Forum Replies Created
October 18, 2021 at 6:24 am #387514
It seems to me that Lisa has been very unreasonable with her demands over her wedding. She has probably gone through a very stressful time planning her wedding which has added to her anxiety levels and you seem to be bearing the brunt of some of this. The fact that she didn’t support you sufficiently through your own trauma is a separate issue. Some people just aren’t able to empathize but to suggest that you are delusional or a liar is crossing a boundary from which there is no return. Things and people change through time and your relationship would be changed by the fact that she is now married. I suggest that you use this as a convenient time to reinvest your energies into other relationships as well as yourself and give your ex-friend a wide berth, mentally as well as physically. You had a friendship that lasted 20 years. There is always some give and take in relationships. So what if you gave more than her. That’s to your credit. Accept that it is now over and lay it to rest.
PeggySeptember 9, 2021 at 11:22 am #386004
What you are really saying (I think) is that you want to be loved for yourself. During your time with your ex you could give expression to some parts of yourself which you may have kept hidden from other people. Most people adapt their behaviour to some extent depending on who they are with. Very few people are accepted totally for who they are and it sounds as if your ex boyfriend was one of those rare people who could do that. His loss, therefore, is affecting you quite deeply.
He probably still appreciates your quirky nature but for reasons best known to himself isn’t able to continue the relationship with you. Ultimately, you need to accept yourself as you are, quirks and all. This is the way you were made and there probably isn’t much you can do about it so you may as well learn to love yourself exactly as you are.
PeggyJuly 16, 2021 at 6:05 am #382972
How are you today? Let me put your mind at rest. We are all spiritual! Regardless of which religion or culture people come from, they/we all contain a spirit. Some say that we are all spirit having an earthly experience which I can agree with but first and foremost in my opinion, we are given a physical body in which to live our lives on earth so we can just as easily turn this around and say that we are earthly beings seeking spiritual insights i.e. purpose and meaning to our lives. Please continue to live with your own belief system which, by the way, coincides with mine and let others live with theirs. Agree to differ on this aspect should the subject arise.
Continue with your quest to live in the light, with love, with respect, with compassion, with kindness and ignore talk of sins and punishments and those that seek to control through fear and ignorance.
Call upon divine light and love to help with your health issues and dare I suggest that you access the frequency of the healing energies. Imagine a beam of white light if you will entering through your crown chakra and flowing through your body easing away the pain, both physical and emotional, bringing you to a place of harmony and balance. A piece of citrine, the cuddle stone, may be beneficial to you as well.
I hope this has been helpful.
With best wishes
PeggyJuly 16, 2021 at 5:27 am #382971
How are you today? No one man has the answer for everyone. It is not possible. We are all different, special and unique. Quotes are not necessarily the truth, regardless of where they came from. The most upbeat, positive person may still be lacking something. It’s OK to say that you are lacking a partner and that you would like one. The world is not going to crumble because you say you lack something. Your feelings are valid and if that is the way you feel so be it. If you want to meet someone, then you need to be mixing with people. Follow your own passions, join groups which interest you, volunteer etc. Involve yourself with life, give ‘abundant’ love and before long you will be attracting love into your life.
Here’s a quote I read today: If you had everything – where would you put it all?
PeggyJuly 9, 2021 at 3:09 am #382678
Begin building your self esteem by listing all the good qualities you possess. I’ve seen several of them in your posts. Loving, supportive, caring, empathize, intelligent, loyal and so on. Repeat them over and over to yourself until they are firmly fixed into your psyche. It’s scary going out into the workplace after such a long break but you need to face that fear. Otherwise, you may never make that leap into employment. Logically, you know how capable you are so send love to that frightened little boy and assure him that everything will be fine now. It’s awful being in limbo over what to do but any decision is better than no decision and if there is a job opportunity that you are excited about then let this be your guide. What does it offer that others don’t. Too often we want to make life rational with our thinking processes but our heart is our true brain. Sometimes, putting our hands on our hearts when faced with a dilemma and asking ourselves how we ‘feel’ about each possible solution will guide us to our best option.
I will be away over the weekend. Take care of yourself and that lovely girlfriend of yours.
PeggyJuly 8, 2021 at 5:41 am #382642
Can I just say that knowledge is never wasted and there will be a reason why you took your Ph.D. I personally would find it very challenging to be on Zoom with students and having to converse presumably without a script. I recently read some of my poetry out to a small, friendly group but, never having done such a thing before, I was very emotional and it came through in my voice. Not being one to wear my heart on my sleeve (English expression?), sharing something so personal was ground breaking for me. I received some applause for my efforts which was very comforting.
