Dear gamer:

He talks a whole lot, he says a lot of things over time. It is hard to keep track of all that he says and determine how honest he is at any one time. Overall, he seems honest to me. But almost everyone, if not everyone, chooses to tell one part of honesty to one person, and another part of honesty to another person. For example, he told you that he wants to be better for you because it is true and because he knows that you want to hear it. On the other hand, he told her that he wants to focus on work because it is true and he doesn’t think she needs to know that he wants to be better for you.

Also, a person may feel one way at one time and express it honestly, and a different way at another time and express that honestly. For example, he told you that he wants to be better for you because that’s how he felt at the time. But when he talked to the friend he didn’t feel like that, so he didn’t tell her that he wants to be better for you. He was honest with you and he was honest with her.

Another thing, no  one is perfectly honest all the time, not a single person, not even you. We all smile at  people we don’t like so to be polite, and we don’t tell people some truths so to not hurt their feelings. When he talks to you, he has in mind what you want to hear, and people who  want to please others tend to compromise the truth and say what the other person wants to hear.

You have been demanding, he is anxious and guilt ridden, so he is likely to say to you what you want to hear. This is why not being demanding, and not being argumentative is very important- so that the other person fears you less and is more likely to tell you the truth.

Here is a thought I had before I read your most recent post: the two of you are 20. Both of you live with your respective parents. Your parents don’t know about him; his don’t know about you. This relationship therefore, in practicality has not been and is not important in your life. Nothing really has been or is going on practically within this relationship: it’s all a big storm in a glass of water kind of a thing, an emotional storm for you, within you, while in real life, outside of your brain, nothing is happening!

anita