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Katie

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  • #337436

    Katie
    Participant

    Anita,

    Sorry that I haven’t replied to your message yet. I have been meaning to reply, but I think that I just need a little break. I just wanted to let you know in the case that I don’t reply for a couple more days! But I plan on replying soon 🙂

    #336856

    Katie
    Participant

    Anita,

    Thank you for taking the time to write a long, detailed reply!

    For part 1: I really relate to what you said about teachers. Even though I will study for a specific class every day and know the material like the back of my hand, I felt that I was never noticed. Except, I would always see teachers praising students for hard work so it didn’t make sense. I also feel that it’s important to mention that there was a time in my life (beginning of high school) where I was making a lot of friends and developing social skills. So, I did have some amount of social skills before. However, I retreated back in my shell when people began to judge me and I started to feel weird. Being shy really has drawbacks and I’ve experienced a lot of them.

    Part 2: That summary is accurate. Overall, I feel upset because I was busy and lost touch with my friend, but she didn’t really seem to notice or care. However, whenever I do talk to her, she treats me the same as always, so I can’t tell if I’m overreacting. We talk like normal whenever we talk again. I’m just confused.

    Part 3: That does make a lot of sense. It has been difficult for me to understand why my cousin would want to hurt me, but I also noticed that during the times my cousin is really happy, she is not mean at all. Whenever she is happy and something really good is happening in her life, she never puts me down. I think noticing that has helped me understand that she tries to hurt me out of her own pain.

    It is also difficult for me to understand that my cousin would flirt with my first love to hurt me. I actually posted about that situation on multiple advice websites because I really was hurt, but I couldn’t talk about it with my boyfriend (for obvious reasons) or friends because they were there to witness it and I was embarrassed. There is something about being humiliated by my cousin in front of everyone that made me want to isolate myself. I know what she did wasn’t the worst thing ever, but it felt really hurtful and my friends could probably pick up on what she was doing too.

    Someone on one of the other sites (I think Reddit) said I was being self-centered for caring about my first love and my cousin because the relationship was long over. He/she said I had no reason to be hurt because neither my cousin nor the guy should have to hide their attraction for each other. However, I think what hurt me wasn’t that my first love would flirt with my cousin (although I think that’s a slight slap in the face. It’s like if you were to break up with a guy and then he flirts with your sister in front of you. She basically is my sister, I don’t know it feels wrong), but it was that my cousin didn’t stop it.

    She let it happen to the point where he was obviously touching her and telling her she’s beautiful when I was right there talking to both of them in a conversation. Me, her, him, and my few friends were in a conversation and it was so weird. Like, both that guy and my cousin were leading the conversation and then I blinked and he was touching her and telling her she’s so beautiful.

    I didn’t know if I was coming to this specific conclusion because I was hurt or if this is really what happened, but to me, it felt like my cousin was basking in the joy of him flirting with her. I felt like she was trying to pretend she didn’t understand why he was coming onto her so hard when in reality, she wasn’t stopping his obvious advances and was even slightly flirting back. It was a really complicated situation where I feel she was flirting with him before I came. I don’t mean to ramble about the situation, but for some reason, it’s still very hard for me to process. I just try to write my thoughts so I can organize them and understand them.

    I felt that she wanted me to see him flirting with her so I would think that men think she is more desirable. I feel that that is just how she is. She uses men as proof that she is desirable, and I could somewhat tell, but it hurt because she knew what that guy meant to me. At the time, I didn’t know if I was getting those signals because I was jealous/hurt/confused or if it was actually what she was doing based on how close we are and how well I know her. But to me, it makes sense that she wanted to hurt me when I think it through. I felt so hurt on that day, I felt so alone and felt like she didn’t care.

    It also is more clear to me now that she wanted to hurt me when she said my nose is big. It makes me so upset though because I went through all this pain because I truly believed my nose was a problem because of her. I don’t mean to be rude when I say this, but something I also noticed is that my cousin will praise girls who have bigger noises than me. She will say, “I want to look like her,” but she won’t say they need a nose job. I used to wonder if I’m blinde and my nose is actually bigger than theirs because there must be some reason why she says I need a nose job and they don’t. Right now, I am at a point where I don’t care if my nose is bigger than theirs or not. It’s just very confusing because I care about her opinion still. I want her to accept me, you know? I guess I have to work on that.

