Hi Anita,

I do see your point.  He’s not an innocent child and it should be so easy as to just grow up.  He is making decisions and behaving as he would as an adult.  I believe you have mentioned this before.

Today I don’t feel like doing much of anything.  I’m actually feeling a bit down and have spent most of the morning with my cat hanging out in front of the fireplace.  It’s Saturday and I know I don’t need to feel pressured to do anything, but still feel very unproductive.

My mom texted me this morning that she was having her first cup of coffee and wished I was there with her.  I miss her but feel the trip to her house at this time would be so emotional for me and I don’t know what to do about that.  As I said, bf and her live in the same town, as it’s the town we grew up in (it’s about 1.5 hours north).  My trip to see her would be the same trail I would follow to see him, except once I reached town, I would turn left to see her; turn right to see him.  It’s the trip I will need to take on Christmas Eve.  Mom has Christmas Eve.

I think for now I need to get outside and take a walk. As much as my cat is enjoying my company, I  need to do something to pull myself out of this hole.  If I left myself, I could cry all day.

Katie