Dear jenny:

As far as # 1: “I feel really evil for even having this thought but believing that he will be the same narcissistic way he was with me with even his next gf or wife, makes me feel better”-

– whatever thoughts occur to you,  and whatever feeling you experience- that’s between you and .. you. What I mean by it is that your thoughts and feelings do not exit your brain/ body; they stays in you unless you put them into words and actions that you communicate to others. It is your words and actions that can make you good or bad, not your thoughts and feelings. So you are not evil because you think what you think.

Regarding #2 and what you shared elsewhere about this man: if the behaviors you described on his part are not his emotional reactions to you abusing him or harassing him (ex. calling him names, threatening him, calling him non-stop, etc.), then regardless whether he could be diagnosed by a professional with Narcissitic Personality Disorder or not, he is a very rude and cruel person, not one I would want any woman to get involved with. A man who is this rude and cruel does not change to a gentle and kind man with new woman, not long term.

Regarding #3: if you are the “second kind of mourner” who “get on with life but always carry them and remember them almost daily, as if keeping them alive within them”- do you think that you will be carrying the good times you had with him (did you???), or also the rudeness and cruelty that you described?

I am glad you feel better just by writing it all down.

anita