    Something that I also thought I should mention is that I’ve been trying to pay attention to things that truly make me happy. And those include singing, dancing, movies, tv shows, cooking, taking care of myself, etc. I don’t have a problem with cooking, doing self-care, exercising, and all-around taking care of myself because I do that all the time. However, I’ve always been too shy to sing and dance. I always wanted to do it, but now that my confidence is slightlyyyy improving, I’m thinking about trying it out (in private though). I just wanted to know what your thoughts on that are. I am hoping that if I do things I like, my confidence will grow.

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks ago by  Katie.
    #336692

    Katie
    Participant

    Anita,

    I thought I should update you about my text to her. I didn’t really know what to say so I made something up, but again, the conversation was extremely short. I feel like if she wanted to be my friend, she would continue the conversation, ask about my life, tell me about her’s, but she didn’t.

    I just want to know if she wants to be my friend or not. It’s confusing for me. On Christmas, she wished me merry Christmas. On new years, she wished me a happy new year and said, “happy new year here’s to a year of new memories.” She has texted me about trips we could take in the summertime. Yet, our texts have slowed and completely stopped in the last month. When we do text, our conversations are extremely short. I don’t know if I’m in denial about her not wanting to be friends, if I’m overreacting and it’s my fault for not making enough of an effort, or if it’s just that we have anything in common anymore and I need to make an effort to reconnect. I think we do have a lot in common. We’re both in college, we’re both 20-year-old girls, we both stress about grades, we watch the same tv shows, we both want to travel to the same places, we live in the same hometown, etc.

    I just want to know how it is between us so I can act accordingly. If she doesn’t want to be my friend, I want to move on and mourn the loss. If it’s my fault we grew apart because I’ve been so busy dealing with everything, I want to continue making an effort. I’m constantly switching between being angry at her for treating me badly and thinking it’s my fault because I stopped answering her. 🙁

     

    #336686

    Katie
    Participant

    Anita,

    1. My therapist and I worked to change my thought patterns. I started trying to listen to my gut rather than other people. For example, if my cousin were to say, “Katie, your nose is big and you need a nose job,” instead of freaking out and thinking I need one, I would attempt to listen to my gut. Since I never thought my nose was big before, there is no reason for me to think my nose is big because my cousin said so. Another example is if my friends were to say, “Katie, you should break up with your boyfriend. He’s not good enough,” I would listen to my gut and only break up with him if I wanted to. I used to listen to other people’s opinions over mine, so I started to change that. I also started to distance myself from things that caused me unnecessary anxiety or would trigger me into bad thinking patterns. This all started to happen around October.

    2. I don’t know if I had an eating disorder, but I definitely would diet and somewhat starve myself. I would always be thinking about how I could lose weight. I think I officially dropped that whole mentality in September through November. If my friend were to bring up dieting, I wouldn’t continue the conversation to avoid bad thought patterns. I also started to work on my anxiety. I still believe I have anxiety and I know if I weren’t actively fighting to keep a healthy mindset about my body, I probably would fall back into my eating disorder mindset. So those things may not be solved, but I figured out how to better deal with them.

    3. I think we texted every day until late September. At the beginning of my college semester that started in August, I was extremely busy. I remember my best friend would call me, but I wouldn’t be able to answer because I was either in class, at the gym, doing homework, just studying, at a club meeting, etc. I think our texts began to slow around then. I was upset about it then, but I just told myself that I need to get settled into my routine before I have time for phone calls from friends and a social life. Then my friend went on a retreat for fall break at the beginning of October and she didn’t have her phone for a week. After the retreat, our texts slowed even more. However, I became even BUSIER so I didn’t have time to fix it. I visited her at the end of October (she goes to college too so I visited her college) and everything was normal but I felt that she was acting a little distant. I assumed it may have been because she was starting to become closer to her college friends and I am different from her college friends. After that, we probably texted every 2 weeks. Then the texts completely stopped when we had plans to hang out twice and she canceled both times. Our last texts were:

    Her: “hey sorry I can’t hangout! Something came up. How about we visit each other soon!”

    Me: “Yess definitely!”

    Well, actually, they aren’t the official last texts we sent. My boyfriend forced me to text her “Hey what’s up” but I kinda regret it because I don’t know how to continue a conversation with her anymore 🙁

    #336648

    Katie
    Participant

    Anita,

    Okay, I will definitely do that. It seems like a lot of fun and something that would help me a lot.

