Dear miyoid:

If the combination of (1) keeping contact with your family (2) regularly visiting them, and (3) living far away from them- will not harm you– then it is a good plan.

“It’s really hard to make somebody change and it feels like he doesn’t want to change”- it is really hard to change for you too: to change your belief that you can change him and that you can help him. It is hard for you to change these beliefs and your actions based on these beliefs.

“He has been like this since his childhood”- and you have been like this since your childhood: focusing on others, attending to others’ mental health, instead of focusing and attending to your own.

“I’m almost at the end of my rope. I’ve wrenched a rope from him the other day because he was preparing to commit suicide”- you are getting to the end of your rope while he was fetching his rope. A relationship that involves either or both parties getting closer to their ropes- is a relationship that should end responsibly and as soon as possible.

“I feel like your reply will contain sentences to encourage me to end this relationship or separate for a while”- yes, I am encouraging you to end this relationship responsibly and as soon as possible.

“I have come to a state where I cannot even hope for our relationship. I just want to save him. Yes, I would be miserable without him. I would lose my will to live for a while”- in your mind, he is saving you: being in your life, he is giving you the will to live.

“without him.. I won’t die”- I am glad you realize this.

“I won’t be suicidal. But he might be”- he already is, just the other day he got a rope to hang himself- while you are living with him. (I don’t know if he really planned to hang himself or being in emotional pain, he performing a dramatic act, as if in a theater, so to get you to see in how much pain he was).

“I want to show him that it can always be better”- show him by making your life better away from him. While you stay with him, he has not gotten better. Away from him- maybe he will get better.

anita