thanks for your reply Jan.

If he puts dog poop in your car, then it is YOU who should be saying something to him, NOT your mother

yes I absolutely did address it in person with him?

 To be stating that your mother doesn’t love you because of these events is somewhat self-involved, I think.

did I say that? I don’t think so, but maybe I missed it?

I know for a fact she is being coached by her best friend who has a terrible non-relationship with her daughters. So I truly don’t think her actions are all of her own. I keep hoping she will ‘see the light’ and realize how damaging this behavior is.

That doesn’t mean you can’t still have a good relationship with her, and it certainly doesn’t mean you have to go no contact

The issue is more the dishonesty and lack of respect, more than her boyfriend. He has been like this for 10+ years, it’s nothing new. And I don’t think that will change, it’s been about 3 years of lying to me to avoid discomfort.

Have you ever been treated like this? If not, it’s incredibly hurtful and damaging. I just don’t feel like I can suddenly reach out to her and brush it all under the rug. I said to my husband on the weekend that as each week passes I don’t feel like I can forgive her.