Forum Replies Created
March 15, 2023 at 5:29 am #416321
PTSD can be pretty easy to treat. A stress consultant would have in depth conversations with your girlfriend to ascertain how the problems arose, teach relaxation methods and within about six sessions, should be able to move on to treating PTSD. In simple terms, trauma is caused by the emotions attached to an event. Depression is the result of dominant personalities or grief that has been unexpressed. Psychosis tends to run in families and needs expert help. Of course, every case is different as to how problems arose.
Your own anxiety could also be helped considerably by learning relaxation techniques. It could be as simple as learning to breathe fully (as opposed to shallow breathing) or taking up an exercise routine such as yoga or Qi Gong. It’s worth thinking about.
Rejection is always tough to take. We’ve all been there. It doesn’t matter what her reasoning is, it still hurts. You sound as if you are looking for a logical explanation and there perhaps isn’t one. Accepting the situation as it is might bring you peace of mind. I hope so. Best Wishes.March 14, 2023 at 6:50 am #416285
I’m sorry that you grew up in an abusive home. The abuser is the one who has the problem not his victim. You don’t need to keep playing the victim. The abuse has gone through all layers of your being and it needs to be removed. I’m not a great believer in talking therapies that have no end. I love Tee’s paragraph that says “When I found compassion for the little girl that I was, who was deprived of love, warmth and emotional support, my healing started.” It’s not too late to send love to your inner child. Do you have a photograph of yourself as a baby or young child. If so, look at yourself and send love to the photograph, the image of who you used to be. If not, you can still send love to yourself. Give yourself all the kindness and warmth that you missed out on. Do this every day. It is a very powerful exercise which has amazing results. Believe that this will bring about the changes that you so desire and it will.March 14, 2023 at 4:25 am #416282
I’ve read all the posts and it really does seem that you have shown yourself to be a loving, supportive partner towards your girlfriend. The problem is that no matter how much you say or do, it disappears into an empty well. PTSD is easy to treat when you (your girlfriend) finds a qualified professional. I am speaking from that perspective.
For want of a better phrase, you have now been shown the red card. You have found out where you stand with her from this dating app. She’s looking for someone else. I suggest that you mentally let her go with love and move on to someone new who can return your feelings. Cut all contact and move on.March 14, 2023 at 3:55 am #416281
Consider that the person who felt it necessary to make negative comments about your looks has a serious problem. As someone else said, we each have our own perception of beauty etc. Your girlfriend was attracted to you. Why? Explore this with her. It’s far more important to have an attractive personality. That comes from within. Being kind, loving, loyal, humorous, thoughtful are far more important qualities to me in a partner than ‘ideal’ looks. Sharing the same values is also important in maintaining a close and strong bond. Don’t give up on love just because someone made a cruel comment.January 7, 2022 at 8:43 am #390836
What you seem to be looking for is a way to heal your inner self. I would like to make a suggestion. Imagine yourself as a new born baby or look at a photo of yourself and send love to that image. Send love to yourself to any time or any stage in your life when you felt this was lacking. You have yourself. Give yourself the emotional support that you feel your childhood and subsequent adulthood lacked. Make time for this most important task. You may need to do it several times a day whenever a ‘bad’ memory surfaces or perhaps for an hour before you go to sleep. Slowly but surely this will have a deep impact on you.
Secondly, take some time to focus on your characteristics and positive aspects of yourself. There is no such thing as ‘normal’. We all have our own quirks. Love yourself quirks and all. Train your brain. Use affirmations. Seek out positive messages and display them on a pinboard where you can see them every day. Your mind and body are interlinked. Healthy mind = healthy body.
Fear is prevalent in our society. Courageous people feel fear, they just don’t succumb to it. They go out and do what they want to do in spite of it. The choice is yours.
Love does not rely on people fitting the stereotype of what is ‘beautiful’. People find love regardless of their looks. Radiating love from within is beautiful. Try it and see. Spend five minutes a day literally breathing love in. Every time you take an in-breath say the word ‘love’ silently or outloud. This will circulate throughout your body and will change everything.
Be the miracle.
