i have a new insecurities, i feel envy for that girl who studies abroad (she is in japan now), i’ve always liked japan and i envy that she can go uni there whereas i study in abroad which is only 1 hour from my country that my parents make sure that i go back to my hometown to continue their business and here i am in the hometown right now.. what i envy is that as she’s a girl she can have her own path of life. idk why im feeling like this, some of my friends said that i should be grateful that my parents have a business and i can do my job easily (relax) here… it’s just that i feel so bored in this town (like really bored as it’s a small town), like i feel sad i end up here again and i dont make many friends here, like i really wanna explore more… but i know as i’m a lazy person i’ll end up going back here as it’s the best scenario for me. But again i still feel bored here.

I also feel bored here that i still can’t find a girl for me here in this town, is this a sign of immaturity?

i also feel that i might have no chance for her… as she have studied japanese language since she’s in highschool and right now she’s in uni… when she does this i have a feeling that she wants to have a life and family there (if not why would she study the language and have uni there). And after studying so hard there, why would she wanna go back to her hometown isn’t it?