    I have been thinking about my friends and I decided that I DO want to make new friends, but I want to keep my old friends close. I think I was exaggerating when I said, “I feel like I need to be someone I’m not for my friends to care. Sometimes I think about what it would be like if I were different. If I was confident, wore cute clothes, didn’t study for school, was single, was always hooking up with guys, had tons of friends at school, was partying, was drinking, was smoking, was tan and wore makeup, etc, then they would love me. ”

    I think I get a lot of anxiety over situations so I think the worst things. Part of me feels that it is my fault and I should just talk to my friends because I have avoided talking to them out of fear. I fear that I did something wrong to hate me. But really, I don’t think my friends would care about me more or less if I were different. I think that me changing for the better has made me a different person all around, and it is a little difficult navigating the world with these different views.

    I just get a lot of anxiety and depression over my old friends. I was really upset this morning and I scrolled back to my best friend and my’s texts from a year ago. I noticed that we talked every day and we sent hundreds of texts to each other every day. She was my best friend for 4 years. I miss her so much. Now, we haven’t texted in a month. I’ve been so afraid to confront her because neither of us is one to express our emotions in that way. We don’t express it for some reason. We used to bond over over things, but icky emotions like how we are growing apart and miss each other.

    A lot of our experiences were the same. We bonded over normal, healthy things such as school, clubs, and the gym. We also bonded over things we were dealing with mentally. I used to think that because I solved all my big mental issues, that means we had nothing to talk about. But that’s not true, we do and always did. I just can’t find it in me to talk about normal things because I’m so busy trying to deal with anxiety, the sadness of hating my college environment, and body dysmorphia.

    I think when my body dysmorphia became a real serious issue, I started to hide it from her. I would only talk about it with my boyfriend, therapist, and now you.

    Sorry if this message is all over the place, but basically I’m trying to say I want my old friends back and I think my anxiety has kept me from reaching out. I keep telling myself I’m too boring for them, I’m too weird, I don’t deserve their friendship, they must see me as the weirdo I am, etc.

    Last week, my boyfriend forced me to talk to them. I am in a big group message with them on text, but I don’t talk in it. My boyfriend forced me to talk in the group message because he knew how sad I was. I started a short conversation, and I felt so much happier. I felt like myself again because I was talking to my friends again.

    #336336

    Katie
    Participant

    Anita,

    That’s actually really funny that you suggest I take an acting class because I’ve taken a couple of acting classes here and there in my life. Did you suggest that because I mentioned it before in some thread or did you just come up with it? Because I was thinking of joining one anyway! I really like acting and even though it is difficult because of my shyness, I find it really fun.

    The only thing I’m afraid of is awkwardness, not meeting anyone, etc. Every time I try something new, I feel that I am so quiet that I don’t make any friends. What happens if it doesn’t work and I don’t find anyone?

    #336222

    Katie
    Participant

    Anita,

    How do I know who I am compatible with? What if I don’t ever find people I fit in with. I mean what signs do I even look for? I don’t even know who I get along well with.

    #336138

    Katie
    Participant

    Anita,

    Okay, thank you. I will do that.

    #336130

    Katie
    Participant

    Anita,

    Also, something has been causing me to be really upset. The situation is really confusing for me. So, all throughout high school, I had my group of friends. I was really close to them. However, when we entered college we all remained close. Some of us were closer than others, for example, I was really close with a couple of girls while I wasn’t so close with others.

    I feel that recently, because of my mental problems, I’m not as close with them even though they were my best friends. Yes, I understand people drift apart when they enter college, but they’re all still close (I’m in a group message with them through text, they talk 24/7 ). I have just distanced myself (not on purpose) because, with my body dysmorphia, I have naturally isolated myself. I also would get really anxious in social situations so even though these were my best friends, my anxiety is through the roof and I can’t feel comfortable talking to them.

    However, I noticed that they don’t seem to care. My best friend (let’s call her Emily) has texted me once saying “hey what’s up you haven’t texted much” but that was about a month ago and since then she hasn’t texted me at all.

    I went home one weekend and my other friend (who I wasn’t as close to) was also home. I texted her saying, “hey are you home too?” And she said, “yeah but I’m busy.” Coincidentally, my cousin was in town visiting me. When that friend found out my cousin was there, she texted her saying, “ugh I’m so mad I didn’t know you were here! I’m going back to school now :(”

    That made me upset because she only knows my cousin through me. Also, she clearly didn’t care that I was home?

