Hi Mini,

So, I read your thread completely, others’ response to you and your response to them.

According to you, you have worked on yourself and have “mastered” things in life, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically. You are constantly improving and are not “broken”, but seem to attract others who are.

I am going to be blunt here, apologies if I offend you. It is not my intention to do so.

I find your view about “brokenness” to be very… ummm… binary. People are either broken, or they are not. That is not the case at all. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has parts of themselves that are broken or damaged, you too. You say you have 99 things working for you, the only one not working is relationships. So, isn’t that part of you “broken”? Aren’t you here to address that? The pain that is not going away… Isn’t it the pain of longing for a deep, meaningful relationship?

What you must understand is that relationships are a two-way street. Always. Yes, you are not responsible for their past, and nobody is blaming you for their past. When your partner is telling you about their past, they don’t expect to be parented or coached. Maybe they are just telling you about their baggage and past and what hurts them, because you are their partner and they are confiding in you? Maybe they are just looking for comfort? Relationships are all about that, isn’t it? Comfort and compassion. If your partner was cheated on, it was a traumatic experience for them, and when they cry on your shoulder, they may just need a hug and a cup of tea. So maybe you need to change your perspective here. People aren’t ignorant, not all of them at least; they just have different experiences than you, and that is nobody’s fault. Also, it is very unrealistic to expect that you will find anybody with zero baggage. Maybe somebody lost a parent, or had a bad breakup, or lost a child, or had a tough time financially… The list goes on… Our past experiences are what build us, and some of those experiences affect you badly. So unless you date somebody who is 16, fresh into the world, you will not find anyone without baggage. Maybe look beyond their baggage, and consider their past/baggage to be a small part of that person. Instead of focusing on their past, look at the other qualities that attract you to them.

You mention you are improving constantly, spiritually and emotionally. Yet, I see a serious lack of compassion and kindness in you. Relationships do not work if you lack compassion. Maybe you could work on that? As Ashmitha said, relationships require you to be compassionate towards and be kind to your partner. It will never work if you do not have that.

You say you are 38, and none of your relationships have worked so far. I wonder, was it you who dumped your partners? If yes, why? Do you see a pattern of what led to breakups? It maybe your need for a “perfect partner”, which is impossible. Nobody may be enough for you that way. Was it you who were dumped? If yes, it may be because of your lack of compassion, and I agree with Ashmitha that you need to be nicer and kinder. Nobody likes a rude, insensitive person.

You may need to change your perspective about yourself as well. From your words it seems that you believe that you have nothing to work on and improve and other people are just broken and ignorant, which is not the case at all, evidently.

So maybe ponder on these things. Also, I do not find anything wrong in being by yourself. If it does not work out with anyone, it doesn’t, and you could keep concentrating on yourself.

Before I end this reply, I would like to say that Tiny Buddha is safe space for everyone. Your reply to Anita was very rude and uncalled for. She was rightfully trying to understand you better, as our relationships in adulthood often depend on what we see and experience in childhood. It is okay to not agree with somebody’s opinion, but rudeness is uncalled for.

Take care.