Dear Janet:

I am sorry that you were bullied, and that you were bullied for so long. Reads to me that the reason you were bullied was that those girls, particularly your neighbor, suffered from aggression in her childhood home, and proceeded to pass that aggression on to you, choosing you for this purpose simply because you were “shy and a goody-goody” which to her meant that you wouldn’t fight her back once she bullies you. (It is similar to predators in nature choosing as prey the very young or very old members of a herd because those will not fight back against the predator).

“I was afraid to stand up to her in fear she would use that against me. If I had only stood up to her early on.. I would spare myself so much pain and regret. This regret is eating me up inside and I don’t know how to handle it”- it is not possible for any child in your situation to stand up to bullies. It was not that you had the ability to stand up to her and you chose to not take advantage of that ability.

A child needs guidance from her parents. Your parents “never talked about romance feelings and.. sex or romance” or bullying, or standing up for yourself otherwise. An animal in the wild that is not taught how to hunt will not be able to hunt. Similarly, a child who is not taught how to stand up for herself.. is not able to stand up for herself.

I will be away from the computer for a while. Feel free to post back to me anytime and I will reply when I am back.

anita