    I feel that everyone thinks I’m boring now. I don’t say much when I talk to my friends anymore because the only “major” event happening is that I am trying to recover from my anxiety disorders. I used to have tons to talk about (boys, school, friends, hobbies) but now I have none of that. Schools boring, I am in a committed relationship with no drama so nothing to talk about there except “yeah, he treats me really good,” no friends at college except for people I don’t like, and I have hobbies but ones that none of them care about. I also don’t do much because my friends’ daily activities include: drink, smoke, hook up with guys, have fights with their friends, etc. I avoid doing all of those things because they trigger my anxiety. When I drink, I get anxiety about how it’s going to affect my health (it also used to cause me anxiety because I would get so hungry and eat everything when drunk because the alcohol would hurt my stomach, and then I would feel so fat and gross. I think I’m over that though). I don’t smoke for the same reason (because of my BDD, I’m very serious about my skin and smoking + drinking causes premature wrinkles). I don’t hook up with guys because I’m loyal to my boyfriend, I also don’t have fights with the people I’m close to because I don’t care for drama.

    I am using my cousin as an example of someone that my friends want to be friends with. She is outgoing, she talks a lot, and she drinks and parties. I used to be the same way, but because of how I am now, I’m not. And clearly my friends don’t seem to be very affected by my lack of presence. I’m just really upset. I don’t know… is it my fault? Their fault? All I know is it hurts to know that my friends don’t really seem to care for me. That’s why it’s so hard for me to end contact with my cousin. She and my boyfriend are the only people who really seem to “care.” Even though my cousin is toxic, she still seems to care. Although I feel like it’s hard for me to tell when people don’t truly care about me. I try to talk about this with my cousin and boyfriend, but they always just say I need to put the effort in. The problem is, I don’t feel comfortable putting effort in. Also, I try talking about this with my therapist but I’m just so confused about this situation that I don’t know how to express it properly.

    I’m very confused about why I feel so hurt by this situation.

     

    I feel like I need to be someone I’m not for my friends to care. Sometimes I think about what it would be like if I were different. If I was confident, wore cute clothes, didn’t study for school, was single, was always hooking up with guys, had tons of friends at school, was partying, was drinking, was smoking, was tan and wore makeup, etc, then they would love me. But I’m not like that anymore. And I shouldn’t have to change to make them interested in me, right? But I keep getting the same advice to just put effort in. How do I put effort in?! I want to be myself.

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 5 days ago by  Katie.
    #336126

    Katie
    Participant

    Anita,

    She was ranting about the moms at the school. She said one of them invited every boy in the class to the son’s birthday party except for my brother. She was talking about how my brother was really upset because at the end of the school day the teacher said, “everyone going to (son’s name’s) birthday party line up!” and all the boys lined up except for my brother because he wasn’t invited. She was basically ranting about how bad it was there and how teachers and parents were really uptight and snobby.

    My mom rants about elementary school a lot because she said the people there were really rude. I don’t know if you’re from the United States, but I went to elementary school in a city that is known for its “rude, closed off” people. A lot of the people there were apparently very rude and uptight.

    #335600

    Katie
    Participant

    Anita,

    I’m sorry again for the late reply. I had something come up regarding school but I’ll try to let you know so you know next time when I won’t reply as fast.

    As for the first post, yes I see how that is wrong. I just want to clarify, though, that my mom didn’t reveal that information to me until about 2 years ago (when I was 18). She didn’t tell me about what my teachers said until randomly when she was ranting about how bad my elementary school was. It still hurt to hear those things, though. I remember feeling really sad when my mom revealed my teachers thought I had autism. Because even though there is nothing wrong of with autism, it kind of validated this weird feeling I grew up having. I always grew up feeling out of place and different. Teachers never really cared for me, I was never a favorite student, I seemed indifferent to them. If my teachers did truly think I had autism, then I thought maybe my fear of people thinking I’m weird or different (a feeling I had and still have) is logical. Maybe that is where it came from, maybe I could sense how my teachers felt about me based on how they treated me. To clarify: there isn’t anything wrong with autism and I wouldn’t even care if I had it. However, considering that I’m not even close to having it based on tests, it makes me feel weird that people may have thought I did. I would understand if I DID have autism, but I don’t.

