September 11, 2019 at 9:22 pm #311733
After a year of challenging life situations including the downfall of my relationship that I thought would be forever, the death of my mother, the death of my aunt, the loss of support from family, and most recently the death of my uncle I sit and wonder what my life will be now. I have faced so much loss and pain. I have come back after a recent downfall. I completely lost my mind and almost lost everything because it became too much. I am now settled in my place and starting to come back to life but my emotions are still a roller coaster and my mind is still racing. I am lacking most compassion and starting to see the world as pointless. I do try and keep positive and continue to small goals in little steps as I refuse to give up on myself but I am still confused about life and it’s purpose.September 11, 2019 at 11:54 pm #311755
Hi Nicole, I am so sorry to hear this. I recently lost my grandmother last month and this month would have been her birthday. She raised me and was my only parent. Im not in contact really with any other family members. I have been extremely anxious, and worried, and having to like cry myself to sleep sometimes. I just say this to say, you are not alone.September 12, 2019 at 6:20 am #311803
That’s an awful lot of people to lose in the same year. I’m not surprised that you went to pieces and are looking for meaning and purpose to your life. Learn to calm your mind in whatever way you can – music, exercise routines, walks in nature and so on. If you find it helpful, connect with bereavement groups usually run by counselors and gain support in that way. Give yourself time and continue being positive and taking those small steps to achieve goals. Consider how much you have to offer others and what your purpose might be rather than what the purpose of life is.
PeggySeptember 12, 2019 at 10:42 am #311901
Welcome back! I am glad you started a new thread.
“What will my life be now?”- my answer is: looking for love in all the right places (vs looking for love in all the wrong places as the song says).
In the past you looked for love in the wrong places. For many of us the wrong place to look for love is…alas- our families! Our families are supposed to be where love is, but isn’t it a tragedy, for so many of us, that love is not there.
You grew up with very little love, your parents having been occupied with other things, other priorities. You carry with you not only a desire to experience love, to love and be loved, but also anger at not having been loved as a child, and onward. This anger is in the way of you finding love.. where love is available for you, a new man in your life, a new relationship.
Perhaps your anger is in your way of making friends as well.
I know you spent a lot of money on hotels and such before you moved in to your new place and you had to furnish your new place. I hope you are saving money now and that you are not planning on spending it on .. a trip to Arizona, let’s say (it is where your older brother lives if I remember correctly).
What I do hope you do with any money that you are able to save at this point, is to use it for quality psychotherapy, or counseling, so to express and understand your anger, for the purpose of moving toward what you always needed and wanted- to love and be loved in return.