Forum Replies Created
October 11, 2019 at 4:18 pm #317381
Ugh.. random thought, but im also having some challenges listening to my higher self which is telling me to stay off of certain sites plus social media. Sometimes because i dont understand I won’t listen rather than trust…
I’ve been really good with social media, but logged on today and checked my TF page and found that their post that they posted literally were as if I had a conversation with them.. I don’t know how they do it, but things that I don’t communicate to ANYONE but I have these deep thoughts or ideas, concepts in my head & they seem to have the same ones at the same time..
Which I can understand why its important for me to kind of chill.. I guess we are really connected without really trying. so I will chill from now on. Maybe we communicate in our sleep or something. who knows..October 11, 2019 at 6:36 am #317309
excuse all my typos etcOctober 11, 2019 at 6:35 am #317307
Word. I think we are all still working through some avoidance tendencies. I struggle myself with knowing what I need & then knowing what I want & those not always matching up but trying to align those things with my values. I’ve been leaning more in my needs even though I feel like I don’t “want it” sometimes but I do it because I know I need it. Like spoon feeding a baby vegetables.
My TF has said something very similar about music . Though they are a woman, they have challenges with expressing emotions & intimacy as well. Not sure how or why that happened.. I’m thinking they’re a bit in denial about some childhood violence , or they had too much structure & not enough nurture or something. I actually… though I love them, no longer care to figure it out. But I thought it was interesting that my TF struggles with expressing those things when generally those are things women usually where on their sleeves . I’m a gender and sexuality advocate so when I first learned about TF and one having to be the masculine & the other the feminine I initially didn’t like that. Many took that as only men and women. Later I learned it can be same gender.. it was confusing at first still . I’m a woman but I’m masculine presenting , I’m also masculine energetically in the outside world and work field – hard worker, go getter , goal setter/ leader . Internally I’m very feminine though , and in the home behind closed doors I’m still assertive but I’m actually very feminine and nurturing. I’ll cook & take care of those I love. Up until I met my TF , I was all the way in my masculine, both outside and inside because I didn’t find partners who understood or complimented my energy very well. I had to be masculine through and through . (Which is why I ran first.. lol) Then I met my TF who was feminine on the surface but pretty masculine internally . But also very balanced. Like we both could step up or step back naturally as needed. After meeting them I embraced my feminine side. And realized my TF was pretty masculine. Which is natural to them but I also know a large part of their problem is rejecting their Divine feminine. They have to embrace their feminine in order to open up spiritual /emotional/mental/physical blocks. I don’t know why they have blocks but a while ago my intuition told me they may have mother issues. Like their mom neglected to protect them or be there consistently or when they really needed or something. I personally tend to refrain from dating women with mom issues as I know ppl tend to gravitate me because of my nurturing nature . But when they haven’t resolved their mom issues I become a emotional & spiritual punching bag to them..October 7, 2019 at 8:39 pm #316649
That wasn’t supposed to be a question mark..October 7, 2019 at 8:38 pm #316647
I have a bad habit on here lately of hitting reply before I finish a thought.. maybe because I’m typing on my phone & the screen is harder to view ?.
My Tf also loves music & nature , struggles with the same things… sometimes when you describe yours I’m like , are we talking about the same person ? Lol but my TF is a woman so.. maybe I met the female version of yours… that’s so crazy. This stuff constantly makes me need to ground myself lol..October 7, 2019 at 8:27 pm #316645
I work in the psychology field. In college my focus was health justice & disability rights/law. Realized mental health hit home for me so took that route instead. And that’s really cool, the type of work you do is admirable. I know the immigrants rights one comes with its own set of challenges & sometimes heart breaks but it’s meaningful & rewarding work. A lot of my background has to do with working with formerly incarcerated youth, a handful were immigrant youth/ & in the dreamers program – during the raids a few of my students went home to no parents. That was tough…
Totally, I was thinking about something similar earlier today. With my dating etc, how & what I’m communicating. I’m definitely more clear with my intentions & boundaries- it’s a relief. I’m also meeting a lot more securely attached people and that’s a blessing in itself.October 7, 2019 at 11:32 am #316559
One of the best things I’ve learned.
We all have habits we need to outgrow. Changes good or bad feel weird because it’s different.
Know that healthier habits at first will feel foreign , uncomfortable, weird, difficult to maintain at first. But when you do anything for long enough you develop momentum. It gets easier.
So, be really honest with yourself about what you want in a relationship longterm. Who you can see yourself build with, even create a family with. Someone you can trust to take care of you when your ill, someone you can trust you can build with, trust to co raise your kids properly.. etc . What are all of your needs? Does this partner match that? If not—- this is the growth part!
Why am I with someone who doesn’t meet my needs, or what needs are they meeting that aren’t healthy for me? Sometimes too much comfort seeking isn’t a good thing. Comfortable dysfunction is comfortable because it’s familiar…
Not to go on a tangent. But just… choose you. If he doesn’t meet your needs, and you’ve tried, and he’s engaging in risky dangerous behavior- free yourself of the responsibility to take care of him. Not your job. Move forward don’t look back. If they catch up they catch up , but no need to turn your head and get exposed to all the tragic burning ships crashing behind.. ships they wrecked themselves.
Distract yourself with other people . Date others. We can get sad because these “new” people aren’t them. But what helps me is to lower the bar. “Im dating just to date. To learn if I still got it or whatever. I’m not expecting to find the love of my life, but I’m not closed off to it either.”
Much luckOctober 7, 2019 at 10:52 am #316537
Also that’s not too much to ask for. It’s wild that I’m asking for almost exact same thing. Basically another me but someone who balances those masculine & feminine qualities in me etc.
