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Still think about someone I barely know

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This topic contains 37 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  Grenada 1 week, 5 days ago.

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  • #314463

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lena:

    You are welcome. Our teenage/ adult infatuations or attractions to others have a lot to do with our early childhood experiences. Almost everything does. I will use quotes from your share to suggest what I think happened with S:

    “I felt connected to him in a way that’s really difficult to put into  words”- when we are young children we feel intensely. Our emotions are raw and pure because we don’t yet add thoughts and words to the emotional experience. There are no cognitive interruptions that dilute and weaken the emotional  experience. What you experienced with him, aided by alcohol, was that pre-cognition, early life quality of emotion.

    “like we were showing each other the self that you normally keep  tucked away until you know someone well (and perhaps not even then)”- a young child does show her real self to others automatically, from birth . The child is not at all self conscious, not yet inhibited by later life experiences, such as rejection. What you experienced with S, at times, was that uninhibited, unhidden self, like a young child.

    “He revealed deep-seated insecurities to me and I found myself sharing the same insecurities”- reads like he too had that young child experience with  you, aided by alcohol. (You found out that the two of you share the same insecurities because most of us people do share the same insecurities).

    “I experienced this strange, heady mix of feeling like I could completely be myself around him”- I think we miss this experience of long ago, before disapproval, before rejection, before rules of conduct, when we were indeed ourselves.

    “There was a dreamlike quality to our time together”- a re-experience of early childhood experience. It was indeed a dream. And you got  a glimpse of it. Intoxicating, isn’t it?

    “the more I try to  let go and move on, the more I cling onto him. I really don’t know why”- I think the reason is that dream, that intoxicating magic of how it felt to be  a young child before life hit us on the face and spoiled that magic. You felt a bit of that dreamy experience and you want more of  it.

    “I don’t know what it is  about S that makes me still think about him so often”- why S, may be the question, what about him brought the dream and magic to life?-

    – alcohol helped. But other than alcohol: can be his smile, the look in his eyes, his mannerism, something about him remined you of someone in your life as a young child. Something you forgot, it being so long ago. But part of you remembered when you saw his smile, or his eyes, or the way he wiggled his nose.

    If he experienced something similar with you, and I think he did, he awakened from that experience. You are still attached to the dream, is what I think.

    anita

    #314495

    Grenada
    Participant

    Hi Faber & Lena,

    before I get to your questions . I’d like to say im a professional in the psychology field & overall a huge psychology nerd. So with any relationship it’s important to look at the full picture before jumping to any conclusions. Our attachment styles, our upbringings , mindset/beliefs , mental health, trauma history etc .

    Im also very spiritual , spirituality to me is just apart of life a truth. And so I look at those aspects as well. To get a full picture.

    Given what I know about psychology when I first heard about Twin Flames I didn’t think it was a real thing. Then I met mine & had several unexplainable spiritual experiences. Researched it and found thousands of others with similar experiences. Still knowing it’s just a label to provide context & nothing is set in stone , given my experiences & my own spiritual abilities – it makes sense & is quite logical when broken down.

    Boundaries are always important but rarely do we talk about spiritual boundaries. We live in a world that divides science & spirituality . It’s either one or the other. But as society and society advances , we see science is making “new” discoveries which are in alignment with spiritual truths that have been around for Ages.

    Mentally/psychologically & physically we need to set proper boundaries with people. This allows us to connect & develop intimacy by letting others know what we can do.

    But we are not only physical & mental. We are also spiritual . We are made of energy. Energy carries vibration. Life is about frequency. The things around us, the people we allow near us mostly carry a similar frequency. When our frequency changes our environment changes as well. This all allows us to connect. For example , empathy. The ability to feel what someone else feels. Why would we have this ability ? It lets us know we are communal beings.

    This is a very choppy rough cut of my thoughts on this also typing on my phone & can’t see most of what I write lol.

    so spiritual boundaries for example. Some people just have bad energy . Or energy that doesn’t resonate well with us. They may irritate us, make us weak, or even sick. Spiritual boundaries are needed in those cases.

