Dear Belle:

“I just worry that I may have scared him off.. I kind of interrogated him and tried to pick apart what we were and maybe he felt cornered?”- people who are interrogated do feel cornered, yes. It is not a good idea for you to interrogate anyone unless you are a detective and it’s your job.

* It does not mean though, that if you didn’t interrogate him, he would have wanted a relationship with you.

“do you think it’s futile for me to offer to hang out sometime again, and voice to him that it would be just a friendship thing?”- yes, I think it’s futile because you already made it very clear to him that you are interested in a relationship, so suggesting otherwise in not believable.

“I think I could let go a lot easier and accept defeat if I knew there was nothing I did to sabotage this from even starting. I worry I just went too hard and he was immediately fatigued by the questioning”-You did something that would sabotage a potentially good relationship: people are scared and distressed about being interrogated, escaping the interrogator,  and you interrogated a man you wanted to be drawn to you. If you push this knowledge aside and make believe that you did nothing wrong, then you will interrogate the next man and the next.

It feels badly to know you did something wrong/ something that got you the opposite of what you wanted, but it’s a price to pay if you want to make better, wiser choices in the future.

anita