Dear Anita,

One of the greatest learning curves from my ex was to not be involved in a relationship with someone who’s immediate family lives in India. I feel coming from a similar culture, I have realized the severe family dynamics, and social issues of arranged marriage that exist give me severe anxiety as I know it will be a bubble of uncertainties. My preference would really be to talk to people who’s family is living in North America. I am a very family-oriented person and I want the opportunity to get to know their family because with my ex I believed too much of his words since I had no way of getting to know his family living miles away. Would it be healthy to carry this thinking when dating? For example, if I am speaking to someone who has family residing in India then perhaps it may not be the wisest to continue the conversation.  I also don’t want to miss out on someone great because of that but I feel it might be the best thing to do before I get too invested and then I am not able to.

I ask because recently my friend told me about someone she thinks I might get along with (she does not know as much about my experience with my ex and the reasons for the relationship to end), I agreed to speak to the person she suggested. After a few conversations over text, I learned his whole family resides in India, and only he has been living in the same city as me for five years. I just didn’t want to continue the conversation further and politely ended the conversation. I know I could have taken the time to get to know him better before jumping to conclusions but I find it only becomes harder then because your selective memory kicks in and you want to focus only on the positive “what ifs” rather than that harsh reality check.

Do you feel that was okay for me to do?