    With my Twin Flame, they don’t open up much. They have more than usual since connections with me, but they are still very closed off. And just at the beginning of their spiritual awakening & ascension. Me on the other hand, I’m HIGHLY empathic more than most, somewhat psychic , very communicative . I feel my Twin Flame on a very very deep level. And they are going through a lot and by not opening up & shoving it deeper & avoiding it, it’s just not good. Guess who feels it all? Me. I feel a ton of it. It started with me waking up in the middle of the night at specific times with panic attacks (sleep is never an issue for me), then I started having intense anxiety and panic attacks, my heart chakra was burning, I would think about them right when they were making a note to me, I became very in tune but also sick because of how deeply I felt everything they suppressed. And I wanted to help so bad (my codependency) that I didn’t know how to turn away even when they weren’t trying to help themselves . It was torture. I felt like I was watching someone set themselves on fire & not let me put it out.

    So I had to set spiritual boundaries for my well being and health. So I could sleep. Stop getting bombarded with intuition about them. Limit how much I felt their pain. And trust they’d figure it out. Boundaries look different for different people. You just get messages about what to do. Mine was as simple as letting go & not checking on their social media or reaching out. Not because I didn’t want to be with them. But because the ball is in their court and they have to properly reach out.

    If I could have it all my way. We’d be together talking it out on a beach somewhere & resolving it all. If I could have my way, we’d work it out romantically & be together.

    But the ball is in their court & they’re still running.

    I have been just keeping to myself & working on discipline & my personal goals. Making friends & getting my mental health together . And that’s the best thing I’ve done for myself since then. I also know that me tugging on them was pushing them away anyway.

    Im not waiting because it’s painful. But I am distracting myself.

    #314547

    Lena
    Participant

    Anita–I can definitely relate to your analysis of the situation.  I do think there was something about him that I just clicked with on a level that’s hard to express and reminds me of being a child, when things were much less complicated.  Even though we talked a lot and deep conversations, what stands out most to me about out time together is that sometimes we would just look at each other, or hold hands, and it was magical.  It felt like I knew him.  Something about the way he looked at me felt so familiar; I got the overwhelming feeling sometimes that he reminded me of someone.

    Even when we in a crowd of people, he would look at me from across the room and wiggle his eyebrows or do something ridiculous to make me laugh.  And there was something lighthearted and positive about his aura that really drew me in.  It just felt really good to be around him, in an effortless way that I’ve rarely encountered when dating.  I hadn’t connected this with my childhood experiences but I think it’s certainly possible–especially since my understanding is that attachment styles develop very early on in infancy.  And I have no doubt that my “anxious” attachment style played a role in the push and pull I’ve experienced with him.

    Grenada–thank you for sharing.  I know exactly what you mean about feeling that if it were up to you, you’d be on a beach somewhere talking over things with your TF.  That’s how I feel too…I just want the opportunity to see him again and have a meaningful conversation.  It doesn’t sound like much to ask lol.  But he doesn’t seem to even want to give me that (especially after seeing me with my ex N), and I just have to accept that.  I’m not reaching out to him, I’ve given up on the idea of initiating things with him.

    And it’s funny that your TF sounds a bit like mine, closed off.  Which drives me crazy.  For me, emotional intimacy, trust, honesty, and communication are all very important.  I NEED, not want, a partner who is emotionally intelligent and mature, and who reciprocates when I open up.  But S–from what I’ve picked up, again mostly relying on my intuition and things he said on dates–seems to have a lot of really deep-seated issues that prevent him from fully connecting romantically with someone.  For one thing, he said that he’s never been in love.  Even though I don’t like being judgmental, that did strike me as being a bit strange, as we’re both in our late twenties.  To me, that suggests a fear of intimacy, fear of relinquishing control, etc., which explains some of his behaviour.  He also seems to be in a lot of pain over the death of someone he was very close to.  And, from what my mutual friend told me, he seems to be using drugs like adderall/coke.  I had actually picked up on this when we were dating and asked him if he was on Adderall…he was like “how did you know?”  I just did.

