Hi both,

@anita, yes, I do see how this is the case. It really does upset me, it is true, to realize it.

Does any of what I related above suggest a possible reason, though, behind my feelings? It’s hard to convey over the internet, and harder still since you don’t know me personally, all the other things that go into making me who I am. But I suppose I am looking for someone to say, yes, this was not a nice way to be treated. Does this make sense?

@Kiawaki, I have had this suggested before. You know, I think probably my idealized notion of romance came from what I was told about my parents’ meeting and marriage… I grew up thinking that the guy made these romantic gestures, the woman reciprocated, and then it was a done deal. Obviously I knew this wasn’t always the case but, I mean i was pretty much low when he came along and wanted to be wanted, you know?

Regarding my ruminating lately on the message board… well I have to say that I’m a bit disappointed in myself. I guess I’m still looking around for people to fight my corner, in a sense, to support my feelings and be on my side. But, in general I am way beyond him, not looking for any kind of reconciliation at all. Nor am I still pining after him or anything.

Instead, I am trying to build my resilience toward life and especially those situations when things go awry, or relationships end badly (anyone else I’ve ever lost contact with has just faded out… no drama). So I think in relating these stories I’m looking for others’ perspectives, and someone to say, “Yeah, makes sense that you struggled there.” I hate to think I sound whiny or like the problem, you know? I know I acted a little irrationally but like, it was very stressful!

LW