Dear Lea:

Lots of wisdom in your recent post: “it’s not possible for me to save someone, no matter how hard I love this person.. Listen to him when he wants to talk is all I can do.. it’s sometimes hard to admit we are helpless in front of our loved-ones who are struggling. The only thing I can do is to get myself informed in order to understand what he’s going through and to get some peace of mind”- I couldn’t have said it better myself.

What you wrote about expressing yourself in a language that you are not fluent with, being a slowing down opportunity, basically, makes good sense. I am impressed by you!

You asked (if I understand correctly) if it is possible that through therapy he can “erase” the intrusion of his OCD into the cuddling and touching- yes, it is possible, depending on how strong of a hold the OCD took of the territory of cuddling and touching. I think it is likely that he will be spontaneous again in this area because intimacy and sex is a strong urge. But it is not a sure thing, that he will be spontaneous again.

“the mechanism of intrusive thoughts will always be the one to have the advantage over a situation”- OCD is powerful, especially when a person experiences increased stress and/ or is overly tired.

You asked, if he perceived the situation with you as dangerous to him, how is it that he keeps talking to you daily, at length- if I remember correctly, he is living with his mother, who is quite dangerous to him. He can be taking breaks from her (being physically close to her) by talking with you (being physically father away from him and overall less dangerous than his mother).

In our lives, overall, there is no absolute safety, and often there are various degrees of danger, so we escape one danger by choosing a situation that is relatively not dangerous.

Does I answer your question (I am not sure)?

anita