    Bottom line, I know he’s in a rough place.  And all I can be is compassionate and recognise there’s nothing I can do about it.  But it’s hard having genuine feelings towards someone I know I can’t be with (and who probably doesn’t have the same feelings towards me, even though deep down I feel like he might, and it makes me sad and frustrated and angry he just can’t be honest with me).

    #314569

    Grenada
    Participant

    Totally! That’s why I like the label “Twin Flame” just because when you search it, you find so many people with very similar stories.

    I also keep running into people with reallly similar stories to mine. It’s made me a little paranoid in the past but  I’ve learned with this stuff you’ve just got to ride the wave, accept it , or it’ll take you down lol. I’ve always had all types of spiritual experiences happen but for some reason this one has been the hardest to accept. I guess because it’s mirrored back to me in a way its never been before.

    ive lowkey wanted to keep in contact with those going through this for support but never know how to open that up or start it.

    I totally get the frustration with not having communication & wanting them to be around consistently. If it is your twin flame they love you, they just can’t get their head out of their own sh*t right now in order to smell the roses. It’s hard not to take it personally. To the awakened TF you & I everything seems so simple .  But to them , they deal with it differently.

    its never just one person running or being avoidant though. It’s almost always the case where the other is running too, like running away from responsibilities, self, deeper lessons. That was the case for me. And I’m working on that now. I’ve noticed since I’ve worked on it my TF seems to be coming to more realizations . It’s crazy not talking to them directly but seeing them on social media. I can kind of see how our individual energies balance eachother or react to eachother even when we don’t know what the other is doing consciously. We’re so tuned in. Sometimes I wish they’d see this. Maybe they do. Maybe I need to stop assuming that because they don’t open up like I do, that they don’t notice things .

    The idea of addiction came to my mind many times when it came to my TF. But idk to what. I think it was alcohol in past. But I don’t sense that now, like maybe they drink too much wine.. but idk I’m hoping it’s not something else.

    I also think they are trying to rationalize our connection too much . Like Blame there mental illness, or addiction or something . Like pathologize their attraction and connection to me.. instead of just acknowledging, we have natural chemistry …

    Its all really frustrating. It feels like I’m watching a crappy romance movie. Where we can see how things could be if the characters followed their hearts but one never takes the chance. At first it did seem too good to be true. And I guess it is.. but part of me is tired of things going this way. Like “can we get it together please!” Like can we just do the thing. Just reach out, just talk… I’m tired of the same ol story where someone’s afraid to take a risk or afraid to follow their heart or… ive seen this over an over in other people & in my past . And it’s not something I want to deal with anymore now that I’ve developed my confidence & self trust.

     

    #314609

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lena:

    You wrote that you clicked with him “on a level that’s hard to express and reminds me of being a child, when things were much less complicated”, and that “sometimes we would just look at each other, or hold hands, and it was magical. It felt like I knew him. Something about the way he looked at me felt so familiar; I got the overwhelming feeling sometimes that he reminded me of someone”.

    We forget how it felt to be a young child. We didn’t feel separate from others, there was a magic in being together with others- no suspicions, no distrust, no self consciousness, no doubts, no overthinking- but a feeling of safety and great comfort. If you think of every person in the young child’s life (before separation) as a flame, then every person- and pet- was the child’s twin flame.

    And then life happened that caused you to experience the “‘anxious’ attachment style” you mentioned, and him- to experience “really deep-seated issues that prevent him from fully connecting romantically with someone”.

    I am guessing that as a child, feeling anxious, someone in your life back then did something similar to what S did: “he would look at me from across the room and wiggle his eyebrows or do something ridiculous to make me laugh”- some adult in your early childhood noticed that you were anxious and tried to make you feel better. I think S reminds you of that person who made you laugh, and had “something lighthearted and positive about him”, unlike the heaviness and negativity about one of your parents, or both.

