Dear Katie:

Japan- how exciting for your son, isn’t it?

I read: “This weekend I will put up my Christmas tree. I’ve been dragging my feet a bit on this because bf and I always did this together”, and I thought to myself: not always, far from always, most of your life happened before bf was of any significance in your life. Then I proceeded to read: “But, my mom reminded me that that has been for the past 5 years. I’ve had Christmases before him”- bingo, so I don’t have to  point this out to you.

I also share your daughter feeling of anger at bf, even though I never met him and am not personally involved. It is not that he made a mistake and after a few days at the most apologized sincerely for it- he’s been wrong for way too long while not feeling guilty for it. He communicates with you, tells you he misses you and whatnot.. but he doesn’t express guilt. Seems like he is not aware that he has wronged you and your daughter!

“she feels she trusted him and now  lost that trust”- and he doesn’t seem to be aware of the facts that he indeed betrayed her trust in him, and your trust in him. Without an awareness on his part, without a sense of valid guilt, what is there to expect from him…(?)

anita

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