Dear Daniel:

“Do you think that I need to be in a romantic relationship with a woman to understand that I am loveable?”-No. A man can have 1000 romantic relationships and still believe that he is unlovable.

“Or is there any other way?”- there is only one way, and that is healing. When any living thing gets injured, it needs to heal.

By suggesting that the healing process needs to happen outside the context of your relationship with your mother, I mean the following:  most recently, you had a long talk with your mother about your childhood. Your conclusion as stated in your post before last was: “I think she did the best she could and I don’t blame her for anything”-

– healing will require that you focus not on your mother, not on whether or not she did the best she could, not on whether there is something to blame her for.. but on you: on whether or not you had a good life as  a child, and how to make your life better than the life you had so far.

In the context of a child (of any age) and his mother, the child is too  close to his mother, and he focuses on her. His empathy is for her. Healing requires that you focus on you, and that your empathy is for you.

Don’t look for answers asking your mother. Answers are in quality psychotherapy away from your mother, without sharing about it with her. In other words, keep your healing and your relationship with your mother separate.

anita