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Going through a spiritual awakening…

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  • #382960
    Moonflower
    Participant

    Hi everyone,

    Been a long while since I’ve been on the forums but loving all the interesting discussions.

    Felt compelled to write a post because I’m going through such big change at the moment and just want to hear others experiences, advice, thoughts etc.

    In a nutshell life has been a roller coaster (to be expected!) I had an operation in 2015 which completely changed my life and was traumatic. It made me lose most of my inner femininity and made me feel less of a person, like something was missing.  This has since triggered a few quite bad health issues including Crohns and Fibromyalgia. The pain of living with them every day has taken a huge toll. Back in April, I had a complete crumbling and hit my lowest, felt suicidal, wondering what was the point. I just wanted to feel at peace, contented, well again and spiritually happy too.

    This has triggered a massive spiritual awakening for me. Holy moly. I don’t know where to start. I’ve always had a ‘spiritual’ outlook, never been a follower of religion but very interested in different cultures, faiths and religions. This is a whole new level. Even though how I’m feeling ill wise, I’m trying to get better and becoming a spiritual info sponge.

    I’ve recently got back into reading spiritual books, looking at how to work on the highest light and good, bringing myself back into that feminine I’ve missed for so so long. I have always loved Crystals and been looking at various things to do with taoism, Buddhism, philosophical, new age, Christianity etc. I love oracle decks. I don’t use them for anything other than some upliftment and a guidance tool, not reliant or anything. More for fun but also just connecting to aspects if myself.

    I started going down the rabbit hole of spirituality and religion, how many from all corners and areas use fear and just how there is still so much unacceptance, finger pointing and hatred towards people if they are different from you. So sad and wish we had progressed as a whole more than we have.

    This got me reflecting on my own self and my spiritual journey. I have many fsmily/in laws/friends that are Christian and I know when I have expressed that I’m spiritual there’s been a dismay with them. It’s made me afraid to live authentically.

    I was also reading about different people who have denounced new age/other religious beliefs and turned to Christianity calling everything else a sin. If I had read this even weeks ago I would have been like pffft that’s not right to me and moved on. However its bothered me a bit and I’m feeling stuck in my mind loop. I asked myself – what do I believe God to be and is me being into crystals, interested in other religions, oracle decks, meditation etc all a sin and I’m misguided? I’ve been reflecting on this and know that this is me now reflecting based on my own fear and fear of judgement from others. I will never know what is truly out there, all I can go on is what feels like absolute truth to me.

    I honestly believe that as long as what my thoughts, spiritual journey and interests are all aligned with the highest good, love, light, growth and purest intentions, focused on kindness and compassion with a deep respecg for all that is, this earth and inhabitants, surely no God or universe would consider that a sin/bad/need for punishment?

    If anything I feel I need to be respectful to all religions especially those rooted in love abd connection. With the aspects of those religions/faiths/practices which resonate and are beautifully positive in their teachings, that I take those on board and have them in my bank of spiritual growth and ingrain them into my souls journey. Not to be confined to one thing, a label or belief. Just a collective eclectic ball of all things love.

    Sorry for the extremely long post and if you’ve even got this far, thank you so much for taking the time. I’m struggling to find like minded friends and just felt I need to write this down and hear what others have to say. 😄

    #382965
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Moonflower:

    Welcome back to the forums. I am looking forward to read and reply to you in about 12 hours from now.

    anita

    #382972
    Peggy
    Participant

    Hello Moonflower,

    How are you today?  Let me put your mind at rest.  We are all spiritual!  Regardless of which religion or culture people come from, they/we all contain a spirit.  Some say that we are all spirit having an earthly experience which I can agree with but first and foremost in my opinion, we are given a physical body in which to live our lives on earth so we can just as easily turn this around and say that we are earthly beings seeking spiritual insights i.e. purpose and meaning to our lives.  Please continue to live with your own belief system which, by the way, coincides with mine and let others live with theirs.  Agree to differ on this aspect should the subject arise.

    Continue with your quest to live in the light, with love, with respect, with compassion, with kindness and ignore talk of sins and punishments and those that seek to control through fear and ignorance.