‘October 18, 2021 at 6:24 am #387514
It seems to me that Lisa has been very unreasonable with her demands over her wedding. She has probably gone through a very stressful time planning her wedding which has added to her anxiety levels and you seem to be bearing the brunt of some of this. The fact that she didn’t support you sufficiently through your own trauma is a separate issue. Some people just aren’t able to empathize but to suggest that you are delusional or a liar is crossing a boundary from which there is no return. Things and people change through time and your relationship would be changed by the fact that she is now married. I suggest that you use this as a convenient time to reinvest your energies into other relationships as well as yourself and give your ex-friend a wide berth, mentally as well as physically. You had a friendship that lasted 20 years. There is always some give and take in relationships. So what if you gave more than her. That’s to your credit. Accept that it is now over and lay it to rest.
PeggySeptember 9, 2021 at 11:22 am #386004
What you are really saying (I think) is that you want to be loved for yourself. During your time with your ex you could give expression to some parts of yourself which you may have kept hidden from other people. Most people adapt their behaviour to some extent depending on who they are with. Very few people are accepted totally for who they are and it sounds as if your ex boyfriend was one of those rare people who could do that. His loss, therefore, is affecting you quite deeply.
He probably still appreciates your quirky nature but for reasons best known to himself isn’t able to continue the relationship with you. Ultimately, you need to accept yourself as you are, quirks and all. This is the way you were made and there probably isn’t much you can do about it so you may as well learn to love yourself exactly as you are.
PeggyJuly 16, 2021 at 6:05 am #382972
How are you today? Let me put your mind at rest. We are all spiritual! Regardless of which religion or culture people come from, they/we all contain a spirit. Some say that we are all spirit having an earthly experience which I can agree with but first and foremost in my opinion, we are given a physical body in which to live our lives on earth so we can just as easily turn this around and say that we are earthly beings seeking spiritual insights i.e. purpose and meaning to our lives. Please continue to live with your own belief system which, by the way, coincides with mine and let others live with theirs. Agree to differ on this aspect should the subject arise.
Continue with your quest to live in the light, with love, with respect, with compassion, with kindness and ignore talk of sins and punishments and those that seek to control through fear and ignorance.
Call upon divine light and love to help with your health issues and dare I suggest that you access the frequency of the healing energies. Imagine a beam of white light if you will entering through your crown chakra and flowing through your body easing away the pain, both physical and emotional, bringing you to a place of harmony and balance. A piece of citrine, the cuddle stone, may be beneficial to you as well.
I hope this has been helpful.
With best wishes
PeggyJuly 16, 2021 at 5:27 am #382971
How are you today? No one man has the answer for everyone. It is not possible. We are all different, special and unique. Quotes are not necessarily the truth, regardless of where they came from. The most upbeat, positive person may still be lacking something. It’s OK to say that you are lacking a partner and that you would like one. The world is not going to crumble because you say you lack something. Your feelings are valid and if that is the way you feel so be it. If you want to meet someone, then you need to be mixing with people. Follow your own passions, join groups which interest you, volunteer etc. Involve yourself with life, give ‘abundant’ love and before long you will be attracting love into your life.
Here’s a quote I read today: If you had everything – where would you put it all?
PeggyJuly 9, 2021 at 3:09 am #382678
Begin building your self esteem by listing all the good qualities you possess. I’ve seen several of them in your posts. Loving, supportive, caring, empathize, intelligent, loyal and so on. Repeat them over and over to yourself until they are firmly fixed into your psyche. It’s scary going out into the workplace after such a long break but you need to face that fear. Otherwise, you may never make that leap into employment. Logically, you know how capable you are so send love to that frightened little boy and assure him that everything will be fine now. It’s awful being in limbo over what to do but any decision is better than no decision and if there is a job opportunity that you are excited about then let this be your guide. What does it offer that others don’t. Too often we want to make life rational with our thinking processes but our heart is our true brain. Sometimes, putting our hands on our hearts when faced with a dilemma and asking ourselves how we ‘feel’ about each possible solution will guide us to our best option.
I will be away over the weekend. Take care of yourself and that lovely girlfriend of yours.
