October 7, 2019 at 12:01 pm #316563LenaParticipant
Haha ooh the LSATs, fun times. And yea being a lawyer right now is rough…I do corporate law, but really want to immigrants’ rights full-time (which I’m doing now pro bono). Before I became a lawyer I wanted to be a therapist, until I realized that doing public interest law is essentially like being a therapist and lawyer in one, lol.
And it’s funny that you mentioned communication style. One insight I’ve gained through this whole TF experience is how much I think I’m being clear with the people I’m dating, when in fact I’m sending mixed signals. It’s like there’s this whole inner battle raging inside of me between being the “cool girl” who just lets things unfold versus being being someone who is clear and assertive and intentional about what I want–and I guess that conflict comes out in the way I communicate. I actually just had a romantic experience recently where I felt that inner battle, and ended things after a couple of months because I knew the guy wasn’t for me (despite our super strong chemistry). It’s kind of crazy how much he reminded me of my TF…he had a hard, masculine shell but loves music/nature and has really deep emotions, he has addiction issues, struggles with depression, etc. It’s like the universe sent me someone that was my mini-TF, except this time I dealt with it in a much more mature way–and didn’t get back in touch with him after I ended things, the way my old self would have.
That’s the main takeaway I get from this whole TF thing…that in the end I think I’ve come away a stronger, more enlightened person (or at least someone who is attempting to be more enlightened ha). It’s like my TF experience, painful as it was, has given me the tools I need to be a better dater, friend, relative etc. And maybe I needed that wayyy more than I needed a soulmate.
And yea, you’re right, asking for that feminine/masculine mix is not too hard to ask for. Sometimes I’m just worried that I have really high expectations about things, so I downplay my desires lol. But yea… I’m hoping that now that it’s way more clear to me what I want in a partner (that whole feminine/masculine thing, for starters), it’ll be easier for me to find them. Or to spot them when they suddenly show up in my life.
Thanks again for sharing your thoughts/experience, Grenada! 🙂October 7, 2019 at 8:27 pm #316645
I work in the psychology field. In college my focus was health justice & disability rights/law. Realized mental health hit home for me so took that route instead. And that’s really cool, the type of work you do is admirable. I know the immigrants rights one comes with its own set of challenges & sometimes heart breaks but it’s meaningful & rewarding work. A lot of my background has to do with working with formerly incarcerated youth, a handful were immigrant youth/ & in the dreamers program – during the raids a few of my students went home to no parents. That was tough…
Totally, I was thinking about something similar earlier today. With my dating etc, how & what I’m communicating. I’m definitely more clear with my intentions & boundaries- it’s a relief. I’m also meeting a lot more securely attached people and that’s a blessing in itself.October 7, 2019 at 8:38 pm #316647
I have a bad habit on here lately of hitting reply before I finish a thought.. maybe because I’m typing on my phone & the screen is harder to view ?.
My Tf also loves music & nature , struggles with the same things… sometimes when you describe yours I’m like , are we talking about the same person ? Lol but my TF is a woman so.. maybe I met the female version of yours… that’s so crazy. This stuff constantly makes me need to ground myself lol..October 7, 2019 at 8:39 pm #316649
That wasn’t supposed to be a question mark..October 8, 2019 at 7:44 am #316699LenaParticipant
Grenada that’s so awesome! The work you do sounds super impactful. I get what you mean about mental health hitting home…I felt that way in college too and ended up majoring in psychology, even though I didn’t end up pursuing it as a career. I can’t imagine the types of things you encounter every day. Just the thought of kids who went home to no parents is heartbreaking–it’s really frightening how bad things are right now for a lot of people.
And lol that’s so funny/strange that our TF’s are practically twinsies. I had watched some of the videos you recommended (the twin flame revolution ones on youtube) and it was funny how much the “runner” twin flame reminded me of my TF (i forgot her name, but she’s super cool). Just her general attitude and the conviction in her voice, her powerful way of speaking…it reminds me of my TF and why I was was so drawn to him. It seems like she went through a period of intense addiction too, just like my TF. I almost wonder if an addictive personality/habits is a commonality in a lot of TF runners (and chasers for that matter).
