Hi @NBC,

I never thought I’d be welcoming someone but it feels so cool! So howdy and come on board mate. The folk on here are sweet 👌

Thanks for your well wishes, still can not digest the kindness of you all!

I have to say though, I really don’t believe in happy ever afters. Maybe the betrayal I experienced with ‘A’  or just maturing to realise relationships are not easy and can’t be reduced to living happily ever after also can humans ever really be happy?!

That’s a really interesting question you posed though mate! Short answer is Yes and No ahaha.

It boils down to how do you define chemistry? Many people have different definitions.

Some people describe it as purely a spark or butterflies they feel based on physical attraction.

Some people describe it as an instant “click” with someone.

For me with maturing I’d describe chemistry as a combination of desire and emotional connect.

Did I have chemistry with ‘B’ the first time?

100% yes.

How?

We could text or calls for hours. The connection was instant and I felt like I had known her forever, we emotionally vibed. Convo always flowed. I’d find myself trying to resist talking to her to play it cool.

When we would meet for dates, we enjoyed each others company so much even without sex, we’d lose track of time.

When I saw ‘B’ in person, I’ve always had to resist putting my hands where I shouldn’t- just being honest. We always had natural sexual banter and even now flirt up a storm which is fun until this day. The sexual chemistry was there.

There is a very very fine line which differentiates a best friend from a lover – that’s sexual desire. If you fantasise, share a more intimate bond or desires you’re not just best friends!! It would feel confusing to feel that way about a friend, that’s when you know you’re in trouble, it’s more!

Now was my chemistry for ‘B’ the driving force for my epiphany?

Yes and no.

Yes chemistry can show you the huge potential that you and another person can have in a relationship. It’s the beginning of something beautiful, but ultimately romantic attraction requires work. To become lovers you need to spend more time together, it would not have blossomed into the love we share now if we didn’t work at it.

So was chemistry the primary force for me to reflect and go back?

No, my reflection occured from reaching an impasse in life. I felt hollow and questioned (I posted some of those questions previously) what I needed and wanted. Who I was? Etc.

I went back to ‘B’ –  because of many factors that of which includes the chemistry. If the others didn’t exist i.e. emotional understanding or shared goals I wouldn’t have reconciled. I matured to respect her values, and cherish the qualities which I took for granted. This angel stopped me from drowning, inspired me to be better and that’s not just down to chemistry, its down to her as a human being. Finding a person who does that within you is rare.

I know if our love, God forbid, doesnt withstand the test of time alongside it I’ll lose the friendship. You can never go back, so you must cherish it.

Does that answer your question NBC?

You mentioned the men never had an epiphany, did you want that from all of them? You don’t need them to be validated.

Also a woman should never need to chase a man. A real man always steps up even if he is erroneous. Those men you dated  most likely never returned not because it’s a reflection of you but them:

A) never had serious intentions – so you’re well rid

B) Not many men can brave facing hard truths and growing. It was really challenging and painful for me. It’s sometimes  easier for men to compartmentalise and move on rather than fight. This can be down to low self worth or just that they don’t know what they want!

Hope it helps, feel free to ask more. Happy New Year to you!