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I don't know how much more I can take

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  • #343896
    Katie
    Participant

    <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>Anita,</span></p>
    <p class=”p2″><span class=”s2″>I definitely wouldn’t tell the child that her nose is big and would be nice to her. </span></p>
    <p class=”p2″><span class=”s2″>Also, I’m a little worried to choose big nose because I don’t want it to lower my self esteem. Its so uncomfortable for me to live with this flaw I think I have. But I guess I do understand the point of accepting a big nose and living with it is learning to not let it lower my self esteem no matter what the size is. I will try. </span></p>
    <p class=”p2″><span class=”s2″>And your comment about the memory of my cousins words and her hurtful habits makes sense. I never thought about it in that way, I think it was the way it was worded, but it really makes sense. I think I was too focused on weighing the pros and the cons to realize that the damage has already been done. She’s not changing and I need to accept that she isn’t good for me. There’s no “forgiving” or “accepting” because she has toxic habits and the memory of her words are just too painful. </span></p>
    <p class=”p2″><span class=”s2″>I will try my best to stop questioning my nose and accept it as big. Even though I may not 100% believe it is big, I think if I just practice accepting it for the way it is, maybe I will see progress. </span></p>
    <p class=”p2″><span class=”s2″>There’s also something that I’ve been meaning to mention for some time. This may sound a little bit out there, but it has been on my mind for a while. I came across an article about autism in women. I felt like a lot of the traits related to me. </span></p>
    <p class=”p2″><span class=”s2″>I think I mentioned this in another thread before, but my mom said teachers thought I was autistic and that “something was wrong” with me. I assume I got a test and came back negative. However, a lot of autistic women are coming forward saying they weren’t diagnosed until the age of 20, 30, even 40+ because they came back as negative while being screened for autism when they were younger. </span></p>
    <p class=”p2″><span class=”s2″>There’s also other reasons why I think I may have it. For example, when I was young I apparently didn’t make eye contact. However, that isn’t really a problem for me now. I am fully capable of making eye contact and having a conversation, but I notice it takes a lot of work for me. I read about something called “masking” that a lot of autistic people (women especially) do. It’s when they copy the thoughts and behaviors of the people around them. I could be wrong, but I genuinely feel that is me. Genuinely. I’ve always been so shy and awkward in social situations (unless I’m really comfortable with the person). There have been times in my life when I’ve been outgoing! However, I can say for a FACT that it was due to me copying behaviors of people around me. I remember when I was around the age of 16, I decided I wanted to be social so I began copying the behaviors of popular, outgoing, cool people and I ended up making tons of friends. Yet, when I decide to just be myself, I am not social. I don’t talk. I’m quiet. </span></p>
    <p class=”p2″><span class=”s2″>Another reason is because a lot of the time, women with autism are diagnosed with autism AND another mental disorder. A lot of the common ones are: anxiety, depression, OCD. I have a few too (anxiety, body dysmorphic disorder). </span></p>
    <p class=”p2″><span class=”s2″>

    I also get told I am naive a lot. I easily fall victim to manipulation. Apparently, a lot of women with autism fall victim to abusive relationships (whether that be with a significant other, friend, family member, etc). It’s crazy because I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years with my ex boyfriend. I trusted him when he was actually abusing me

    I am not trying to self diagnose, but I was actually very happy to discover I related to the symptoms because I clearly have difficulty living my life. I’m very dependent on the people around me for guidance and advice (another trait common in autistic people), and it’s stressful for me. I’m obviously not going to assume I have it, but I can’t ignore how much I relate to it. I’m going to try to be diagnosed soon, but I probably won’t know the results for a while. I just wanted to mention it to you and see what you think. Could this be the answer to all my “problems?” Because I seem to be at a point in my life where I’m confused, lost, stressed, and sad. All of my personality traits that relate to autism seem to be the cause of my problems (shyness, insecurity, not trusting myself, dependence on others, anxiety). Please let me know if you think this could be a possibility and a solution for me. </span></p>

    • This reply was modified 3 months, 3 weeks ago by Katie.
    #343900
    Katie
    Participant

    EDIT: on my last post, I meant to say “I’m going to try to be tested soon” instead of diagnosed soon.