    But even though my parents never told me what my teachers said when I was young, I could still somewhat tell. I knew my parents would go in to speak to my teachers a lot, and once my parents told me (when I was around 9) that my teachers said they were going to hold me back a grade if I didn’t improve my test scores. I also knew that my teachers told my parents to take me to a therapist and other stuff. I don’t know if my parents ever specifically told me that my teachers suggested I see a therapist, but I may have just assumed because most of the therapy was based around school. My teachers would always call my parents in for meetings in order to improve my grades. For example, one time my parents when in for a meeting, when they came back we went out and bought 20 of my favorite toy at the time (they were these really small, cheap toys so it was easy to get), and my parents gave them to my teacher so they could give it to me every time I rose my hand. It was supposed to be a positive reinforcement for speaking in class. It somewhat worked, so maybe it was good, but those things were the hints. These things don’t seem outwardly bad. It seemed like my teachers cared about my grades and wanted me to improve. However, there is something off about it to me. Today, I’m a good student, a great one even. I get straight A’s and study a lot. I always pay attention in class.

    I think my inability to pay attention was definitely caused by pain. Whether that pain was anxiety, sadness, or whatever, I just had low self-esteem and didn’t think I could do well. I think those problems should’ve been solved, but they weren’t. And something was obviously causing the low self-esteem.

    And it makes sense that my mom may have used her own words when describing that teachers would say something was wrong with me.

    And lastly, I still can’t remember specifics if my mom ever said anything offensive, she probably didn’t or maybe I just forgot. But I just remember that my mom wasn’t as involved in my growing up as I think she should’ve been even though she was always there, she just wasn’t there for me emotionally.

    • This reply was modified 3 weeks, 1 day ago by  Katie.
    #335216

    Katie
    Participant

    Anita,

    1. I don’t remember specifically what teachers would say in preschool, but I know my dad would try to help me learn the alphabet and I felt bad that I wasn’t picking up on it like other kids. I knew my dad had to help me because I wasn’t learning it. I actually don’t remember my preschool teachers talking to me much (maybe they did and I don’t remember or maybe they just didn’t), but my mom told me that they would say something is wrong with me to her and my dad. I think teachers would call my parents in for a parent-teacher conference and say “I don’t know what’s wrong with her but something is wrong, maybe she has autism.” I have considered that maybe I’m autistic but I highly doubt it because I’m aware of what’s going on socially and I just don’t really exhibit any symptoms. I also took tests online and I always come up as “not likely to be on the spectrum.” As for grammar schools, I also don’t remember my teachers talking to me much. I had one or two nice ones, but I remember I had a lot of mean ones who would yell at me instead of helping me. I had a lot of trouble paying attention in class, and teachers would be very nasty to me over it. I think that when teachers yelled at me for not paying attention, it hurt me more than it helped me. It wasn’t really a behavior problem that I had, my mind would just wander and I didn’t know how to bring it back. When teachers would yell at me, I think they thought I wasn’t paying attention because I was a bad student. But that actually wasn’t true, I wanted to pay attention but I just couldn’t. I felt sad that I couldn’t do well in school and I truly wanted to.

    2. My mom didn’t really say anything specifically to make me that way, but I think there were a few things she did. I don’t think she was as involved in my life as she should’ve been. I noticed everyone else’s mothers would stand up for them and fight for them, but my mom wasn’t really aware of when I was mistreated. Going off of what I said in the above paragraph, I feel that my mom should’ve defended me to the teachers that would yell at me. I wish my parents would’ve figured out what caused me to be unable to pay attention (maybe it was ADHD, maybe it was me dissociating because of how anxious I felt) and told my teachers that it’s not okay for them to yell at me as if I need to be punished for something I couldn’t help. I think all those times that people/teachers would try to punish me for things I couldn’t help, I became passive and believed something was wrong with me. I also should’ve told my parents what was happening, but I didn’t know there was anything to tell because I thought I was just a bad kid.

