It’s funny how my comments are judged as inappropriate if they don’t tell you what you want to hear.  I read *EVERY* word you wrote just as much as the other people who responded but you only shot down the comments that were trying to get your to cut through the nonsense. I pointed out a lot of things jump out as obviously dysfunctional and you took them as a personal attack.  You get bent out of shape because it is the harsh truth you obviously don’t want to face.  I can see from your follow up comments that you only value “advice” that tells you to keep wondering and analyzing even though a million tangible and obvious signs point to this “relationship” being a waste of your time and energy.  I think you are desperately seeking any microscopic nugget of hope  and are making up stories in your head and a narrative to hold on to that hope.

You don’t understand men – if they want you to know you’re special THEY WILL TELL YOU.  If you’re “confused” or it’s back and forth or hot and cold that’s a sign he’s not as into you as you want him to be.  Women who get obsessed with a man often like the confusion because there’s just enough good and positive stuff to outweigh the bad or confusing stuff….all while he never fully commits.   So you’re going to analyze this “relationship” to death so you can keep wondering and waiting for that moment that unfortunately, is never going to come.

Re:  “I don’t know what to think Anita, as I go back and forth between feeling like he only sees it short-term, to also being confused by some of the things he says and some of the actions he makes. Also these new revelations seems to discredit what you have said in the past, no? I Do you still believe that he has trouble opening up with people because of his parents, or do you think it is just me he has trouble doing this with.”  <<—— This is classic “confused” woman trying to analyze a man’s actions to find some tiny shred of hope.

Re:  “Therefore he would need to seek out other women to reinforce that I am truly not or truly am what he is looking for.”   <—- NOPE, that’s definitely not true.  I’m not sure how much experience you have actually dating but a person can DEFINITELY know someone is not the one without dating others to compare them to.  This is just another method you have of tricking yourself into believing that there’s hope and he might “Come around” to pick you after he’s tried other women. No, it’s not going to happen.

Re: “I also don’t think he would’ve been so distraught at the idea of losing me over the summer. He was severely depressed for the weeks that we weren’t talking or seeing each other much. I feel like men who have not really wanted to be with me and have been fine to move on and seem to feel relief when it’s over.”   <<—–This (again) is you trying to make up something that isn’t there to hold on to that sliver of hope (again).  You’re trying to act like he’s not in touch with his emotions and that his angst might be a sign of how much he loves you and can’t admit it.

Re:  “I’m confused as to why he would want to come to my family’s house and get involved with them again if he only sees it as short term”   <—–  Men do this all the time. He likes your company enough to be involved to a certain level but he won’t make a full commitment.   This is the “placeholder” concept I tried to tell you about earlier that you ignored.  And here it is happening again.

Re:  “black and white.”  Some things in life ARE black and white.  Yes, really.

Since this is a BUDDHA / Buddhism site study the concept of ATTACHMENT:  You’re not willing to let go.  You’re wayyyyyyyy too attached to a fantasy in your head of what you want and not accepting the reality of what IS.

LIFE LESSON:  When a man leaves you “confused” it’s a BIG RED FLAG that he’s not the one. When a man is crazy about a woman he tells her, his actions will match his words, he won’t be hot & cold, he won’t pull back …and you won’t have to chase him.
——————————————————————————————————–
But it ALL comes down to this:  ““He keeps saying that (he) loves me, in a way, but I am not his one and only. He says it so robotically that I don’t know how to believe it”- he said it robotically- robots do not have intuition.”

If he is telling you right to your face that you are not “The One” –  believe him.  It doesn’t matter what his tone of voice was.  Stop doing the analyzing that women trying to find an “out” or mixed message that will give you a sliver of hope.   Yet your comment of “I don’t know how to believe it” means you’re trying to read something “Confusing” into it to hold on to that hope.
HE”S TELLING YOU YOU’RE NOT THE ONE.  That’s the truth.

You’re FAR Too emotionally involved with him to see this clearly but his honesty is a gift.  It’s a sign to stop investing and move on to someone who will value you.  You have to understand and accept that a person can love you (on varying levels) but not want to fully commit EVER.  It happens ALL the time.  That’s you.

The only thing left in all of this with you and him is figuring out how you can let go.

I’m sure you’ll flag this response too since it isn’t sweet and fluffy and giving you hope but if you took a hard look at how much wondering and confusion you’re CONSTANTLY dealing with you’d know I’m right.

You’ve written enough to fill a small novel about a man who won’t fully commit and that was obvious all along.  Do you really not understand what is happening here?   I think you’ll be here in 2021 grasping on to the slightest positive sign while you continue in your “confusion” about this man and his intentions.

You may not be old enough or mature enough to know this but that is NOT love.