Anita,

Also, to add to my last post, I just reread some of my threads. I feel like I was a completely different person. I used to talk about him in a way that just did not describe him fully. I described him as “he isn’t that controlling” or “he is only a little manipulative.” However, I think I actively repressed so much of the abuse that I convinced myself it wasn’t as bad as it was. EDMR therapy has helped me uncover a lot of the repressed memories. One of the most traumatic memories for me was when he would keep me locked in his bedroom for days at a time while he was at work during the summer. He did this so I wouldn’t hang out with my friends behind his back. This was part of the reason why it was so easy for me to starve myself during this time. I would be in his room without food or water for hours. I think the only thing he kept in his room was a pack of gaterade.

Another memory was when he would force me to cut contact with all my friends. He made me block so many close friends until I only had about 3 left. Luckily, I have since rekindled a lot of the old friendships I used to have.

There are a few more memories that I am still too afraid to talk about.

Sorry for the long messages, I think I am just realizing how much I downplayed the abuse in my old posts. I tried to believe everything was fine, but it wasn’t.