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Should I end it?

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  • #382569
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Sofioula:

    I am sorry you had such a disappointing experience. It is a common practice for men to “love bombing (a woman, so) to have sex early on”-  you have to be careful and watch for this practice at its early stages.

    I understand your anger at him. The love-bombing practice is dishonestly manipulative and it hurts women all over the world: it hurts when the men are successful, but it also hurts when they are not successful, because love bombing causes women to hope and dream. And then, get terribly disappointed.

    I think that not having any contact with him whatsoever (and learning from this experience) is your best revenge, don’t you think?

    anita

    #382635
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Dear Anita,

    I understand what you are saying. I should end it and I think I’m about to do it today.

    The truth is I don’t know how though. I think, since he’s been so cold and didn’t even care enough to call me when I was sick the other day, I should just text him. I don’t think his attitude deserves a phone call, let alone a face to face explanation.

    What would you say to such a man? I admit, I wanna hurt his ego. Maybe that will do him good and he won’t hurt other women. Though I highly doubt it.

    #382637
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Dear Anita,

    I broke up with him about 2 hours ago. I took the courage to do so after he said we won’t meet today since a relative passed away.

    I know it’s not a good move to do so when one is grieving, but he is not actually grieving and quite frankly, I couldn’t bear myself to keep going on, exchanging meaningless texts and breaking my nerves little by little. I chose peace. I chose myself and the life I want and the love I deserve to find.

    The whole thing was very amicable and friendly. He finally admitted that he was in fact distant and cold, that he is 100% to blame for this situation and that although he knew the pain that I was in, didn’t want to let me go. He said that he completely understands and fully supports me in my decision to leave, and that all he said to me were not empty promises, he truly meant them but he just couldn’t let go of being so closed up.

    I told him that he needs time to process the emotional trauma from his previous break up and that he is not ready to enter a proper relationship, to which he finally agreed… Finally.

    We promised to be here for one another on a friendly basis but I told him to take the summer and fully recover. If he feels 100% ready and I can see the change in him, we could in the future start on a different basis. He said he really wants that as well.

    This, for me, is a clean break up. I told him that, should we find other people to date, that’s okay and completely normal. He said he won’t because he is not in a good place to do so and because there is no one like me. This last part (although true hehe 😉 ) I do not take it seriously.

    I feel extremely peaceful and grateful to have had the courage to seperate and reclaim my life. It is a good life, a busy one, full of potential. I can wait for the bus, I can wait in line in the bank, I can wait for the bananas to ripen. But I cannot wait to be treated right. I demand it. If one can’t treat me right , then one should leave.

    What are your thoughts? I feel proud of myself…

    #382641
    Peggy
    Participant

    Hello Sofioula,

    It sounds as if you have come to your own conclusions now and that you are ready to move on.  It’s good that you can spend some time with your family and friends who at this stage are far more important to you than his family (sister’s birthday party).  I’m sure he’ll get the message and will have guessed by Monday that you won’t tolerate his behaviour.

    Great news that you can study Hebrew – the tone of your post tells me how much happier you are feeling about your life.  I don’t know you but I am so pleased for you.

    Good luck with everything.  Have a great life.

    Peggy

     

    #382647
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Sofioula:

    “What are your thoughts?”, you asked me. My thoughts are:

    (1) It is difficult for me to believe that you made the extreme shift from being angry at him, wanting revenge, not knowing what to say and how to break up with him (“I should end it and I think I’m about to do it today. The truth is I don’t know how”),  post submitted at 7:40 am, your time, Thursday, July 8, to—-> having the most perfectly calm, rational, thorough, empathetic and long conversation with him an hour later (“I broke up with him about 2 hours ago”, post submitted at 10:58 am, July 8).

    Let’s look at the breakup conversation you had with him on a Thursday morning, a work day, before 9 am, while you were preparing for your work day, or while beginning your work day in the law office (?):

    “he said we won’t meet today since a relative passed away”- sometime during the night before, an unexpected death (?)

    “The whole thing was very amicable and friendly”- he was not too busy with his living relatives in regard to the relative who unexpectedly died during the night (or while he preparing for a work day), able to have the time and focus to have an amicable and friendly, long conversation with you (?)