    #335190

    Katie
    Participant

    Anita,

    Also, I just have a question. I don’t really know who else to ask because I just want an unbiased answer. Mayo Clinic states: “<b>Body dysmorphic disorder</b> is a mental health <b>disorder</b> in which you can’t stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance — a flaw that appears minor or can’t be seen by others.” If it’s true that I have BDD and that I am thinking about a flaw that ‘appears minor or can’t be seen by others,’ how come 2 people have pointed out my flaws? I can understand my flaws being minor because I lived most of my life without even knowing of these flaws I have. They just kinda appeared one day when I began to feel extremely anxious about myself and was looking for what is wrong with me. However, my cousin pointed out my nose, and that makes me feel that is isn’t minor. Actually, I don’t think that I thought my nose was big until my cousin told me it was. Another girl (who I met at college and I used to be friends with but have since cut out because she is kinda toxic) would point out my small forehead. She would make fun of me for it. Do you think there could be something wrong with these 2 people? Because they are the only ones who pointed it out in my life. Or, could my flaws be noticeable to everyone but they are the only ones who say it out loud? I may just be ruminating right now, but if it’s true that these people are not normal by noticing my flaws, it helps me to understand that maybe I have no reason to worry about them. Maybe most people don’t even notice them. It’s just very confusing 🙁 I just want to make it clear that in my 20 years of living, these are the only two people in my life who have ever said anything negative about my appearance and even more so, the only 2 people who have ever pointed out specific things about my appearance.

    • This reply was modified 3 weeks, 3 days ago by  Katie.
    #335182

    Katie
    Participant

    Anita,

    Yeah, that sounds like me. I ask the same question over and over. I just want somebody to say “your nose is not big” but I’ve also been told that many times, and I am never happy with it.

    And yeah, I would like to talk about it further here.  I remember growing up feeling that I was different and weird. I just always felt less than. Do you think it also could’ve also been the way teachers treated me when I was young? Before I entered school, I was a very confident girl. I remember thinking I was awesome and that I was able to do anything I put my mind to. But for some reason, all my memories (beginning from preschool) include me being shy, anxious, and even sad. I remember feeling extremely nervous as a 4-year-old to go up to a group of girls and ask to play with them. I had to talk myself into doing things like that even when I was just 4.  But how did that form? I also remember being very slow in learning the alphabet. I think teachers thought I had a learning disability. The thing is though, I don’t have a learning disability and I don’t think I ever did, I just didn’t feel motivated to learn it. Even though (knowing myself) I feel like I would’ve been really excited to learn the alphabet, but I think I was overwhelmed with so much anxiety as a child that I couldn’t focus.

    I had to see a therapist when I was 9 because teachers told my mom I needed one to find out what was wrong with me. I remember feeling really uncomfortable at the therapist’s office because I knew most kids did not go there. It just made me feel weird and like a loser. All the happy, cool, and normal kids did not go to therapists and I was socially aware enough to know that. My therapist would ask me questions and I would just answer with “I don’t know” and I was speaking as little as possible, which thinking back, was probably a reaction to me feeling uncomfortable and just not wanting to be there. The therapist wasn’t able to find anything wrong with me besides that I was very shy.

    • This reply was modified 3 weeks, 3 days ago by  Katie.
    #335038

    Katie
    Participant

    Anita,

    Thank you for the advice. I have been really busy recently, so I haven’t checked this website. Sorry for the late reply! I’ve been talking to some people in my classes and hopefully, I will end up with some friends soon.

    While the cousin and the friends situations are slowly being solved, I feel that I have another problem. I ruminate a lot and think about my problems all the time. My therapist and I have been working on stopping the rumination cycle, but I just want to get myself to stop altogether. I know that it takes time to stop these things, but I just want the thoughts to go away. I don’t want to have to fight off thoughts that come into my head all day. An example of something that I ruminate about is my nose. I’m pretty sure just seeing pictures of noses triggers me into ruminating about mine. It’s just a very confusing situation for me. I stumbled upon a subreddit called “BigNoseLadies.” There are a bunch of pictures of women with big noses on there. I clicked on it hoping to find some appreciation of big noses that would maybe cause me to appreciate mine. However, their noses were a lot bigger than mine. Like, extraordinarily bigger than mine. That’s what causes me to think and think and think. I wonder how could my nose be considered big if it looks nothing like these women’s noses. But then I see pictures of models and see that their noses are small and mine is not as small as theirs.

    That is an example of a thought that I just want to stop. I know that teaching myself to stop the thought process over time will stop be from ruminating. However, I just want to get rid of the thought from the source. I don’t want to be “triggered” by everything all the time. I just want to be normal. I just want to stop thinking my nose is big. Or, I want to get surgery so my nose will be so small that nobody could consider it big if that is what it will take (even though I am scared of surgery and really don’t want to do it). Stopping the rumination is one thing, but how do I just stop the thoughts from even coming to me?

    • This reply was modified 3 weeks, 4 days ago by  Katie.
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