Men are notoriously good at playing games, it’s partly that intrinsic hunter mentality.

Some men are Narcs, some just fuckboys and some like me display the disgusting behaviour because of insecurities and a need for CONTROL due to past rejection and broken relationships.

I’m not proud of myself but I’ve been through that immature phase of mind games and power battles.

Unfortunately many men will push boundaries to test how much they can get away with, it’s used to suss out who is game or DTF and box you into categories. So women get labelled and because men are so good at compartmentalising. You get stuck there unless growth occurs.

Here’s the thing, due to my preconceived notions, I categorised ‘B’. How wrong was I?

‘B’ turned out a very classy woman who despite her kindness is no doormat. She knows what she needs in a relationship so can be vulnerable with her feelings, that includes discussing her sexual desires but would never sacrifice her values to attain the affections of a man.

Does that mean as a man I should assume she is a w***e for discussing natural desires? Or I’m owed sex because I’m dining her? At one point insecure me was butthurt and I’ll admit my immaturity and lad behaviour made many misconceptions about her based on the “rules” i.e. she was a cocktease etc

I grew up. Some men don’t.

They’ll continue to use a woman’s reaction to their behaviour to deduce whether she is a certain type of person that they can get away with flouting the boundaries.

Some disgusting men go as far as luring the woman into believing that there are no repercussions for going along with their action.

Some of them will make a judgement about you and use this to not only write you off as a serious prospect for a relationship, but give themselves the green light to mistreat you.

If men discover that there are very few ‘barriers to entry’ because there are no real consequences to any of their behaviour, in spite of the fact that they are aware they are morally wrong, they ultimately know you have issues with self-esteem and boundaries so they play it to their advantage.

‘B’ is very emotionally aware, a nurturer. She can see shades of grey, but when someone blatantly crosses her boundaries (like I did) and continued doing things i.e total contempt and inappropriate, the answer was she had the self respect to not accept it or to analyse the crap out of my behaviour anymore. She walked away.

So you teach men with consequences, the only real language they understand.

Don’t accept bad behaviour because in normalising you not only become distanced from yourself and your values, needs, and wants, you’ll end up in a very toxic situation which will affect your own self esteem!

That’s why I respect ‘B’ so much now, she was kind and perceptive to make allowances because she recognised I was hurt. However she always had a strong sense of self. She wanted me very much but NO – she never crossed her own boundaries to get me and walked away making it clear no one would get all of her without commitment.

Breaking bro code here but I’ve learned to respect women, this is how players and immature boys think:

• When a woman takes you up on Netflix and chill then  expect to be having sex.

• Whole quid pro quo exchange thing – buy her things or dinner and expect sexual favours in return

•  “I don’t want to end up hurting you” or “I don’t deserve you” is 9/10 either a cop out and they are trying to get out of the relationship or they lack self control and will, in fact, hurt you. He is prepared to have sex with you and he is also not prepared to take any responsibility for your hurt feelings when he dumps you.

• “I’m not your typical guy” someone trying so hard to tell you he is unique usually means he can’t be trusted. If he was unique his actions would speak for themselves.

• Study his friends because honestly if he hangs with immoral, narcissistic people, it’s bound to rub off. It did on me. It’s true the company you keep is telling.

For the most part guys are very straightforward. If he’s being upfront or dropping something in there then there’s a reason and truth in it. Heed the warning!! He’s doing it to manage expectations so he can clear his conscience and sleep easy.