    “He finally admitted that he was in fact distant and cold, that he is 100% to blame for this situation… He said that he completely understands and fully supports me in my decision to leave, and that all he said to me were not empty promises, he truly meant them… I told him that he needs time to process the emotional trauma from his previous break up and that he is not ready to enter a proper relationship, to which he finally agreed… Finally. We promised to be here for one another on a friendly basis but I told him to take the summer and fully recover. If he feels 100% ready and I can see the change in him, we could in the future start on a different basis. He said he really wants that as well… I told him that, should we find other people to date, that’s okay and completely normal. He said he won’t because he is not in a good place..”-

    – this breakup conversation reads scripted/ made up. It is too long, too thorough, too calm and too..  perfect to be believable, especially being that it supposedly took place (1) only an hour after you were angry and not knowing what to say to him, (2) before or in the beginning of your work day, (3) before or in the beginning of his work day, or while he is at home dealing with the aftermath of a relative having died during the night.

    More of my thoughts: there were things that you shared before in previous threads, that were quite unbelievable as well. One example: you shared that you were at your ex-boyfriend’s home, sick and feverish. He had a working car, a luxury car, and yet, he did not offer to drive you home while you were feverish. You did not call anyone in your family to pick you up from his place. Instead, you took a few buses and walked a long, long way home while feverish. When you got home, you called him to thank him. Interestingly, you shared today about this most recent boyfriend : “he’s been so cold and didn’t even care enough to call me when I was sick the other day”- a theme perhaps, of boyfriends not caring about you when you are sick (?)

    Is the story above possibly true? Yes, sometimes truth is indeed stranger than fiction. But talking your stories altogether, I am incredulous at this point.

    “This, for me, is a clean break up…  I feel extremely peaceful and grateful to have had the courage to separate and reclaim my life. It is a good life, a busy one, full of potential. I can wait for the bus, I can wait in line in the bank, I can wait for the bananas to ripen. But I cannot wait to be treated right. I demand it. If one can’t treat me right , then one should leave. What are your thoughts? I feel proud of myself”- I think that you appear in this paragraph to be positive, confident, excited about life, and poetic, and I agree with you: you shouldn’t wait to be treated right.

    What is really happening, Sofioula?

    anita

    #382650
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Dear Anita,

    I’m really sad that you do not believe I am telling the truth. It is true, I have scripted the breakup talk in my head, I was preparing it for days to tell him. And anyone who has been through breakups and complicated relationships can understand that emotions are a rollercoaster. That doesn’t mean I’m lying.
    <p style=”text-align: left;”>What is the point of posting lies on a forum? I am sorry but I’m deeply  hurt by what you said. I know my love life is a mess, but… Anyway, I should never post here again.  Thank you for all your help.</p>
     

    #382652
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Sofioula:

    About an hour before you broke up with him, you posted: “I should end it and I think I’m about to do it today. The truth is I don’t know how though… What would you say to such a man?”

    In my reply to you, I wrote: “this breakup conversation reads scripted/ made up. It is too long, too thorough, too calm and too..  perfect to be believable, especially being that it supposedly took place (1) only an hour after you were angry and not knowing what to say to him”.

    In your reply to me, you wrote: “I have scripted the breakup talk in my head, I was preparing it for days to tell him”- if you prepared the breakup conversation for days, why did you write an hour before the conversation that you didn’t know how to break up with him (“I don’t know how”), and didn’t know what to say to him..

    I am sorry that you feel hurt. My intent was to open a new kind of communication with you, one that is perhaps more honest, not to cause you to hurt. I didn’t consider before that you may be making some stuff up  because of your friendly, direct, spontaneous style of writing. Now that I am leaning toward the belief that you have been untruthful, there is no basis for communication between you and I. But there are other members who may disagree with me, and who will be glad to communicate with you. You are welcome to post again on this thread, or, maybe better, start a new thread/s where you will be interacting with other members without my interruption. You are welcome and I wish you well.

    anita

     

    #382653
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>I was asking you how to end this because I wanted a second opinion, because I didn’t want to hurt myself or him in the process. I made nothing up. This is a very low comment you made there. I thought this was supposed to be a forum where you could speak your mind without judgement and I now feel borderline bullied.</p>

    #382654
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    And for the record, I was just posting things as they came into my head. You told me to vent here all I want. So I did. You also told me before that you know first hand what OCD is like…

    #382655
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Sofioula:

    Ten hours ago, you asked me for my thoughts (“What are your thoughts?”). Next, I offered you my honest thoughts in a respectful way (not in a “borderline bullied” way). I have offered you my honest thoughts respectfully ever since we first communicated in January 16, 2019.

    This is my last post to you, and again- I wish you well.

    anita

Viewing 10 posts - 16 through 25 (of 25 total)

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