Every step you take is a step closer to your goal, even if you do have to move the goalposts sometimes. I applaud you for your bravery, you kept going even though your heart was racing, and you controlled your emotions until you could release them safely in your own space. You are doing OK.
Please don’t lose heart. An excellent job opportunity will present itself to you soon. Believe it.
PeggyJuly 8, 2021 at 5:10 am #382641
It sounds as if you have come to your own conclusions now and that you are ready to move on. It’s good that you can spend some time with your family and friends who at this stage are far more important to you than his family (sister’s birthday party). I’m sure he’ll get the message and will have guessed by Monday that you won’t tolerate his behaviour.
Great news that you can study Hebrew – the tone of your post tells me how much happier you are feeling about your life. I don’t know you but I am so pleased for you.
Good luck with everything. Have a great life.
PeggyJuly 8, 2021 at 4:44 am #382640
I am sorry to hear that your diagnosis is causing you such angst. You are going through an early menopause and are receiving medication to help with that. At the moment, that seems to be the only thing that is wrong with you. Seek advice as to whether or not your treatment in itself can contribute to a heart attack or cancer. I don’t think it can. Deal with one day at a time. Listen to your husband when he tells you that your worrying will be detrimental to you in the long term. Worrying about what will happen is futile. It is always better to look for solutions than to look for problems. Be grateful for all the things you have in your life today. Go for walks in nature and meditate on all the beauty you see around you. Breathe deeply whilst standing by a tree or walking through woodlands. Feel glad to be alive. As soon as negative thoughts of the future arise, say STOP. Turn your thoughts around and focus on a future positive event. Plan for outings that you can enjoy and accept invitations for get-togethers, hopefully with positive people. It can be very uplifting. Find reasons to celebrate. You have this one life – get out there and enjoy it. Whether you think positively or negatively, you are making a choice. It’s up to you and no-one else.
I wish you health and happiness.
PeggyJuly 6, 2021 at 3:59 am #382485
You are three weeks into this relationship and you don’t want to be pressured into having sex. Your boyfriend has managed to turn that around into a ‘pressure’ upon himself. Added to that his long standing relationship has just come to an end and he has to meet with her (presumably) for a handover of all her possessions. I’m willing to bet that he isn’t scared of hurting you but that he is scared of hurting himself. He wouldn’t say such a thing if he was in a loving relationship with you. These are early days and things moved at a fast pace with him introducing you to his family. You are talking of getting married to a man who isn’t ready for such a commitment and there is no competition among friends involved. It doesn’t matter if he is the first or the last of them to get married. You need to know that you are compatible and that you are secure as a couple.
My opinion is that you should stand back and ask yourself if he is mature enough or stable enough for a long term relationship at this moment in time. The cracks have appeared. It doesn’t sound good. He is already rethinking the commitment. Four weeks into a relationship and the problems are appearing. You haven’t known him long enough to know him as a complete person. People are inclined to show themselves at their best during the early days and then they drop the mask and less desirable traits surface.
“This much drama is so bad”. Even if you wanted sex with him now, he would want to wait? Really! Alternatively, he might be wanting to punish you for rejecting him.
If you really want to stay and make this work, you probably need some couples counselling but so early on!!!
My advice to you would be that you should seriously consider moving on to someone new, someone who can be more positive about sharing a future with you.
PeggyJuly 5, 2021 at 3:56 am #382466
I just wanted to add that it is usually easier to find employment when you are already in a job. Your interview was (is) for a new position and as such there may be some scope to ‘make it your own’. If this position doesn’t become yours, is there a possibility that you could move closer to your parents who seem to want to support you now.
As your girlfriend is in a job that she does not enjoy, perhaps you could talk to her about relocating to be close to you. It seems that the distance is putting an added pressure on the aspect of you finding full time employment.
Is it possible that you could take a class in Qi Gong which strongly focuses on breathing with movement and becomes a form of meditation. If not, certainly bring affirmations into your practice.
Again, I hope this all works out for you.
PeggyJuly 4, 2021 at 1:58 am #382394
From my experience, the reality of a job is rarely as described at interview. You have another chance to secure this full time position yet you are putting obstacles in your way. Take this one day at a time. If you are lucky enough to be offered this position grab it with both hands and then commit to doing it to the best of your abilities. If you want an interesting job, then be interested. Your fears are based on “what ifs”. These are just imagined fears. What if it works out well, what if it turns out to be your ideal job, what if another job within the company comes along that does excite you – right place, right time. There are endless possibilities.
