Dear Anita,

wow, thank you! Your response is very insightful and you are right.

“the opposite of wild is tamed“ – this hit me so hard, I cannot tell you how much;

“and you didn’t pay attention to other girls who also did not belong to the popular-with-boys group of girls, including the girls who were mocked by the popular girls.” – Quite the contrary, to be honest…I had a group of friends, we were all deemed physically less attractive, all of us more chubby than skinny and less “fashionable”. This is why I was even more disappointed. The girls in this group were all wonderful, funny, and fun to be around, but none of them had a boyfriend. They expressed similar experiences. They were good enough to laugh with (and at), but not to date.

“I crave hugs and kisses”- you feel that craving, it is not completely tamed.  I imagine that this craving does not show at all in your facial expressions and behaviors (?) – This, I honestly don’t know. I am a hugger and my female friends always hug me. There was one incident in high school, where a male schoolmate was celebrating his birthday one day and we all went to congratulate and hug him. He was happy to hug my attractive friends, but seemed shocked and disgusted when I went in for a hug. He barely gave a proper hug back. Since then I am afraid to give another boy a hug. It is also weird because people in high school described me as a very warm and compassionate person.

I have one more strange situation that I cannot understand: in sixth grade, when I was normal weight and not yet affected my no-sex/affection talk at home, a boy told me he likes me. I immediately panicked and was convinced that he was mocking me to get a laugh out of his friends. Even at that age (10,11..), when I was not concerned about my looks and physical affection, I could not understand how someone would like me. That was the first time I experienced this weird feeling and I would experience it every time while talking or spending time with another boy, whether it be in a group conversation with our friends or randomly meeting a schoolmate in the college hall. I was severely bullied in primary school by girls only, so I cannot understand why I’m always more afraid of boys.