And yea the music thing is kinda crazy. Like, I really love music and it’s always been a big part of my life. Since the very night I met my TF he expressed how important music was to him (within like 10 minutes of meeting him he took me to his room in the middle of a party to listen to his favorite Frank Ocean tracks…dorky I know lol). It’s like music has connected us from the start. And I remember something he said that struck me a lot, about how, for him, music is an outlet allows him to express and feel emotions that he normally would feel uncomfortable with, or that society looks down upon. It’s like he feels this pressure to present this positive, cool guy view to the world, when deep down he has a lot of heavy emotions brewing. It makes me sad for him that gender stereotypes contribute him to him feeling that way—to him not being able to connect with his emotions outside of music, or to not feel comfortable expressing them with others. I see a lot of myself in him, because I used to feel the same way, until I realized that building solid female friendships and leaning on them for a support was a way for me to release and express old toxic emotions and memories.October 11, 2019 at 6:35 am #317307
Word. I think we are all still working through some avoidance tendencies. I struggle myself with knowing what I need & then knowing what I want & those not always matching up but trying to align those things with my values. I’ve been leaning more in my needs even though I feel like I don’t “want it” sometimes but I do it because I know I need it. Like spoon feeding a baby vegetables.
My TF has said something very similar about music . Though they are a woman, they have challenges with expressing emotions & intimacy as well. Not sure how or why that happened.. I’m thinking they’re a bit in denial about some childhood violence , or they had too much structure & not enough nurture or something. I actually… though I love them, no longer care to figure it out. But I thought it was interesting that my TF struggles with expressing those things when generally those are things women usually where on their sleeves . I’m a gender and sexuality advocate so when I first learned about TF and one having to be the masculine & the other the feminine I initially didn’t like that. Many took that as only men and women. Later I learned it can be same gender.. it was confusing at first still . I’m a woman but I’m masculine presenting , I’m also masculine energetically in the outside world and work field – hard worker, go getter , goal setter/ leader . Internally I’m very feminine though , and in the home behind closed doors I’m still assertive but I’m actually very feminine and nurturing. I’ll cook & take care of those I love. Up until I met my TF , I was all the way in my masculine, both outside and inside because I didn’t find partners who understood or complimented my energy very well. I had to be masculine through and through . (Which is why I ran first.. lol) Then I met my TF who was feminine on the surface but pretty masculine internally . But also very balanced. Like we both could step up or step back naturally as needed. After meeting them I embraced my feminine side. And realized my TF was pretty masculine. Which is natural to them but I also know a large part of their problem is rejecting their Divine feminine. They have to embrace their feminine in order to open up spiritual /emotional/mental/physical blocks. I don’t know why they have blocks but a while ago my intuition told me they may have mother issues. Like their mom neglected to protect them or be there consistently or when they really needed or something. I personally tend to refrain from dating women with mom issues as I know ppl tend to gravitate me because of my nurturing nature . But when they haven’t resolved their mom issues I become a emotional & spiritual punching bag to them..October 11, 2019 at 6:36 am #317309
excuse all my typos etcOctober 11, 2019 at 4:18 pm #317381
Ugh.. random thought, but im also having some challenges listening to my higher self which is telling me to stay off of certain sites plus social media. Sometimes because i dont understand I won’t listen rather than trust…
I’ve been really good with social media, but logged on today and checked my TF page and found that their post that they posted literally were as if I had a conversation with them.. I don’t know how they do it, but things that I don’t communicate to ANYONE but I have these deep thoughts or ideas, concepts in my head & they seem to have the same ones at the same time..
Which I can understand why its important for me to kind of chill.. I guess we are really connected without really trying. so I will chill from now on. Maybe we communicate in our sleep or something. who knows..