    Call upon divine light and love to help with your health issues and dare I suggest that you access the frequency of the healing energies.  Imagine a beam of white light if you will entering through your crown chakra and flowing through your body easing away the pain, both physical and emotional, bringing you to a place of harmony and balance.  A piece of citrine, the cuddle stone, may be beneficial to you as well.

    I hope this has been helpful.

    With best wishes

    Peggy

    #382977
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Moonflower:

    I thought that maybe reviewing your previous May 2016 will help better understand your situation now. Back in 2016, more than five years ago, you shared at the end of 2015, you had a surgery to remove a tumor and the ovary that it was attached to, that you were recovering from the surgery, still weren’t able to do vigorous physical activity, but you were trying to take it in your stride, as you put it. You and your partner were loving and supportive of each other, having moved into a new home a short time before.

    You were partly “very unhappy..  frustrated.. incredibly emotional, lost and scared”  with “a deep place of fear, anxiety and self-preservation… mental chains” within you, feeling that because of the surgery, part of your womanhood was taken away (even though you would still be able to have children). You gained weight and were critical of your body, “Particularly at my stomach.. with new battle wound”. Your anxiety became “heightened to any sort of health problem”, and the most minor problem made you panic. Part of you was positive: “I feel I have too much to live for and my life, if anything, is only just starting. I need to let go and know all will be well and through yoga, meditation and self study of books”.

    Fast forward five years and 2 months, yesterday, you referred to your surgery of late 2015 as one that “completely changed my life and was traumatic”, saying that it “has since triggered a few quite bad health issues including Crohn’s and Fibromyalgia”, and that you are living with the daily pain involved in these two diseases . Back in April 2021, you had “a complete crumbling and hit my lowest, felt suicidal, wondering what was the point”.

    Since April this year, you’ve are experiencing “a massive spiritual awakening”,  “a whole new level” of spiritual interest and discovery. You are back into reading spiritual books, back into “Crystals…  Taoism, Buddhism, philosophical, new age, Christianity etc.” You expressed your spiritual interest to family members, in laws, and friends who are Christians, but their reaction has been critical and discouraging. Your reaction to their reactions:  “It’s made me afraid to live authentically… I’m feeling stuck in my mind loop”, wondering if your spiritual interests are “all a sin and I’m misguided?”

    You added: “I honestly believe that as long as what my thoughts, spiritual journey and interests are all aligned with the highest good, love, light, growth and purest intentions, focused on kindness and compassion with a deep respect for all that is, this earth and inhabitants, surely no God or universe would consider that a sin/bad/need for punishment?”-

    – My thoughts: I strongly and passionately agree that “the highest good, love… kindness and compassion with a deep respect for all that is, this earth and inhabitants” is not a sin. It is the other way around: it is  lack of love, lack of respect, lack of kindness and compassion that is a sin, or an offense/ transgression/wrong (using non-religious words).

    What is Wrong, on a massive, global scale is that we are currently facing a world that is getting hotter and hotter (global warming) and more deadly (climate change, political radicalization, coups, gun violence) because of lack of love, respect, kindness and compassion, and a lack of far-sightedness.

    And so, anyone’s criticism of you (for engaging with ideas and practices that have to do with love, respect, kindness and compassion) is a result of extreme narrow mindedness: not looking at where the real danger is.

    Reads to me that following your surgery of late 2015, your anxiety increased, particularly in regard to your physical health, and that your increased anxiety played an unfortunate role in either the development of your Chron’s Disease and Fibromyalgia symptoms, and/ or in the severity of the symptoms. Anxiety is definitely not a laughing matter- an excess of it for too long damages our bodies in one way or another.

    How severe, prolonged anxiety damages our bodies, and what parts it damages- depends on our individual genetic predispositions, our habits, “the help” we get from bacteria, viruses and parasites that invade our bodies, and so forth.

    Please do all that you can to minimize your anxiety/ stress level. Continue your current spiritual quest and do not make it contingent on the approval of people.. who disapprove of it.

    anita

     

    #383044
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear Moonflower,

    I honestly believe that as long as what my thoughts, spiritual journey and interests are all aligned with the highest good, love, light, growth and purest intentions, focused on kindness and compassion with a deep respecg for all that is, this earth and inhabitants, surely no God or universe would consider that a sin/bad/need for punishment?