    “It just felt really good to be around him, in an effortless way”- as a child, from one point on, it required effort on your part to be around any one of your parents, or both. It required that you choose your words, or facial expressions and pretend something that you were not, that you be on guard.

    If we started life as flames and every person was our twin flame, increasingly as older children, teenagers and adults we become separate from others and ourselves, separate from the simple, effortless life that used to be, to just be ourselves with no part of us observing and criticizing ourselves.

    I want to trust myself enough to live more spontaneously, less self consciously, less critical of myself, less on guard- like a child.

    anita

     

    #316391

    Lena
    Participant

    Grenada and Anita: just saw your posts!  Not sure how I missed them.

    Grenada–I totally relate to everything you’ve said about your TF.  Wish there was a way to message individually or something– it’s so refreshing to hear from someone who gets what I’m experiencing.  It’s super interesting to me how people’s stories about twin flames are super similar…like, they all involve the same themes, same patterns, same behaviours.   And similar to what  you’ve said, even though I’m open to spiritual (and spiritually challenging) experiences, this has by far been one of the hardest for me to confront, because of all the feelings of self-loathing and insecurity and loneliness it’s conjured up inside me.  It’s like suddenly I’m in middle school again and have braces and acne and feel like crap about myself :p

    Probably one of the most challenging aspects of this experience is how legitimately bad and judgmental I feel towards myself for still having feelings towards my TF. We went on A FEW DATES.  I live in a super fast-paced city where people date around all the time.  Heck, I date around all the time, lol.  So why am I stuck on this one person who pulled away from me? Who couldn’t be bothered to take the time to have a simple conversation with me, be honest with me, clear the air?  Who made me doubt myself, stirred up old demons inside me?  Why can’t I just be content with guys like N (my ex), who tried to make me happy and learn what makes me tick?

    I know my anxious attachment style plays a part of it, but it still doesn’t completely explain the fixation I’ve felt towards this person.  It’s like the more I try to be rational, the less sense it makes– I just have to accept it for what it is.  I’ve been scared to use the TF label because that would mean accepting something that I’ve tried very hard to push away.  But even if I go a day or two or three without thinking about my TF (much), the feelings always return.  It’s like waves that ebb and flow, and the more I fight against the current the stronger my thoughts of him are.

    “Maybe I need to stop assuming that because they don’t open up like I do, that they don’t notice things”–VERY TRUE.  I’ve probably made a lot of assumptions about my TF, based on his behaviour, that aren’t necessarily true.  During our last text conversation, after that crazy two-day birthday party where we had just started to open up to each other, he told me that I wasn’t the only one feeling things and that I needed to stop acting like I was the only one that would have difficulty moving on after that weekend.  He said he was still just trying to process what had happened.

    It made me realise that I had no clue what was going on in his heart, and that maybe he has been going through some inner turmoil and conflict that i don’t know about.  I’ve been judging him, judging myself, when maybe i just need to accept the situation.  Which is, we both have a lot of work to do before we get together.  Not just him–me.  Because as much as I’d like to think of myself as being more spiritually awakened than him, the truth is that I have a lot of work to do, too.  If we ever do get together (reunite/ascend/that whole lingo lol) I’d like to be in a place where I feel secure enough, in myself and in my life’s path and purpose, to know that even if he were to disappear again, I’d be okay.  I wouldn’t fall apart or drown in doubt and regret and self-admonishment.

    And if 100% honest with myself, it’s going to be a while until i get to that place.  I still don’t think I’ve found what truly sets my soul on fire with passion and purpose.  And maybe that’s what I need to do before I reunite with my TF/find my soulmate/etc.

