Dear Carol:

“He loves me.. doesn’t want to lose me.. Yet can’t quite connect the dots. He asked if I will stay with him if he gets counseling to try and work out what he wants… I feel like I’d regret not staying with him to explore if this would work”-

– here is what I suggest: go to counseling with him, couple counseling. The problems in this relationship are not his alone, you are anxious, you don’t want to wait and wait, wondering if he does proceed to attend counseling, if he shows up to his sessions, wondering if he will share with you what transpires in his sessions.. go to the sessions with him.

There are counselors who do individual counseling and couple counseling. He can see that counselor individually at times, and he can see the same counselor at times, with you. In the couple counseling sessions, the counselor should facilitate communication between the two of you, address issues, so that you know what is going on, so that your concerns are addressed, and you are in the loop.

If he truly loves you, he would want to include you in some of his sessions, because you need help too in the context of the relationship with him, and you need to be an active participant in the relationship, not a passive participant, waiting and hoping for the best.

anita