    I too deeply believe that God is love, and that you’re not misguided in your spiritual quest for highest love. Also, I believe that you aren’t bad or sinful, or should fear punishment, for having a broader view of spirituality than your own religion does.

    This got me reflecting on my own self and my spiritual journey. I have many fsmily/in laws/friends that are Christian and I know when I have expressed that I’m spiritual there’s been a dismay with them. It’s made me afraid to live authentically.

    is me being into crystals, interested in other religions, oracle decks, meditation etc all a sin and I’m misguided? I’ve been reflecting on this and know that this is me now reflecting based on my own fear and fear of judgement from others.

    It seems to me that you’re afraid of being judged by your family, your in-laws and friends, and that this is what keeps you from being yourself and living authentically. How about your partner – do you feel supported by him in your spiritual quest and free to express your beliefs in front of him?

     

    #383121
    Moonflower
    Participant

    Hi everyone,

    Thanks so much for your replies and sorry I haven’t answered sooner! It’s currently 32 degrees here in the UK and am melting away. Phew!

    Hi Peggy,

    Thank you for your reply! I am ok thank you! How are you today? I believe that too, I feel like we all have a spiritual core in us trying to find purpose and meaning. I think I am just having to accept more that even if my nearest and dearest don’t fully accept or understand me or my spiritual growth, its okay. As long as I try and live my life in the highest light and love then all will be well ❤

    Thank you about the health issues. It’s been very hard going and broke me this year. Have to crumble I think so I can build back up again. I will do the divine light exercise and get access to more healing services. I have started doing this so just need to keep it up now. I also need to heal the past traumas for that flourishing to take place.

    Citrine is such a gorgeous crystal, I bought a big cluster the other day!

    Best wishes,

    Jess

    ___________

    Hi Anita,

    Thank you so much and for your reply on my previous post too. Hope you are well!

    It’s funny really looking back at what I wrote all that time ago. I can see that what all I’ve gone through is brought me to this moment in time, its meant to be I’ve gone through hardship because it’s brought on this massive change in me. Some things I still need to work on / haven’t changed (critical of appearance, still feeling the wounds and trauma of those past events). I’m in a job which doesn’t resonate or fulfil me any more which I struggle with a lot mentally and physically so feel I need to let that go to.

    Anxiety has 100% been a huge cause for concern and definitely one of the biggest factors that’s lead up to this crumbling and hasn’t been healthy for my body at all.

    I am so glad you agree. It just doesn’t feel right to me when I have people saying ‘if you don’t believe in what I believe in, you’re wrong and it’s a sin’. It is for me 100% the lack of love, respect and kindness in the world which is the problem. I agree completely. The climate crisis is a big worry and I think its a crime humanity is not doing more to love and health Gaia more than they are. 💔

    I have been for a while been looking at using products which are more ecological, against animal testing, vegan, recyclable, biodegradable and not harmful to the earth and made good progress but definitely could do lots more. I’ve had to stop watching and reading the news ad much as I used to because it makes me despair and makes me lose faith in people.

    And so, anyone’s criticism of you (for engaging with ideas and practices that have to do with love, respect, kindness and compassion) is a result of extreme narrow mindedness: not looking at where the real danger is.

    Thank you so much.

    Please do all that you can to minimize your anxiety/ stress level. Continue your current spiritual quest and do not make it contingent on the approval of people.. who disapprove of it.

    I will follow this advice! Thank you! I’m glad I’m back here as its been great to connect with like minded people who are on this journey too.

    Best wishes

    Jess

    _____________

    Hi TeaK

    Thank you for the reply and how are you?

    I too deeply believe that God is love, and that you’re not misguided in your spiritual quest for highest love. Also, I believe that you aren’t bad or sinful, or should fear punishment, for having a broader view of spirituality than your own religion does.