    Anita–thank you for your wise words as well.  I know I keep returning to this twin flame terminology, but it definitely helps to see things from a different perspective.  And this idea of  “trusting myself enough to live more spontaneously, less self consciously, less critical of myself, less on guard- like a child” is one that really resonates with me.  I’m an incredibly self-conscious and self-critical person; I always have been.  It’s part of the reason why I’m actually the one that does quite a bit of running in relationships.  I’m scared that the more a person gets to know me, the more they’ll see my flaws, my deficiencies.  But the more I progress in my spiritual journey, the more accepting I’m coming to be towards myself, slowly but surely.  And the more I want real love with someone who wants it with me as well.

    #316429

    Grenada
    Participant

    Hey Lena,

    was wondering how you were doing. I’ve had to come to some hard realizations myself. The TF label really just holds us accountable to doing the spiritual work. But sometimes i think people use it as a reason to give passes for peoples bad behavior. Every relationship needs respect, intimacy, consistency, boundaries & healthy communication. Without that its quite unhealthy. I think the fact that these people are our TF it gives us extra insight, empathy, understanding & the ability to love and forgive. And there’s alot that can come from those insights & perspectives that we can use for our own healing & to help others.

    Our minds play alot of tricks on us though. Our minds are wired to try & rationalize, shortcut, and make sense of things. So even in unhealthy situations our minds will find a way to rationalize it for comfort. That’s to say, one of my hardest challenges has been to separate everything the spiritual, mental, emotional & physical- make sense of those things so I could figure out what I needed fully in order to piece it back together the right way.

    I find myself angry at my TF, angry at myself for losing some self respect in the process of chasing them & trying to hold on to them while they were unhealthy because its left me beat up in some ways. I find myself trying to take distance but worrying about my TF, wanting to check on them. I find my physical body literally rejecting them, in physical pain when connected because of built up worry, feeling loss of control, feeling unable to move forward, being a control freak.. and i just found all my parts at war until I had to just say “You know what f*ck it..”

    The craziest part is, that’s what we are supposed to do in the end, give in to OURSELVES, Our needs, develop more self love, self respect, confidence.

    You’re not the only one experiencing what you’re experiencing, tons of people on the journey or who were on the journey have. It all just forces us to do what we need for ourselves & we’ve been needing to making healthier decisions & not listening, so it took this to really bring some awakening in that sense.

    You can message me if you’d like. Maybe we can support eachother in the self development process. I’ll give an email im not too worried about sharing :

    iamgrenada1111@gmail.com

    #316433

    Grenada
    Participant

    needing to make*

    Also was thinking a lot about how you said your TF said “they’ve never been in love before.” Yep mine too. I thought it was bizarre, especially since they were in a relationship for over 8 years.. A lot of the things that’s come up has let me know they’ve got a lot of work to do. I do too, but I’m always honest about that. I’ve helped them a lot, but my spirit is telling me “LET THEM DO THEIR OWN WORK…” And they’ve got a lot of work to do.

    In the perfect world they’d just do it, let go of what needs to be let go, do right, forgive, move on from their past, open up etc… Things that I find very easy.. yet, I can’t quite seem to stay discipline in my own diet or meditation schedule…lol I’m way better now that I’ve cut out social media. But that’s just to say, we are all working on things. I can’t judge them until I get my own stuff together yes, but they still have been pretty lousy towards me – TF or not. And they don’t get passes for that. the best apology is changed behavior & whether they do so or not, I really don’t worry about it because I know my life is constantly creating more opportunities for my happiness & abundance.

    Yea, I feel you on the dating thing. I am also dating others, friends/dating etc. My intention was really to make friends. But I decided to date too. Found myself laying in someones arms under the stars, i felt conflicted. it was everything I wanted, but not with the person I wanted. And I felt so mentally messed up because the person i wanted it with (my TF), has not been able to show me they deserve access to me like that.

    I still love them deeply. If they got it together while I was single & wanted to work it out, i’d consider it. But I am also okay with dating others, & im pretty optimistic now that whoever comes into my life whether its them or someone else, will be who I am supposed to be with & a good thing for me.

