Dear Aum:

You are welcome.

“Do you think wanting to help him address the glacier is more harmful than helpful?” – harmful if you pressure/ demand of him to address the glacier; helpful if he is motivated to address the glacier, and then you encourage him to do so gently and patiently, while providing him with safety in the context of his relationship with him.

“On the other hand, engaging in unhealthy behaviour, ignoring and being in denial of the glacier may actually hurt him more. Maybe it’s not my place to make that decision for him?”- his mental/ physical health is likely to get worse if he doesn’t engage in the healing process that requires addressing the glacier. When we don’t move forward (heal), we move backward (get sicker).

“He recently wrote me a couple emails, where he opened up”-I mentioned fear as a powerful motivator earlier: on one hand he is afraid to open up, on the other hand he is afraid that you will break up with him. So what is likely to happen is that he opens up a bit, like he did in the couple of emails recently, but when he feels safe enough in the relationship (not afraid that you will break up with him), he will abandon his efforts to open up. You can trust him to address the glacier and heal only if he is greatly motivated to do so.

It seems to me that he needs professional help, if he is motivated to address the glacier. I don’t think you can help him open up. You can only facilitate it and encourage it if he is motivated to heal  in the context of quality psychotherapy, and makes it happen.

anita