PeggyJuly 8, 2021 at 5:41 am #382642
Can I just say that knowledge is never wasted and there will be a reason why you took your Ph.D. I personally would find it very challenging to be on Zoom with students and having to converse presumably without a script. I recently read some of my poetry out to a small, friendly group but, never having done such a thing before, I was very emotional and it came through in my voice. Not being one to wear my heart on my sleeve (English expression?), sharing something so personal was ground breaking for me. I received some applause for my efforts which was very comforting.
Every step you take is a step closer to your goal, even if you do have to move the goalposts sometimes. I applaud you for your bravery, you kept going even though your heart was racing, and you controlled your emotions until you could release them safely in your own space. You are doing OK.
Please don’t lose heart. An excellent job opportunity will present itself to you soon. Believe it.
PeggyJuly 8, 2021 at 5:10 am #382641
It sounds as if you have come to your own conclusions now and that you are ready to move on. It’s good that you can spend some time with your family and friends who at this stage are far more important to you than his family (sister’s birthday party). I’m sure he’ll get the message and will have guessed by Monday that you won’t tolerate his behaviour.
Great news that you can study Hebrew – the tone of your post tells me how much happier you are feeling about your life. I don’t know you but I am so pleased for you.
Good luck with everything. Have a great life.
PeggyJuly 8, 2021 at 4:44 am #382640
I am sorry to hear that your diagnosis is causing you such angst. You are going through an early menopause and are receiving medication to help with that. At the moment, that seems to be the only thing that is wrong with you. Seek advice as to whether or not your treatment in itself can contribute to a heart attack or cancer. I don’t think it can. Deal with one day at a time. Listen to your husband when he tells you that your worrying will be detrimental to you in the long term. Worrying about what will happen is futile. It is always better to look for solutions than to look for problems. Be grateful for all the things you have in your life today. Go for walks in nature and meditate on all the beauty you see around you. Breathe deeply whilst standing by a tree or walking through woodlands. Feel glad to be alive. As soon as negative thoughts of the future arise, say STOP. Turn your thoughts around and focus on a future positive event. Plan for outings that you can enjoy and accept invitations for get-togethers, hopefully with positive people. It can be very uplifting. Find reasons to celebrate. You have this one life – get out there and enjoy it. Whether you think positively or negatively, you are making a choice. It’s up to you and no-one else.
I wish you health and happiness.
PeggyJuly 6, 2021 at 3:59 am #382485
You are three weeks into this relationship and you don’t want to be pressured into having sex. Your boyfriend has managed to turn that around into a ‘pressure’ upon himself. Added to that his long standing relationship has just come to an end and he has to meet with her (presumably) for a handover of all her possessions. I’m willing to bet that he isn’t scared of hurting you but that he is scared of hurting himself. He wouldn’t say such a thing if he was in a loving relationship with you. These are early days and things moved at a fast pace with him introducing you to his family. You are talking of getting married to a man who isn’t ready for such a commitment and there is no competition among friends involved. It doesn’t matter if he is the first or the last of them to get married. You need to know that you are compatible and that you are secure as a couple.
My opinion is that you should stand back and ask yourself if he is mature enough or stable enough for a long term relationship at this moment in time. The cracks have appeared. It doesn’t sound good. He is already rethinking the commitment. Four weeks into a relationship and the problems are appearing. You haven’t known him long enough to know him as a complete person. People are inclined to show themselves at their best during the early days and then they drop the mask and less desirable traits surface.
“This much drama is so bad”. Even if you wanted sex with him now, he would want to wait? Really! Alternatively, he might be wanting to punish you for rejecting him.
If you really want to stay and make this work, you probably need some couples counselling but so early on!!!
My advice to you would be that you should seriously consider moving on to someone new, someone who can be more positive about sharing a future with you.
PeggyJuly 5, 2021 at 3:56 am #382466
I just wanted to add that it is usually easier to find employment when you are already in a job. Your interview was (is) for a new position and as such there may be some scope to ‘make it your own’. If this position doesn’t become yours, is there a possibility that you could move closer to your parents who seem to want to support you now.
As your girlfriend is in a job that she does not enjoy, perhaps you could talk to her about relocating to be close to you. It seems that the distance is putting an added pressure on the aspect of you finding full time employment.
Is it possible that you could take a class in Qi Gong which strongly focuses on breathing with movement and becomes a form of meditation. If not, certainly bring affirmations into your practice.
Again, I hope this all works out for you.