    I too got all the signs, and the signs do get louder when you ignore & avoid it. But once you accept it, you’re not stuck, you just move forward and past it. It’s just a reminder to not turn back into old unhealthy patterns. And Im okay with that as initially i was on the wrong track.

    #316435

    Grenada
    Participant

    Sorry I am responding to your post pretty late & keep reading parts & remembering I left out part of my reply.

    Things piqued in communication around my birthday with my TF. Except I was incredibly angry because I blamed them for ruining my birthday. I know that’s harsh. We talked & they didnt even say Happy Bday, never did. Even when I reminded them. And I was upset that day because we were supposed to meet in person & I was excited & they canceled last minute & lied about why they canceled. We somehow managed to communicate there was feelings & attraction & it was intense. But it didn’t need to be so hectic. I get I can be emotional. But they general have been doing things that would drive anyone crazy & the more I relieve myself of the blame for their bad behavior, the better I feel physically & spiritually… which just means like .. yea, I may have work to do, but I’m a descent person deserving of good love. And they lost out on that, whether conscious choice  or becoming slave to their bad habits/addictions whatever. It be nice if they were to make some heroic turnaround to do better for the person they loved or something.. but life isnt a fairytale. its more like a school with infinite possibilities depending on our options.

    #316437

    Grenada
    Participant

    depending on our choices** not options.. geez lol

    Sorry lol ..La lucha es realistico

    #316483

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lena:

    You are welcome. You wrote: “I’m an incredibly self-conscious and self-critical person; I always have been”-

    – not always, no person is  born self-conscious and/ or self-critical. First, a care taker figure disapproves of us and criticizes us repeatedly,  and then- from that point on- we disapprove and criticize ourselves.

    anita

    #316509

    Lena
    Participant

    Grenada ahh so much of what you said is bringing up really similar thought processes/emotions that I’ve experienced with my twin flame!

    I too struggle with feeling emotional and being angry sometimes…anger that I’ve definitely expressed towards my TF.  Like, I’m usually cool, calm and collected–I’m a lawyer, so I rely on a lot on reason and keeping my composure–but when it comes to men and feeling like they disrespected me or overstepped my boundaries, I can blow up and be an a**hole lol. It just really angers me when men take advantage of my kindness and empathy towards them, and don’t show that same level of respect back.  And for some reason my TF set off that anger more than most.

    One thing that dealing with my TF has taught me is that it’s okay to express that anger and to feel it—it’s part of the process of accepting and letting go.  As long as you express it in a respectful way without name calling (which unfortunately I’ve definitely done lol).  I’ve realized that I can’t bottle up my emotions or pretend to be the “cool girl” anymore that just goes with the flow and accepts shitty behavior (from people I’m dating or even from friends).  A real relationship with honest communication consists of a dialogue where you feel safe enough to express your needs and negative feelings, not just the warm, fuzzy ones.

     

    And yea, our TF’s don’t automatically deserve access to us and our innermost thoughts.  Especially when they’ve shielded us from theirs.  I think that’s part of the self-love and self-respect thing—I’m open to the idea of one day re-igniting things with my TF, but that’s only if I feel that he’s willing to be open and pursue things, too.  And only if he’s done the work to become someone that’s more self-aware and less “self-involved”, which he’s acknowledged that he has been.  I’m no longer going to be the one to send him texts where I wear my heart on my sleeve and get nothing real in return.  If I ever see him again, I ‘ve decided I just want to listen and receive what he has to say.

    It’s funny how he claimed, the last time we saw each other, that he had so many things he wanted to say, yet he didn’t say any of it.  And that’s not ok.

    On the positive side, I think something this whole TF experience has taught me is to embrace both the feminine and masculine in myself.  Like, I think things that really attracted me about my TF is that he’s super passionate about his work, driven, and competitive; he’s the type of person that goes after his goals single-mindedly and makes them happen.  With me, I’ve realized that I’ve adopted a kind of lackadaisical attitude about my career….like, I’ve let things happen without setting concrete goals about what I want to accomplish.  And I’ve realized that I have a lot more potential than I’ve given myself credit for and gifts that I want to tap into.