    Thank you for this. It’s lovely and comforting to hear you and Anita and Peggy agree. Even though there’s no need for validation from anyone ultimately, it’s still be lovely to speak to people on the same wavelength. God for me is so much more than just creator of the universe, it is the highest love that’s not judgemental, wants the best for all creation and a beautiful balance of all.

    It seems to me that you’re afraid of being judged by your family, your in-laws and friends, and that this is what keeps you from being yourself and living authentically. How about your partner – do you feel supported by him in your spiritual quest and free to express your beliefs in front of him?

    Oh 100%. I am trying to be more independent from others opinions and not let it affect me as much as I do. For it not to rule how I am around people but the hard truth is, is that it still does. I really hate it when people say things that I’m sensitive about or make.judgemental remarks as I try to avoid confrontation at all costs if I can… but think I just need to respectfully own my boundaries and speak my truth without fear. I want to live authentically, carefree and live life so full and peaceful.

    My partner is agnostic so he doesn’t know what he believes in, but he was raised with Evangelical / Baptist / Roman Catholic family. His family have accepted me I think but would prefer if I was Christian even though I’ve respectfully said that religion is not for me. I go with what feels the highest love for me and accept that into my spiritual beliefs.

    My partner’s the ‘odd one out’ so to speak. It’s funny as he gives doesn’t care at all what people think and let’s go of many things really easily. He doesn’t really fully understand or get the spirituality stuff but he is supportive of me believing in what I want to believe and says I’m one of the kindest people he knows which is enough for me. He’s accepting and that’s all I need. We’re actually off to Glastonbury next month which I’m super looking forward to and he knows I’m being called to go there so he’s a good one overall. 👍

    Best wishes

    Jess

    #383127
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear Moonflower,

    you’re welcome. I am fine, thank you, just returned from holidays 🙂

    It’s good to hear your partner is supportive, thinks highly of you and isn’t affected by other people’s opinions too much, even the opinion of his own family. That’s refreshing and a good base for a healthy relationship!

    I am trying to be more independent from others opinions and not let it affect me as much as I do. For it not to rule how I am around people but the hard truth is, is that it still does. I really hate it when people say things that I’m sensitive about or make.judgemental remarks as I try to avoid confrontation at all costs if I can…

    Unlike your partner, you do care about what other people will say, i.e. are sensitive to their criticism and judgment. You also say you’re critical of yourself, specially your looks after the surgery.

    This probably means you have a rather strong inner critic, which is accusing you of not being good enough, pretty enough etc. After the surgery, you say you felt “less of a person, like something was missing”. I think it was the same inner critic who was telling you that after the surgery, there’s something deeply wrong with you, so much so that you felt less of a person.

    Would you say this is true? If so, I believe it’s your inner critic that is really stopping you from living your life authentically, carefree and at peace with yourself…

     

    #383129
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Moonflower/ Jess:

    You are very welcome, good to read back from you. The temperature where you live, in the UK is 32 degrees. The highest expected temperature where I live, U.S., north- is only 24 degrees, but earlier this month, during an unprecedented heat wave (and without air conditioning), the temperatures were in the 40s for a few days. Global warming scares me. Thank you for doing what you can to help. Not listening to the news is probably a good idea (I avoided the news 100% for the first three of Trump’s presidency, and would have continued to avoid it if it wasn’t for the pandemic).

    Anxiety has 100% been a huge cause for concern and definitely one of the biggest factors that’s lead up to this crumbling and hasn’t been healthy for my body at all“- to lower my anxiety I keep repeating part of the Serenity Prayer: “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”. I can’t change world events and catastrophes (I am not in a position of power), nor can I change a lot of things about my personal life, but I can remain sane today. Remaining sane (not being overpowered by anxiety) is up to me, so I focus on that which is in my power. When my anxiety goes up- I think: I can lower it, and then I do just that.

    I try to avoid confrontation at all costs if I can“- that’s a recipe for ongoing anxiety.

    I want to live authentically, carefree and live life so full and peaceful“- then confront people when that’s what is needed. There will be anxiety preceding the confrontation, then some during and after, but overall, if you practice effective confrontation and get good at it, your ongoing anxiety will lessen significantly.

    anita

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