    #343936
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Katie:

    “I mentioned this in another thread before.. my mom said teachers thought I was autistic and that ‘something was wrong’ with me”- and like I posted you on that thread, your mother should not have told you that your teachers said that there was something wrong with you. First, it is not a professional thing for a teacher or school counselor to say to a parent: something is wrong with your child– it is simply not a language that is used by school professionals. Your mother telling you that is suspect to me, meaning I don’t think that’s what she was told by teachers.

    “when I was young I apparently didn’t make eye contact”- what child or adult makes eye contact at all times, or even very often. People make eye contact, then eyes look elsewhere, distracted. Also, in my recent experience, there is a certain young woman that when I see her and she looks my way, I automatically move my eyes away from her, feeling uncomfortable to have eye contact with her personally, while I don’t have this reaction with other people.

    “I read about something called ‘masking’ that a lot of autistic people.. do. It’s when they copy the thoughts and behaviors of the people around them.. I genuinely feel that is me”- masking is not unique to autism. 99.9% of people mask, for example, pretending to be happy when they are not, putting on a smile so to appear okay, while feeling miserable inside. Do you know anyone in your life whose every emotion shows on their facial and body expressions, in their voice and the words they use, all the time? I don’t know a single person that does, including myself.

    “I’ve always been so shy and awkward in social situations (unless I’m really comfortable with the person)”- true to so many people. Regarding autism (the current DSM-5 diagnosis is Autistic Spectrum Disorder, ASD), like all other mental disorders, exist in a spectrum, and every person in the world is somewhere on the spectrum.

    I will explain further: imagine a spectrum of one —> 100. ASD is let’s say, 55–>100. People who don’t fit the ASD diagnosis are then  from one —> 54. You and I are somewhere on the one–> 54 part of the spectrum, having in common behaviors and features with the 55–> 100 people (I made up the numbers).

    See my point?

    “I can say for a FACT that it was due to me copying behaviors of people around me… when I was around the age of 16, I decided I wanted to be social so I began copying the behaviors of popular, outgoing, cool people”- everyone does that to one extent or another- it is one of the behaviors in the  one–> 100 spectrum, and you are in the one–> 54 portion of the spectrum.

    “Another reason is because a lot of the time, women with autism are diagnosed with autism AND another mental disorder.. anxiety, depression, OCD. I have a few too (anxiety, body dysmorphic disorder)”- anxiety is very common and it is in the core of most mental diagnosis. First there is anxiety, then symptoms develop. There is a book (DSM-5, in the U.S) that organizes all existing human symptoms into groups, calling one group of symptom this diagnosis, and another group another diagnosis. But people are not born with this or that disorder/ diagnosis. People experience anxiety early on, more than they are able to endure without damage, so symptoms develop, some of the symptoms stay lifetime, other symptoms go away while new ones develop later on.

    “a lot of women with autism fall victim to abusive relationships”- but so do lots of women who do not fit the ASD diagnosis.

    “I was actually very happy to discover I related to the symptoms because I clearly have difficulty living my life.. could this be the answer to all my ‘problems’?-

    – you were “actually very happy” because you think that the ASD diagnosis can be “the answer to all” your problems. No wonder you feel very happy to think that you are close to answers to all your problems. But let’s say you get diagnosed and that the professional diagnosing you made the correct diagnosis, what happens then? I read that two of the therapies recommended for ASD are Cognitive behavioral Therapy (CBT), and social skills training- well, you don’t need the ASD diagnosis to attend therapy with a CBT therapist and social skills training.

    “Please let me know if you think this could be a possibility and a solution for me”- I answered this above. To summarize: quality psychotherapy, be it CBT or another, including learning and practicing better and better social skills will help you, regardless of receiving this or that diagnosis. I see your core problem being anxiety, true to most people. Depression came after anxiety, as well as your body dysmorphic disorder and any other possible diagnosis.  Also, the great majority of people who do fit one mental diagnosis from the DSM-5 (as well as the DSM-4 before it) also fit another diagnosis, and often a few other diagnoses from the same book.

    anita

     

    • This reply was modified 3 months, 2 weeks ago by anita.
    #348326
    anita
    Participant

    How are you Katie???

    anita

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