Dear Nichole:

This will be my second post in a three posts study. The third, tomorrow- will be the third post of the three. This second post is about your attitudes and experience with psychiatric medications:

For many long months, you described extensively and repeatedly your very troubling experience with ongoing acute anxiety, depression, confusion and severe insomnia. At different times I suggested that you see a doctor so to consider psychiatric medications (in addition to suggesting to you psychotherapy, daily exercise, guided meditations, yoga, etc.).

This is what you wrote (“/” often means moving from what you shared on one particular day to what you shared on a different day, in the same month):

February 2019, Chicago: “I have appointment on Thursday to see a General Practitioner. I’m hoping she can help guide me on which way to go with medication. I am very scared of (medication)/ I went to the Doctor and was prescribed Zoloft. I have yet to start it because I am nervous to be on medication.. nervous to start… It seems to be very complicated when deciding to go on meds. And that is what I am worried about. I don’t want to be on so many and then have to deal with weaning off of them. It seems sometimes more complicated than being depressed in the first place. Or maybe I am just seeing the negative end of it/ I am going to much consideration before taking anything because it makes me nervous. They prescribed me the smallest dosage at 25 MG of Zoloft”.

May: “I am so down today. More than ever I think.. I might start the Zoloft I was given/ I tried the over the counter but that didn’t work. I actually came to the ER because it was going on 6 days no sleep and I was scared. Prescribed me Xanax and said to start Zoloft.. I think I’m going to start. But I’m scared.

June: “I have been depressed today. Did not ask the Zoloft, chickened out but thinking about it tonight/ I didn’t sleep at all! That’s with taking Zoloft and Xanax.. No sleep, not even with Xanax? What can I do?.. I am taking sertraline, the generic of Zoloft. And yes Xanax. The bottle says at bedtime I took that two days ago and slept. Last night no sleep, high anxiety and stress and tremors!/ I asked the pharmacist and he told me both at night. I have not just taken Xanax. I was going to do that last night but decided on both/ maybe I’ll do mornings or maybe I’ll just stop? And take Xanax for sleep. I don’t need those side affects/ I’m hoping sleep tonight when I take only Xanax/ I don’t think I’m taking Zoloft anymore/ I am choosing to stop and bought some super b complex stress vitamins.. I got 4 hours of sleep with Xanax/ Was prescribed Ambien and did nothing for me!/ I am actually feeling good today. I slept all night! Took 2 Benadryl. Woke up with less anxiety and more motivation.

July: “I am not okay! I have been having severe anxiety attacks! I nearing a deep depression, I can’t it anymore.. Scared to take meds again.. I can’t do this with this extreme anxiety creeping through my body! It’s in my neck and back and throat and chest. But most painfully my head. I feel like I’m being electrocuted!/ Went to the doctor am on 10mg Ambien for sleep 1 mg of Xanax 3 times daily 50 mg Zoloft in the morning.. I felt more depressed, worthless, and doubtful than ever today. Not sure if it is any of the meds but my self wasn’t me today/ 2 days on Zoloft and I can’t get out of bed.. My body jolting. My head zapping/ I am complying with my meds.. I didn’t get any sleep.. The Xanax does not seem to be doing anything. Neither does Ambien/ I went to psychiatrist and got more sleeping pills. Still no sleep. Anxiety has taken over nothing really works.. I’m debilitated.

November: “I have had horrible times with my anxiety and attacks.. dissociated and depersonalized. I did go to a psychiatrist and am on 3 meds. Not sleeping.

December 2019, Chicago: “I don’t feel the meds doing anything. My anxiety is at a max resulting in numbness.

June 2020, Florida: “Regarding medication and a psychiatrist, no I currently am not on anything. I decided to get off a while ago because I felt it was making me more but honestly I feel like the screaming girl is going to keep screaming until I give her something familiar.. I’ve tried 4 medications. Found a psychiatrist here and it didn’t work. I’m not sure how to find a good one. I was recommended this Dr. who asked me in a session which medication I’d like to try. It was not reassuring. It’s tiring when I have had so many bad experiences after the next. Nothing good getting thrown in between.

December 2020, Florida: “I am not sure if I  would get the vaccine. I am usually skeptical about what I put in my body. Especially now in 2020. I know the situation is demanding but I still have to consider… Considering meds again. I have a prescription just reluctant to take them.”

Third post tomorrow.

anita