Dear TeaK

Firstly, I am sorry your relationship with your mother is so difficult. It sounds like it was so toxic that you had no other option but keep this distance. It is truly sad when a parent does this to their own kid, and then “loses hope” or “gives up”. It is a control issue, in my view. When someone, anyone, be it a parent or a partner wants you to change, it is a way to control. If one is truly concerned about another person, they dont ask them to change to please them, but talk about their concerns and observations in a logical and reasonable way.

I really don’t know what my anxiety and OCD is tied to… I know when I see my childhood pictures, I look sad and serious on all of them. I know my country and my family went through very difficult times when I was growing up and for sure it impacted me as well.

Its so interesting you talk about the collective trauma “because the children are brought up in unhealthy ways. This results in collective anger and hate, which then can cause war…” This is exactly what happened last year in my country. and 1000s of more people died because of hate and anger. Then the government called them “heroes” and talked about how nobel their deaths were…I know my nieces’s generation will be affected in a whole new and more complex ways that mine was. It is just unfolding in front of my eyes how shes being impacted collectively and within family, so it makes me understand my childhood wasn’t easy or pleasant times either. My anxiety became much more apparent after 17, I think I moved to a foreign country too early and the change was too much for me to handle. The extreme cultural differences, weather, strong individualism i couldn’t cope with. I started having all sorts of problems that i didn’t understand or process because I was still a kid.

About feeling worthy, I guess I wasn’t comfortable using that word because it implies a bit of arrogance for me. “I am enough”sounds better to me 🙂

I asked this question to Anita, I’d like to ask you too. Would you say you are healed from your traumas? And what helped you?