Dear Lily:

Yes, I do intend to take a walk today, it is part of my daily routine. Like you I love forests and I live in a forest. As a matter of fact I moved here because it is a forest.

* Regarding your roommate’s comment: “who knows what weird things Lily did with the machine”, she may have been referring to the home made laundry detergent you prepared and used doing laundry. I never heard of it being done before, so even though I wouldn’t use the word weird in this context, I would say that it is unusual, simply because I never heard it being done before you mentioned it. I would think that it may harm the laundry and even the machine if the soap wasn’t produced and tested by a company that has been producing laundry soap for a long time. I’d say, if it is a communal laundry machine, it is socially responsible to use the machine responsibly, in the usual way it is designed to be used. If I was you, I would make a mental note of it, and before you initiate a similar act, stop and think before you follow through with it.

Remember, Lily, that it is okay to make mistakes, no need to beat yourself up for it, simply make a mental note of it and correct in the future.

One more thing on the topic of you worrying that someone is thinking that you are weird- so what if someone is thinking that you are weird- what is the harm to you if someone thinks that you are weird? I want you to not be afraid of thoughts, not your own and not someone else’s. Thoughts are not dangerous!

I figure you don’t want to be treated badly by someone following that person thinking that you are weird, and you don’t want a potential employer not hiring you because he or she thinks that you are weird, but the fact that you were hired before and that you do live with roommates is clear indication that you are not.. excessively weird. Also, other people are weird too. We are all Weird at one time  or another. It’s not a problem, really, to be unusual or weird at times- it will be quite weird if someone is ..  never weird, or not weird for a whole day!

* Regarding your therapist saying that you are not empathetic (“I asked her if she thinks that I am lacking empathy? And she said yes”). First thing that comes to my mind on this topic is that your therapist is not always right and she has bad days too, like everyone else…Sometimes she is .. weird too! The fact that “At the end my therapist seemed like she almost started to cry”, leads me to think that maybe she had a difficult day and her thinking may have been affected. Nonetheless I looked up Empathy in Wikipedia and it says there that “Empathy definitions encompass a broad range of emotional states, including caring for other people and having a desire to help them… Having empathy can include having the understanding that there are many factors that go into decision making and cognitive thought process.. Understanding this allows a person to have empathy for individuals who sometimes make illogical decisions”- I would say that you have a lot of empathy when it comes to what I just quoted, lots and lots. Like you wrote yourself: “I can also be empathetic when someone doesn’t behave perfectly. And I want the best for others and not to hurt them”.

I  would say, you have too much empathy for others when it comes to understanding another person’s behavior, so much so that you tolerated offensive behavior and so, I would like you to have less empathy for others, and more, way more empathy for yourself!

I think that your therapist had a bad day and her thinking was affected, too bad. I wish she performed better as your therapist on that day. (Empathy is a complex concept, and no  one is perfectly empathetic, so she is right about you not being empathetic at times, in one way or another, to this or that person.. but that’s true for everyone).

* I hope you do find a new job or that your old job will be reinstated soon.

anita