Begin by living in the “now”. Live one day at a time. That’s all you can do. That’s all any of us can do. Count your blessings. That fat kid has a Ph.D. Congratulations. The best way to answer your critics is to rise above it and make a success of your life. You have intelligence and you have love. WOW. There is no magic potion to cure all your woes but saying thank you for all the good in your life is a wonderful place to start. When you meditate do you light a candle and play soft music. Do you have a focus – a mantra, a flower, a candle flame. The word “Om” is universal or repeating “I am at peace”.
Depression is the opposite of expression. Express yourself in your own terms. Writing is a wonderful way of letting your grief out (grief caused through a mentally abusive childhood) or any other angst that you may be feeling.
In Reiki, we have a connection symbol. Meditation is about connecting to your inner self. Knowing yourself on a deep level which may also lead to knowing what your life’s purpose may be. We are called human beings yet very few of us know how to just ‘be’.
I hope you can find your way through your current difficulties.
PeggyJuly 3, 2021 at 11:33 am #382348
You say that you have recently lost your father to Covid – this could be affecting you quite badly so I hope you have been able to grieve, that you have made your peace with him and that you have some happy memories to look back on. A simple ritual like lighting a candle for him and saying a prayer or playing his favourite music can help with this.
Anger can be managed. One of the best ways of helping you to overcome this is learning correct breathing techniques. Hold your hand on the area between your lower ribcage and breathe fully into your hand (your lungs). If you do this a few times your anger will begin to subside. Focusing on your breath for a few minutes each day is very therapeutic.
Building self esteem is far easier than you may think. Begin by writing yourself a list of all the good characteristics you possess. You have already mentioned some of them – loyal, honest, kind, giving. Say these words, and any more you can think of, over and over to yourself until they are well and truly embedded in your psyche. Remind yourself every day that you love yourself and that you are every bit as good as anyone that has ever lived before or will ever live again (this is the truth). You have come into this life with your own set of characteristics and your own purpose. There is only one YOU!
For every word of criticism that enters your head, counteract it by giving yourself praise. You cannot change your mother, but you can change your reaction to her and her words. When she stops having the desired effect on you, she may stop the behaviour. You may need to give yourself thinking time before responding to her. Alternatively, you may have to walk away from her abuse.
I hope you can work things out for yourself.
PeggyJuly 1, 2021 at 9:27 am #382236
The way I see it is that you have met with someone in your new place of work with whom you have formed a connection. Chances are you have been guided there by an outside force. She is interested in crystals, tarot, meditation and is in touch with her guides. If you feel strongly attracted to her, then please ask her out. This is your prerogative. There is no way of knowing how that will work out. Perhaps she will be your ‘teacher’ in the short term or perhaps you will form a long term relationship based on friendship or love.
My gut instinct tells me that you have been connected to this person, Kale, in a previous life. Nothing you can say to me would sound weird.
Hope you can work it out!
PeggyJune 30, 2021 at 2:09 am #382176
Thank you for your reply. It sounds as if your spirit left your body during meditation and you were able to observe yourself and your room. The spirit world is all around us, they share our space. This includes your loved ones and your guides. You can ask to meet them during meditation – let them come to you if they feel it is beneficial. Your sub-conscious mind is already with you. That just contains things that have happened to us, thoughts and feelings, that we are not focusing on. As soon as you recall a memory, it becomes conscious. No flight necessary. Even your higher self is there with you.
I hope you find what you are looking for through astral projection.
PeggyJune 29, 2021 at 2:31 am #382117
I do not have first hand experience of astral projection but I have read of people that can visit friends, say, and be able to recount details of those visits through such projections, details of conversations and circumstances which were taking place.
I would question why you would want to astrally project yourself. Where are you trying to project yourself to? Apparently, although we may be consciously unaware of it, our spirits leave our bodies on a regular basis, particularly during sleep. It’s worth bearing in mind that there isn’t a distinction between physical, mental, emotional and spiritual, other than the one we chose to place upon it. Our whole being has enough inner intelligence to know what is happening to it on all levels. In other words, we are affected on all levels by what happens to us. We are all spiritual people. We came from spirit and we will return to spirit regardless of whether we acknowledge it or not.
On the subject of God, the greatest and most powerful statement is that “God is Love”. If you put love in your heart, you have God in your heart. Give out with love to yourself, your parents, your family, your friends, your work colleagues, your community and the wider world. Believe in a loving God.
You have been given the gift of life by your parents and no-one can do more for you than that. Be grateful to them (even if you clash over religious issues). It is all part of your soul’s purpose.