    It’s funny how since meeting him, I’ve picked up on his masculine energy a bit—I feel more comfortable expressing anger.  I feel more comfortable being assertive and direct, even if guys perceive me as a b*tch.  Yet I’ve also embraced my feminine energy more too…I’ve found myself wanting to be pursued in a relationship, and realizing that’s okay.  I want to be with someone that feels comfortable enough in their skin to be open and not play games and make the first move.  And I’ve realized that I want to date someone that has also fully embraced their feminine and masculine side—who has no problem with being affectionate and tender, but can also be forthright and assertive.  It may be a lot to ask lol, but I don’t want to settle in a relationship.  I’d much rather just date around, have good friends and enjoy my life.

    And ughh, I know the feeling you described about being in that person’s arms and wishing it was with your TF.  That happens to me all the time, where I feel sad and messed up and annoyed with myself because the person that’s showing interest in me is not the person I truly want.  I felt conflicted ALL THE TIME when I was with N, but wanted to be with S.  It felt like I was emotionally cheating on him.  I still feel bad about it.  But I guess things were never meant to be with N anyway, and being with him did bring me closer to the type of relationship that I ultimately want.

    I’m really glad that you’ve come to realizations about your TF.  One thing that’s helped me a lot is setting boundaries with mine (in my last text I told him that if we ever saw each other again in a social setting, we should keep our distance).  At first I was angry when he didn’t respond.  But then I realized it was silly to expect him to–he’s never been communicative, even though I’ve given him the space and opportunities to come around.  And I get the sense that him not responding is his way of having control over the situation—like, HE wants to be the one that decides when we shouldn’t talk.  If it were up to him he’d probably just let things be open-ended forever.  Even when I practically begged him for closure.

    In the end I think the closure has to come within ourselves.  Like you said, I think that’s the purpose of this experience—to give in to ourselves, love ourselves, flaws and all.  And to develop and stick to our self-routines (like meditating and exercising and all that good stuff).  It’s funny how every time my TF has returned into my life, even temporarily, he’s disrupted that routine.  I’ll literally go back to my old sleep patterns (I used to have bad insomnia) and will go back to stalking his social media or wasting time or just feeling crummy about myself.  The second he’s gone from my life, I actually feel physically better.  I sleep and eat better.  And to me that’s a huge indication that, at least for now, I’m better off alone, working on myself and the things I want to accomplish.  Even though there’s a part of me that will probably always be curious about him and want to see him again.   But like you said, life isn’t a fairytale, and I can’t wait for some hypothetical future when he comes around and shows me that he’s made progress and is willing to put in the work and time that a relationship demands.  I have to focus on the here and now.  He’s not here now.

    #316521

    Grenada
    Participant

    Ha! I still have my LSAT prep materials in my closet . Right when I was about to apply to Law school , the elections happened.. lol so I was like let me take a break. But my close chosen family & mentors are lawyers. Maybe that’s why I understand your communication style so well.

    Everything you said- yep EXACTLY. I was attracted to my TF for same reasons. I realized same about myself & not fully utilizing my gifts etc. I actually read an article once about how Attachment styles play out in the career world. Really interesting…

    I’m glad you were able to come to those conclusions.

    #316529

    Grenada
    Participant

    And yea, it’s hard to eat /focus/sleep when emotionally immature /inconsistent/ disrespectful people come into our lives expecting love without directly asking for it & not being accountable … lol

    #316537

    Grenada
    Participant

    Also that’s not too much to ask for. It’s wild that I’m asking for almost exact same thing. Basically another me but someone who balances those masculine & feminine qualities in me etc.

    Its def possible to meet others like that. Once I tapped into self love I started meeting people who do.

    keep your head up ❤️

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 38 total)

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