Dear Boris,

thank you for sharing more about your childhood and your life. It’s deeply touching and sad what happened to you as a child. You were living in a paradise, happy and carefree, and then one day, out of the blue, your life falls apart. Suddenly, you not only get to live separately from your father, but you are forced to leave your piece of paradise and find your way in a new, unknown and hostile environment. On top of that, you get a stepfather who doesn’t like you, who puts you down, ridicules you and compares you with his own son.

That’s a huge trauma for a child, Boris. It’s no wonder it froze you, it shocked you to your core. You found some solace in books, but it wouldn’t be enough to escape the pain, so you resorted to drugs and alcohol. Getting high was your only goal, because there was nothing else to look forward to.

Then, in your 30s, I suppose you decided to “man up” and stop ruining your life. And I assume being good at your job was something that gave you some meaning and a sense of self-worth. You started identifying with your job, I guess you took pride in it, you were good at it. You weren’t feeling too much, you were still frozen inside, but at least there was something that you could hold on – your job. At least you weren’t ruining your life. You were doing fine, sort of.

But then came the accident at work and it all came crushing down. You were deprived of the very thing that gave you some  meaning and a sense of worth. And you resorted to drinking again. The pain was too much…

And now, I would like to tell you: You aren’t hollow, Boris, you’re just frozen. You lost touch with that little boy living on a paradise island, laughing, running, riding his bike in the sunset. He’s inside of you and waiting for you to retrieve him. To let him out to play again, to laugh again, to move his body again. To be happy again. You’re depressed because you lost touch with him. That’s why the drugs didn’t work.

Talk with your therapist about it, I am sure it would make a huge difference. You don’t need to wait for your lady friend to set you free – you can do it yourself, by freeing your inner child.