Its def possible to meet others like that. Once I tapped into self love I started meeting people who do.
keep your head up ❤️October 7, 2019 at 10:29 am #316529
And yea, it’s hard to eat /focus/sleep when emotionally immature /inconsistent/ disrespectful people come into our lives expecting love without directly asking for it & not being accountable … lolOctober 7, 2019 at 10:26 am #316521
Ha! I still have my LSAT prep materials in my closet . Right when I was about to apply to Law school , the elections happened.. lol so I was like let me take a break. But my close chosen family & mentors are lawyers. Maybe that’s why I understand your communication style so well.
Everything you said- yep EXACTLY. I was attracted to my TF for same reasons. I realized same about myself & not fully utilizing my gifts etc. I actually read an article once about how Attachment styles play out in the career world. Really interesting…
I’m glad you were able to come to those conclusions.October 7, 2019 at 3:26 am #316437
depending on our choices** not options.. geez lol
Sorry lol ..La lucha es realisticoOctober 7, 2019 at 3:24 am #316435
Sorry I am responding to your post pretty late & keep reading parts & remembering I left out part of my reply.
Things piqued in communication around my birthday with my TF. Except I was incredibly angry because I blamed them for ruining my birthday. I know that’s harsh. We talked & they didnt even say Happy Bday, never did. Even when I reminded them. And I was upset that day because we were supposed to meet in person & I was excited & they canceled last minute & lied about why they canceled. We somehow managed to communicate there was feelings & attraction & it was intense. But it didn’t need to be so hectic. I get I can be emotional. But they general have been doing things that would drive anyone crazy & the more I relieve myself of the blame for their bad behavior, the better I feel physically & spiritually… which just means like .. yea, I may have work to do, but I’m a descent person deserving of good love. And they lost out on that, whether conscious choice or becoming slave to their bad habits/addictions whatever. It be nice if they were to make some heroic turnaround to do better for the person they loved or something.. but life isnt a fairytale. its more like a school with infinite possibilities depending on our options.October 7, 2019 at 3:14 am #316433
needing to make*
Also was thinking a lot about how you said your TF said “they’ve never been in love before.” Yep mine too. I thought it was bizarre, especially since they were in a relationship for over 8 years.. A lot of the things that’s come up has let me know they’ve got a lot of work to do. I do too, but I’m always honest about that. I’ve helped them a lot, but my spirit is telling me “LET THEM DO THEIR OWN WORK…” And they’ve got a lot of work to do.
In the perfect world they’d just do it, let go of what needs to be let go, do right, forgive, move on from their past, open up etc… Things that I find very easy.. yet, I can’t quite seem to stay discipline in my own diet or meditation schedule…lol I’m way better now that I’ve cut out social media. But that’s just to say, we are all working on things. I can’t judge them until I get my own stuff together yes, but they still have been pretty lousy towards me – TF or not. And they don’t get passes for that. the best apology is changed behavior & whether they do so or not, I really don’t worry about it because I know my life is constantly creating more opportunities for my happiness & abundance.
Yea, I feel you on the dating thing. I am also dating others, friends/dating etc. My intention was really to make friends. But I decided to date too. Found myself laying in someones arms under the stars, i felt conflicted. it was everything I wanted, but not with the person I wanted. And I felt so mentally messed up because the person i wanted it with (my TF), has not been able to show me they deserve access to me like that.
I still love them deeply. If they got it together while I was single & wanted to work it out, i’d consider it. But I am also okay with dating others, & im pretty optimistic now that whoever comes into my life whether its them or someone else, will be who I am supposed to be with & a good thing for me.
I too got all the signs, and the signs do get louder when you ignore & avoid it. But once you accept it, you’re not stuck, you just move forward and past it. It’s just a reminder to not turn back into old unhealthy patterns. And Im okay with that as initially i was on the wrong track.October 7, 2019 at 2:50 am #316429
was wondering how you were doing. I’ve had to come to some hard realizations myself. The TF label really just holds us accountable to doing the spiritual work. But sometimes i think people use it as a reason to give passes for peoples bad behavior. Every relationship needs respect, intimacy, consistency, boundaries & healthy communication. Without that its quite unhealthy. I think the fact that these people are our TF it gives us extra insight, empathy, understanding & the ability to love and forgive. And there’s alot that can come from those insights & perspectives that we can use for our own healing & to help others.
Our minds play alot of tricks on us though. Our minds are wired to try & rationalize, shortcut, and make sense of things. So even in unhealthy situations our minds will find a way to rationalize it for comfort. That’s to say, one of my hardest challenges has been to separate everything the spiritual, mental, emotional & physical- make sense of those things so I could figure out what I needed fully in order to piece it back together the right way.
I find myself angry at my TF, angry at myself for losing some self respect in the process of chasing them & trying to hold on to them while they were unhealthy because its left me beat up in some ways. I find myself trying to take distance but worrying about my TF, wanting to check on them. I find my physical body literally rejecting them, in physical pain when connected because of built up worry, feeling loss of control, feeling unable to move forward, being a control freak.. and i just found all my parts at war until I had to just say “You know what f*ck it..”
The craziest part is, that’s what we are supposed to do in the end, give in to OURSELVES, Our needs, develop more self love, self respect, confidence.
You’re not the only one experiencing what you’re experiencing, tons of people on the journey or who were on the journey have. It all just forces us to do what we need for ourselves & we’ve been needing to making healthier decisions & not listening, so it took this to really bring some awakening in that sense.
You can message me if you’d like. Maybe we can support eachother in the self development process. I’ll give an email im not too worried about sharing :September 28, 2019 at 1:57 pm #314899
I hear you.
Boundaries are the things that prevent this from happening. I hope at some point some will be developed. Hope you feel better soon.