Thank you Sammy, I know in myself the nc is necessary so I can stick to this, I have done this on previous occasions for longer periods, the worst pain is thinking about her moving on and connecting with someone else, I know this is going to happen and is going to be better for me in the long run because it prevents her from disturbing my healing but still distressing none the less. I’m saying to myself that this is happening to try eliminate any intrusive thoughts of what if she comes back to me because even though it is not what is right to move forward, based on the history we have I can’t prevent them thoughts at the moment no matter how hard I try.

I’m not sure if that’s the case for everyone with the immaturity, I was young and very different back then and it took what happened for me to learn from it and shape how I am now, I think now where I was single for a long time I appreciate the feeling of being in a relationship, ok so the most recent one hasn’t worked out but at times it felt really good.

I don’t think I will go out of my way to try apologise, it was such a long time ago and wouldn’t want to disturb her life now, she’s happy and everything has happened for a reason, maybe I will be on the receiving end of that happening to me in the future, let’s hope so.

Even describing my first serious relationship brought back some memories of being in a healthier relationship which I haven’t done too much whilst I’ve been in this previous one due to being fixated on wanting it to work and succeed, a little reminder of what I need to get from any future relationship.