Dear Johnny:

“From reading other things from that thread”, as well as what you “had to say”, I say: locate a professional mental health therapist who specializes in childhood sexual abuse, a person with the education, certification and experience on the matter, and ask that person the question you are asking me.

If this issue has tormented you for 15 years, I would imagine that you would be highly motivated to pay for a professional assessment of what you shared here and guidance regarding how to proceed.

anita